To remind you to thank people for gifts!!

[SmartyFace]

My young children have recently started being invited to parties and it really annoys me when there is no thank-you for the gift! Two of my DC are twins, and I always make sure to get a nice gift from each of them. On one recent occasion I even had something personalised with the child's name on. I saw the mum about 10 days later, and even in conversation the gifts were not mentioned. It's so rude!! A quick text is not that difficult, is it? Obviously I don't buy gifts because I want to be thanked, but I'd be absolutely mortified if I realised I hadn't thanked somebody for something they'd taken the time to buy for me or my child.

Anyway, I know I'm not being unreasonable. I just wanted to say that if this is you, it's bloody rude!

I agree OP.

Went to two weddings in May. Gave them both £50. Not so much as a text.

I think it's really, really rude.

And my DC always used to send thank you cards. I can remember trying to write down who bought what as they were ripping the paper off!!

Not saying thank you just comes across as rude and ungrateful to me. But I accept I'm old fashioned

I have to say, of about 10 parties so far I have had 6-7 thank you messages

@TheresaCrowd you must go to some really boring parties if there's only one person at each one

You must have a lot of time on your hands to be able to do all that

when people are not too busy to get involved on social media like MN forum, they have just the same time 😂

I thanked people in person as the unopened gift was handed over at the party. I did begin by making notes about who had given what (for personal thank yous) when gifts were opened at home afterwards but as it was most of the school class at that stage I gave up. Far too much hassle, and I could thank the majority very quickly in the school playground a day or two later.

I really wouldn't get too hung up on this.

And I'm sure people are just thrilled with piles of paper that they look at go "aw nice" then toss in the bin...

Or photos of someone else's child holding a generic colouring book and pencils you bulk brought from The Works so you could give a gift at every party without thinking....

People are now bringing weddings, Christmas and general birthdays into it. The original post was about young children's parties.

I spent ages writing thank you cards for our wedding individually- there were about 65. It took a long time! I've never not had thank you cards after a wedding- some people going to town with it more than I did with photos and so on.

When DD1 first attended class parties I did hand write thank you notes. But when Whatsapp was around by DD2 I thanked God no-one seemed to do that any more and that I didn't have to do that any longer either. Or buy invitations that got lost in bags. Anyone who sends me a gift is happy to receive a thank you in person or on Whatsapp these days. The last person who would have expected a written card died about 25 years ago.

I have always encouraged DDs to keep a list (and I did it myself when they were little) of who sent what and send a thank you message. But we never got into writing out cards as no-one expected it.

I do send cards generally and sometimes draw/paint my own. But there is just no-one I know these days who would require a thank you note.

I would never encourage my children to give a hug to anyone unless they wanted to. They normally do give their close family a hug but if they want to say hello or goodbye with a wave that’s fine.

As an aunty as well I would never want my nieces and nephews to feel obliged to hug me, no thanks.

Many of my generation have horrific memories of being forced to hug relatives who were at best smelly and whiskery, at worst gropey creeps. If it makes me one of “those” parents to not inflict it on my own kids then I am fine with that ✅. They do politely say hello and goodbye though before you blow a Victorian gasket…

Hold the phone.

I've been mostly with you up until now Tabtop but, that's a huge topic segway.

Seriously, is this still a thing?!

Surely surely surely we're now in a world where people get to choose who touches them and in what context?

I've taught my son and daughter about consent since they were tiny. Even I ask if it's okay to hug/kiss them and accept whatever response I'm given. I don't want either of my children to grow up thinking they have any right to anyone else's body or anyone has rights on theirs. They don't do it at school either. None of this 'have a cuddle to show you're sorry' nonsense. Doesn't show anyone anything other than the fact that you'll be obedient even when uncomfortable. Isn't that how the Milgram experiment started?

Eye contact and a polite greeting/goodbye absolutely. Also have taught them that it's okay to reply with something like 'I wouldn't like a hug but how about a handshake?'.

Struggling to see how the other poster genuinely thinks they are in the right to force their child to hug people they don't want to and ignore their own personal boundaries!

I'd also say it was much ruder to judge someone for how they chose to use their limited mental capacity, particularly if that's because of a disability.

And lots of these "well I spent so long picking a present" types sound like they are making the present more about themselves than the person whose birthday it actually is

Yeah that was about the point I stopped giving their opinions much consideration. Really glad the general population seem to see this as a boundary line these days.

Also love your username btw :)

I would always send a thank you, used to be a note but might be a WhatsApp or text but forcing a child to hug someone is beyond unreasonable. I don’t force any child to hug me - would you?!

Imagine forcing a child to hug you just because you’re related to them. They don’t owe it to you. I would expect a verbal goodbye, a wave and being polite. Forcing a hug is unnecessary.

Before you all throw yourselves to the ground in horror as you leap to the most extreme conclusion possible (which I am unsurprised at), please note that I used the word ‘encourage’ on purpose.

Do you reply back also to say ‘thank you’ for the party bag your child has likely also been given as a gift? Honestly - for while class parties like you describe the group WhatsApp is perfectly acceptable! My DD is 18 now, but one year she had a joint party. I didn’t expect presents from everyone (honestly would have preferred not!), but we got them. I counted 65 presents! I rationed them over the period of about 6 weeks! Utter carnage .. I needed therapy to recover from the whole event!! 😂

This is now completely off topic. Sorry OP!!

I suppose because the line between encouragement and expectation can be thin, and in the parent/child relationship where the power balance is irrefutably skewed then it's hard to know if encouragement still allows room for autonomy and polite disagreement?

I'm in my 30's. If my mother 'encouraged me to lose weight' I would very much read between the lines that it was something she deemed a necessity and was trying to tell me in a kind way I needed to do. So if I was 'kindly encouraged' to hug someone even though I didn't want to, as a child, I'm not sure I would have ever assumed I had a choice. Adults have so much power over children, sometimes I don't think they realise.

Also your brackets are pretty inflammatory. I feel like you want to accuse others of being dramatic, but these aren't aiding your case.

“Would you like to give grandad a hug?”
”no thank you. Bye bye grandad, thank you for the cake!” is fine

encouragement comes in different forms…

Makes absolutely no difference.

Despite your obvious assumptions (we see them 👀 ) that anyone who doesn’t agree with you lives in a woke hell hole with completely feral kids and no semblance of civilisation, my kids tend to try to do as I ask them. So if I encourage them to give pervy uncle Dave a cuddle they may well do it because they think it’s what I want them to do/ that it’s the “right” thing to do. And why would I be encouraging them anyway, if their natural instinct is to be polite but not want a hug, I have no problem with that and thankfully nor do their relatives.

Wish I was this eloquent. Either irl or on the net tbh!

Bro

You are the one making assumptions.. where on earth did I imply that I think that youre living in a woke hell hole with feral children?!?! This is an extraordinary reach!

Why on earth would any even half sensible parent encourage their child to give pervy uncle Dave a cuddle?! Why does everything have to be so extreme? I can only speak from my experience of, admittedly and thankfully, a very stable family background with no issues and if my children petulantly said they wouldn’t give their adored granny a hug for whatever reason, I would absolutely encourage them to do otherwise. In fact, it happened once. My child was having a strop, refused to hug her grandparents when they were leaving, and then cried for the next hour because she missed them and felt terrible for not doing it.

What?

You think the OP bought a present for every single child at the 10 parties?

Why would she do that, and not just for the kids whose birthdays they were?