1 child families + holidays + I don’t want to watch your kids

[Theseers]

It’s a running joke in our family that we attract the 1 child family every holiday we go on. I have 4 teens/children and I’m single so one adult. Without exception over the last 10 years every summer/beach holiday we’ve been on a lone child has somehow attached themself to us.

Im not a cold hearted bitch, I had 4 kids so I wouldn’t have to entertain them all the time and I get that there are a number of reasons someone may only have 1 child. But that doesn’t mean I want to look after them on my holiday.

We managed to get to day 4 this year before it happened, a boy of around 7/8 edged his way over encouraged my mum. My lot were playing a ball game in the pool and involved him after he gestured for the ball. Fine, but don’t then roll over on your sun bed and start reading your book ffs. He was then attached to my kids all afternoon, the next day we went to the pool in the AM for a morning swim and the beach for the PM, family appears next to us on the HUGE beach and plonks themselves down 20meters away, immediately the kid comes over and involves himself.

Ive lost count of the amount of holidays we’ve ended up having a tag along whose parents seem to be having a lovely relaxing holiday. I have returned children to the parents a few times, but they either just come back or stand there staring at my kids it’s bloody horrible.

You agree a 3 year old should be left walking alone, far behind along a busy road, while the mother, not turning around once, and completely oblivious to the fact she fell over and hurt herself? Strangers asking where her Mum was, because she looked like she had nobody with her. I said far behind, and obviously I am referring to very young kids that need supervision. If it helps to use the term 'helicopter parenting' to disguise neglect from lazy parenting than hey you do you! There is a balance here.

You've completely changed your story. There's a difference between parents walking ahead chatting whilst child walks behind and child falling over and parents not noticing and continuing to walk.

I haven't changed my story, I have included more detail about one of the things I witnessed, relating to unsupervised young dcs. You're creating your own narrative here. I'm guessing it has hit a raw nerve. I wasn't talking about supervised children, or even partly supervised. I was talking about young children being left trailing far behind while adults don't supervise them in the slightest. I'm not talking about a 10 year old 1 foot behind 🙄

If "raw nerve" is "getting very tired of young people being unable to function without constant parental guidance and supervision" then yes, I've got a raw nerve, caused by the fact that parents are systematically overparenting their children which ironically has the exact same impact as neglect- creating children unable to cope in society.

So you only want your kids to knock around with each other? Or is it just the only children you don’t like? It’s a little ‘you can’t sit with us’ isn’t it. Great views to be passing on to your kids

Well don't take it out on me... I wasn't talking about over parenting...clearly. There is a happy medium, it doesn't need to be one extreme, or the other IMO.

I’m an only and I have an only (who is incredibly sociable and likes making friends). There are many (usually complex) reasons these days why parents end up with only one child. In my case, there is a hell of a lot of guilt involved because I firmly believe little kids should play with other little kids - what 5 year old wants to hang around the whole time with old fogies like us?!

I’d never just dump him on a bigger family on holiday without being present and aware. Be honest - is what you have experienced limited to single child families? I think that’s why many people are bridling here - lots of responsible parents of onlies on the thread who don’t like being tarred with your single brush.

Your attitude to family does sound pretty insular, too: they are in a volleyball team or whatever and no room for anyone else. Not particularly inclusive.

Why must children be inclusive and play with others on holiday?It’s not OP or her children’s job to help socialise children, or give them a break from ‘old fogies’. Some families actually want to spend time together on holiday.

Tbh this thread just reinforces OP’s point, so many appear to
think children need to make temporary friends on holiday, let’s be honest, it’s to make their parents lives easier

OP, I know the type or parent/child you mean, it’s the kid who comes over to your bed, who you have to say you are going for lunch now to, but they say they’ll come, or they’re still
waiting in the same spot when you get back, as their own parents won’t play with them. DH is a very active holiday parent, and attracts this everywhere. Sadly I think the ‘only’ comment has got backs up.

How old are your 4 children OP? This isn't something I have noticed apart from 1 boy hung with us well mainly my own child! I didn't mind at all.

I've a single parent and I've done many holidays with DS this isn't something I've observed when I've been away OP.

You've summarised OP beautifully.

For all those who firmly believe their kids need to play with other kids, why not send them to kids club.

@Ereyraa inclusivity and a degree of tolerance is surely a good value to encourage in children, is it not? Does it not help to make our society more pleasant if we can try to practise it instead of being tribal? I grew up in 80s Northern Ireland, so forgive me if I’ve some serious issues with the “them and us” attitudes imparted on the thread.

I am fairly sociable and open minded myself but many on this thread seem to have had multiple children in part so their kids can avoid having to socialise outside the nuclear family if they so choose. This is, at best, weird and at worst really quite unpleasant.

Not particularly inclusive

I'm not a charity or a business. And actually other peoples kids don't normally add to the enjoyment because it is different being just siblings.

Kids can still grow up and be welcoming and friendly without having to put themselves last.

@Ereyraa I mean: we DO send him to kids’ club. But he’s just a sociable guy and to be honest I don’t particularly want to quash that because some unwelcoming arsehole’s viewing him as a pain just because he’s friendly, you know? He’s only 5.

Fuck me, this thread’s depressing.

@Piglet89 no, holidays are for relaxing and doing what you like, for two weeks of the year etc. Not having to be ‘tolerant’ of other people’s life choices .

@Piglet89 why is it unpleasant?

When you go on holiday do you expect to spend all your time with strange adults? Are you pushed to include them with you even if you'd rather just speak to your adult travelling companions?

Because unstructured play without adults hovering round ready to perform and entertain is beneficial for kids?

@Ducksurprise and @Ereyraa are you both English, by the way?

So other people have to entertain your child?

Nope. Not that this has the significance you seem determined to keep attaching to it.

@Ducksurprise no! As a PP has recently said: I don’t view children playing together (with me close on hand and definitely not abdicating responsibility) as my child being entertained. It’s play: a usually mutually pleasant childhood activity.

This thread is getting weirder and weirder. If you don't want other kids talking to your kids, I'm sure you can find a nice quiet cave to holiday in and avoid contact with other people. Or give them a stack of business cards which say, "This family does not interact with non-family members." Like some sort of strange, extra small cult.

I mean, to be fair - the way some parents of larger families are reacting to a child playing with their children, I think both my son and I would get the vibe early doors that you weren’t the kind of families we want to mix with, given we are not welcome.

@Ereyraa it actually does have significance: English attitudes to society and family are really very different from the way they are where I’m from.