1 child families + holidays + I don’t want to watch your kids

[Theseers]

It’s a running joke in our family that we attract the 1 child family every holiday we go on. I have 4 teens/children and I’m single so one adult. Without exception over the last 10 years every summer/beach holiday we’ve been on a lone child has somehow attached themself to us.

Im not a cold hearted bitch, I had 4 kids so I wouldn’t have to entertain them all the time and I get that there are a number of reasons someone may only have 1 child. But that doesn’t mean I want to look after them on my holiday.

We managed to get to day 4 this year before it happened, a boy of around 7/8 edged his way over encouraged my mum. My lot were playing a ball game in the pool and involved him after he gestured for the ball. Fine, but don’t then roll over on your sun bed and start reading your book ffs. He was then attached to my kids all afternoon, the next day we went to the pool in the AM for a morning swim and the beach for the PM, family appears next to us on the HUGE beach and plonks themselves down 20meters away, immediately the kid comes over and involves himself.

Ive lost count of the amount of holidays we’ve ended up having a tag along whose parents seem to be having a lovely relaxing holiday. I have returned children to the parents a few times, but they either just come back or stand there staring at my kids it’s bloody horrible.

They don't have to be inclusive imo. They do have to share the space - if it's a communal playground/swimming-pool/beach etc.

They do have to learn a way to say politely and firmly "Actually, we just want to play with each other right now". It's normal for children to make friends and have social interactions in these sorts of places, so it's for the OP's kids to make it clear that they'd prefer not to be approached in this way. It's not for the parents of the kids doing the approaching to jump in and stop them, because their children aren't doing anything wrong unless they refuse to back off after being given a clear message that they're not welcome.

And it's up to the parents to decide whether to continue lying on their sun loungers (assuming they're still adequately supervising their kids) or entertain their kids. There is nothing inherently wrong with a parent saying "go away and play" to their child in an appropriate place.

Children don't always have to be entertained.

Are you 100% sure they're only children and that the siblings aren't at a club, party, or playdate?

Yesterday, at the park, four children attached themselves to my husband who was in goal for shooting practice with our son. We know (vaguely) three of them, they were all there separately with just one of their parents, but not their siblings and I could have easily assumed they were only children otherwise.

But, either way, I wouldn't care. If they are adding to our experience of being at the park, nothing to see here - if not, then we just gently tell them it's time to go back to their parents.

My (3) children don't have to make friends on holiday but they usually want to. That's quite normal isn't it?
And if they don't want to play with other children then they don't.
Mine are all 6+ so I don't get involved.

Not OP's family, she specifically had 4 to avoid the messiness of having to have friends outside the family.

OP, if you'd had to stop at 3 would it be ok for another child to join in so the teams are even numbers in volleyball? Honestly, ludicrous.

English or British?

Oh christ, stop being a bloody misery!

@Werweisswohin English. The Welsh and Scots are different and more akin to the Northern Irish.

There is a very particular kind of English reserve, the true underbelly of which has been fully exposed in anonymity on this thread.

OP you have a CF parent issue.

It's not an only child issue.

May I suggest if you don't like your DC socialising get a private villa with a pool.

Well I’m Scottish so there goes your theory

I’m interested in what kind of adults you’re trying to raise by making them believe others can’t enrich their lives? That only their siblings and immediate family are worth spending any time with?

4 kids is the perfect team, they play pool volleyball together but then you have another kid wanting to circle in which means I have to referee one of my kids taking a turn out of their family game
why would you do that? Just let them sort it out amongst them.

This. It makes me very said for my only child 9 year old, who always wants to make (& has made) friends on holiday. Said friends spend at least equal (if not more) time at our tent than at theirs. We would never leave her unsupervised at a pool (actually last year one family offered to watch her in the pool if we wanted but we said no). The other children she has befriended always seem happy to be friends with her. Sometimes there are kids who only want to play with siblings and she just doesn't play with those ones. More often she ends up in a big gang running around. It makes me feel very sad that the other parents are potentially sneering at her for not having siblings. Nasty.

And to add, last Friday we were out at our local cricket club where all the kids go to run around and play on a Friday. We were there with DD, her friend (also as it happens an only child), her friend's mum and our dog. Two siblings came up (parents nowhere in sight, both much younger - aged 5 and 6) and proceeded to spend the whole night hanging around us wanting to play with the girls and the dog and we ended up having to entertain them all night. We played hide and seek, blew bubbles, played football etc with them. No idea where their parents were. It's not just the sad lonely only children that do this.

@Bookmark1111 have you also read the sweeping generalisations about how parents of multiples don’t interact, engage or play with their kids as much and so children who have siblings flock to the Mary poppins mums of one child families 😂😂😂

Or how parents of multiples lack energy to engage with their kids so try and off-load them . There’s plenty of generalisations on this thread of children with siblings..

@Ereyraa not really - there are unsociable Scots too, of course.

Hardly generalisations when it's what parents of multiples have been admitting to throughout the entire thread!

We just got back from holiday and this happened to us. In general I have no issues with the kids playing with others but ds and dd1 were playing when a boy joined in who purposefully was excluding my dd1. She then got upset. I did tell him off all the while his mother was working on her tan without a care in the world. It is hard because dh will happily swing our kids about and others will latch on wanting the same but he simply wouldn't want to touch another person's child. My older two are at an age where they still need supervision and enjoy interacting with us, having another kid changes the dynamic and whether I like it or not I feel responsible for them. They require more supervision if another kid is present not less.

I did have a toddler keep trying to sit in my lap whilst on the flight back. She was cute but I wouldn't pick up and cuddle a child that I dont know. Two of my kids were asleep including my toddler around the same age. I also had dd1 sleeping with her head on my shoulder, she had been unwell whilst away. I told her loudly we needed to find her parents, her mum came up to me and said she wanted to play, fair enough but whilst my own toddler was sleeping I intended on doing the same. We had a 4 hour flight (early flight) plus a 3 hour car drive to get home and entertaining her kid wasn't my job. The child was not crying and both parents were present with no other kids on tow. I'm not cold-hearted but seriously. I wouldn't have let my own toddler do the same.

My DD was desperate to find other children to play with on holiday, we were looking out for other onlies but there weren't many about unfortunately

The bubble thing happened to me! A woman started blowing bubbles for her 2 kids in the playground (next to the sandpit by the way, so near a whole bunch of other children), and my toddler son wanted to pop them too. She was visibly cross. Um... If you want a private bubble sesh babe why didn't you wait until you could do it in your own garden? Why should I wrangle my kid away from the bubbles that are literally floating next to him just because they weren't "his" to pop? Silly cow.

@Bookmark1111 where ? I haven’t seen this at all. Actually read over and over how parents of multiples enjoy their family time , how their kids all get on and play together.
I haven’t read any comments from parents of multiples say they don’t engage with their kids or play with them or anything like that. I have three and love playing with them , we really enjoy our time and life altogether as 5. My kids love having extra kids to play so that would be a non issue but I do see from the ops side. Especially when the op mentioned her teenage son (who sounds great) playing with his siblings and the parents nodding that he could play with their dc when he didn’t want to !!! Which is absolutely fair enough .
I do get that it’s probably irritating and her experience is that it does happen a lot on holiday to them. Life is busy and I’m sure as a single mum the op is busy especially with 4 kids and maybe they just want that time for themselves. Re culture , I’m Irish and it’s the more the merrier in general but I won’t be responsible for other peoples kids . My sil does this a lot , wants my older kids to essentially “babysit” and watch her dcs at events and parties and my older kids don’t want to , they want to play football and enjoy themselves and that ok too. You just need to say it.

I find as mum of an only it’s us that get all the waifs and strays tagging along because we actively play with her and have lots of fun unlike the parents who have several so they could ‘entertain each other’ while the parents ignore them all…

So don’t watch other people’s kids then, simple problem with a simple solution. Stop whining about something that isn’t an issue.
Obviously if you happen to notice that they’re drowning in the pool it might be wise to intervene but other than that it’s really not your problem, or a problem at all in fact.

I'm all for kids connecting and playing together but it is true that if another kid joins us, I then can't relax as much as I have to observe what dynamic the other child is bringing to the group. Some kids just aren't so easy or pleasant as just nicely fitting in. If I am there to have a nice time I am not going to want to deal with teaching someone else's child not to be disruptive or unkind.

I'm past those days where this is an issue. I just don't want to deal with kids who need active supervision anymore. I've raised a large family and now I get to relax a little. If someone's child wants my attention I don't ignore them, but I'm pretty cool and dismissive so as to be boring. I've had my time, now it's their parents' turn. Their time will come again.