in trouble with DIL again

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my DIL posts on insta and facebook multiple times a day, always about the baby, baby has been to this class or that event, always happy smily pictures, but they do get annoying after a while.

anyway, i've muted her.. we also have a family chat, and i use this to catch up with things on a regular basis.

i received a message last night asking why i hadn't commented on her post about the fact that baby had chickenpox and that didn't i care about him? i mentioned that i 'must have missed it'...

we'd had a chat on our whats app group earlier that day, and there was no mention of chickenpox there?

so i've had to go to inta, trawl through her many posts and comment! its ridiculous. it seems i can never do right for doing wrong!

AIBU by not commenting on the post?
YANBU she should have simply told me when we chatted earlier in the day?

YANBU ! She sounds like hard work and one of those people who need to feel validated on social media. Poor kid having every aspect of its life made public.

Your dd sounds difficult. Poor you.

I'd tell her Cleary that you don't follow SM closely and to let you know directly if there is anything she wants you to know.

So your dil has the convenience of sharing news in a one go on SM but still wats individual responses back. She's a little immature and self absorbed. And dramatic as she was rude enough challenge you for not respiring on her SM.

There was no mention of what kind of help or support that was already in place

Yes there was @TomatoSandwiches

No one said that and before I asked the question there was no mention about the help you do already provide just that DIL mentioned she was struggling.

I have nothing to say in regard to your over dramatics about killing yourself except it's unnecessary and bad taste.

er.. yes i have already mentioned what support DIL has and is offered.. you simply chose to not read them.

if you have not picked up from my comments.. i have an odd sense of humour.. perhaps i should be flogged for that too

YANBU OP. There's a lot of projecting going on in this thread. Brush off the comments from those who clearly have (real or perceived) issues with their MiLs. You've done nothing wrong.

Go ahead and I hope you enjoy it.

@TomatoSandwiches are you determined to be offended?

OP, you're a great MIL, don't change! Carry on as you are and expect updating via WhatsApp.

If DIL needs more support she needs to grow up and ask. Not reley on OPs psychic abilities.

thank you! i assume thats the same for insta?

i hadn't commented on her post about the fact that baby had chickenpox and that didn't i care about him?

For fuck's sake, how childish! You should have replied "You're right. I secretly loath him. At least you know now."

Except she might not have recognised the sarcasm.

I am not the one throwing a fit because someone suggested simply asking a question.

I have not berated the op or called her a bad MIL, I'm not a SM fan either and tbh I wouldn't have even suggested op find her DILs post and leave a comment.

I was pointing out that if DIL has admitted she is finding it hard then perhaps op could ask what help DIL would prefer.

The original post didn't include how op had been helping and the most recent one was posted whilst I was writing my own reply so I wasn't aware.

I'm not offended in anyway just slightly bemused by @saraclaras response which was unwarranted imo and the over dramatics from op because I suggested she ask her DIL a question than asking myself.

oh lordy.. the next MN thread would be 'my DIL has taken away all access too our GC and i don't know why.... '

i have changed my settings on my phone, and i shall unmute her so when i do my 'bedtime' scrolling i will then catch up on the days activities without my phone pinging and buzzing next to me all day long..

I became friends with an elderly lady whom I met at a memorial service. (I'm in my 60s, but she's even older.)

She has her FB set to 'public' and keeps using it to message people - not Messenger, but actual FB posts...and not necessarily tagging the people she's addressing.

We're members of a couple of the same local history groups on FB. It reached the stage where she demanded that I "support" her by loving (not just liking her posts)...and then by making comments in addition.

I'm a supply teacher. Kids do look for teachers on social media - I've had them asking whether I have accounts. (I just lie and say "No.")

I told her that I'm backing away from FB because kids have been looking up their teachers. Elderly lady is not at all happy and appears to have gone in the huff with me. (She's still in the land of the living - she's still posting.)

She still insisted that I should support her in various arguments that she gets herself embroiled with online. She also seemed to think that I was lying when I told her that her posts don't always come up in my feed.

In addition, she's not listened when I've explained that the reason that she's missing "loves", "likes" and comments is that she keeps posting the same damned thing multiple times - the same pictures, but often identical posts too. She seems to think that I'm nuts. (In her case, no babies...Posts about local history and her cats - present and past.)

There have been other issues that I won't go into here.

I've stuck to my guns and she's gone NC. I've made my peace with that.

OP, sounds to me as if you may have to do similar, at least so far as social media is concerned.

It was a suggestion because op asked me the question, she would be better served asking her DIL.

What the fuck is wrong with the lot of you.

She's of the generation that live their lives through social media and forget that others barely have FB or twitter etc. The way she challenged you about not responding to the social media post sounds unnecessary and confrontational.
Chickenpox is one of those childhood things that everyone gets at some point usually, if baby was that poorly with it then they (ie your own child) should have let you know directly. Perhaps just communicate via the family WhatsApp or your son in future, and don't have family on your social media?

YABU and passive aggressive. Your DIL is upset AGAIN. You are upset with her again because you are PA and sarcastic. You can control how you react. If you would rather interact with your DS or have a different way you want to communicate, have that conversation.

Maybe your DIL or finding maternity leave tough? It's totally fine not to want to keep up with live posting. I CBA with that either.

I'm friends with people in real life; their social media posts are not for me. We had a conversation and they know I'm going to miss news on their feed. If they want me to know, they WhatsApp, if not fine.

interesting... the fact that DIL is upset with me AGAIN is just that.. a fact! she's upset because i didn't react to a FB post about poorly GC. thats a fact!

yes i agree my comments on her post were sarcastic in the end! and to be honest yes perhaps in hindsight i should simply not have commented at all!

where does passive aggressive come in to it?

the definintion of PA as i've googled is: Passive-aggressive behavior is characterized by a pattern of passive hostility and an avoidance of direct communication.

I'm not sure where i have been PA in this situation?

OP is upset again too, she just doesn't let her DIL know. If anyone in my life got upset at me because of a missed post on social media, I would seriously think there was something wrong with them.

I think the strange thing here is DIL spoke to OP on the phone and didn't mention the chicken pox. That would have been the best time to express concern.

OP, I think the direct approach would be to tell DIL that you don't check Insta daily so it's better to message you directly or call you (as many have said). It sounds like you wanted to placate DIL by commenting on the Insta post but you were also annoyed it by the drama queen behaviour so you were a bit sarcy. However, I think if DIL is a prolific Insta poster then I doubt she took 'hope little man pulls through' as sarcy.

OP, this thread has gone bonkers! YANBU!

Because you made a post that pretended to want to please your DIL but in fact was designed to take a pop at her, with plausible deniability.

She should definitely have told you by the other channel if she wanted you to know and shouldn't have been pissed off that you missed the post. That was ridiculous.

But it's obvious you find her irritating apart from this ("in trouble AGAIN" and all your other complaints), you made a pass agg sarky response about her kid being ill because you were pissed off with her, and there's no way she hasn't noticed that she annoys you. So it's not hugely surprising if you two are mutual irritants to each other.

I never comment on any pictures/posts my DIL puts on open social media forums.

My daughters had chicken pox one after the other last year, 3 and 5 months. Little one was barely phased by them, oldest had a hell of a time, in her eye lids up her nose inside her mouth it was hellish, I'm assuming if it was that bad she would have told you, because she's have wanted that "oh poor you" response 🙄