in trouble with DIL again

[itainthalfhot]

my DIL posts on insta and facebook multiple times a day, always about the baby, baby has been to this class or that event, always happy smily pictures, but they do get annoying after a while.

anyway, i've muted her.. we also have a family chat, and i use this to catch up with things on a regular basis.

i received a message last night asking why i hadn't commented on her post about the fact that baby had chickenpox and that didn't i care about him? i mentioned that i 'must have missed it'...

we'd had a chat on our whats app group earlier that day, and there was no mention of chickenpox there?

so i've had to go to inta, trawl through her many posts and comment! its ridiculous. it seems i can never do right for doing wrong!

AIBU by not commenting on the post?
YANBU she should have simply told me when we chatted earlier in the day?

yeah i know...

I don't think you've done anything wrong here. I'd have just replied to say something like: "aw I hope DGS is ok, sorry I didn't react to the post. Please don't think that my engagement on social media correlates with my love for DGS, of course I love him dearly. How is he doing?"

You've said that DIL is well liked, but you do sound a bit critical of her in your OP. It might be that she's a bit sensitive to this and is seeking your approval?

you are noting all of this based on the title of my post?

I'm noting that your use of the word "again" means it's happened before, yes.

And you asked why the post you admitted was sarcastic was pass agg. So I explained. I think you already knew, but plausible deniability is the point of being pass agg...

And I haven't accused you of being a terrible MIL or not caring about your grandkids. If you want to argue that, take it up with the posters who said it.

Social media bores are a pain, but there's more than one way to be difficult to get on with...

What are you saying here? Are mother in laws never allowed to be annoyed, secretly or otherwise? It's an anonymous post, even if the DIL comes across it, she won't recognise herself. I'm sure the OP has disguised some details.

So who is allowed to be annoyed at a family member and put up an anonymous post? I think it's much more outrageous that the DIL had the audacity to speak to OP and accuse her of not caring about her grandson. That is really awful behaviour, all because OP didn't see a social media post. The DIL had ample opportunity to tell MIL herself but chose not to because there wasn't enough attention for her doing it that way, the normal way.

No instead you simultaneously hold her on some sort of pedestal for having a boy

and secretly find her insufferable.

you do realise there's no guarantee this boy will actually carry on you're precious name 🙄

he could not have children.

use his wife's name instead (becoming more popular to just use the best name these days)

or you know he might marry a man.

Are mother in laws never allowed to be annoyed, secretly or otherwise?

If that were what I was saying, I would have said it. If that's what you took from the post, there's honestly no point going any further into it because you'll literally just make up more rubbish you wish I'd said rather than reading what I did say.

DIL is a social media idiot. I can't be bothered to elaborate further on OP's posts (although I must admit I'm sure you'd make something spectacular out of them if I did, that bore them no resemblance whatsoever) but I will say that I think I can completely see now where the tension comes from on both sides.

OP, I get it. I have a DIL who is very active on social media and her family is very much in one another's pockets. I find both suffocating, but it works for them.

I do see her posts, but I rarely react or comment. If there are things they want known, they get dropped into the family chat or to one of us individually depending on what it is.

We also have the FrameO frame, we love it.

It sounds like you are very supportive in the ways that matter, as are we. Thankfully, our DIL puts more stock in the practical support than the social media cheerleading and we have found our "groove" in that regard.

Upset over not getting a bit of attention off an in law on a social media post?😂😂😂Pull the other one I hardly go on Instagram myself prefer Facebook and tiktok. So if anyone asked if I've seen something on there I just tell them no I don't really go on it.

oh lord.. here we go down another rabbit hole! there is nothing wrong with old fashioned values as far as having a boy is concerned. you are correct he may not be able to have children himself, he may decide to marry a man, he may decide to change his gendar, to be identified as whatever they/them decide and they will still be loved. you are assuming i find her insufferable.. thats your interpretation. i can assure you thats not the case.

all this because i a mere MIL has dared to question why my DIL chose to challenge me about not commenting on her SM post about her poorly child when she and her husband could easily have told me about it when we communicated earlier in the day!

So what if the "Jones" family name dosnt go on... you won't be alive to see it anyway most likely

You ok @Homedesign123 ?

Goodness me!

Can you not think of more scenarios that the name won't be continued?

I disagree with the marrying a man one BTW, they could adopt and use the OPs name?

Wow! You've really been "triggered" haven't you!

That's a really nasty one.

Have you exhausted your wrath yet?

oh good lord.. it wouldnt matter what i said would it? one poster assumes she's trying to 'keep up' with my own daughters and the love and attention i give to them, so i try to explain that if anything she gets more love and attention because of an old fashioned value we hold in keeping a name going.

within my own marriage i also believe in mens work and womens work.. i believe a man should hold open a door for a woman, i do think women should do the cooking and the cleaning.

it doesnt make me a bad person! its my own views and opinions. yes i am old fashioned there is no law against it!

It doesn't show, bit OTT though, you've come across very unpleasant.

Nasty comments like you probably won't be alive piss me off, but you know maybe you won't be around for your grandchildren even? Who knows? Food for thought though?

Has DIL had cause to be upset by you previously, I think lots of us are wondering what the AGAIN in the title means?

oh heck... i certainly am not a sexist mysognist! i hope you calm yourself down soon.. maybe take a breath

😂😂😂 What a feeble attempt to try and belittle me

It means DIL has been unreasonable more than once.

i have explaind the again already.... when we asked what they needed one time because they are a bit short of cash, they replied with 'we don't have any size x,y & z clothes for the baby'. so we purchased some 2nd hand clothes for them.. and she got upset because she didnt want her child in 2nd hand clothes!

we learned from this, and now nothing they get either asked for or gifted is 2nd hand!

@Homedesign123 you've belittled yourself and made yourself look ridiculous! All on your own.

no you're doing ok all on your own...

Oh no, however will I go on knowing a stranger on the internet dosnt agree with my views 🙄

This. It’s a reasonable explanation. No drama needed. What you mustn’t do is be bullied into checking her insta posts daily. If she has something important to share with you about your DGC, it’s good manners to do it personally by direct contact, not through the prism of social media.

Firm words with DS though about not telling you.