Holiday dilemma putting friendship at risk

[SunshineOceanAndOranges]

Hi all, I'll try and keep this one brief but it needs context. I have a very old, very close friend who is pretty much part of the family. She is meant to visit my parents' holiday home for a couple of weeks this summer together with her young daughter who is 3 years older than my youngest. They both get on very well, even though I do worry that the older girl will rope my DD into doing things that could be reckless. I am not normally an anxious parent but this is a real concern, especially as the local beach is known for hazardous riptides. I've had a couple of difficult months with a few traumatic events (sadly the word applies here). As a result of one of them, I've been dealing with an injury which will need a procedure right at the time they were meant to arrive. That will mean I can't be there to help with hosting and I worry my DPs will overexert themselves if they take it upon themselves to look after everyone in my absence... I have told my friend about it but she's not really taken the hint. The truth is, even if she postpones her stay to coincide with mine, I don't think I will be up to much, and it will just be a miserable experience for everyone. She's been looking forward to it for months though so I feel really bad to just cancel on her. Honestly though, physically and mentally I just don't want visitors this year, no matter how close... How do I tell her without ruining the friendship?

This was the bit in your OP that chilled my blood. Riptides drown people regularly. Then I saw your post where she called you " incredibly nervous" and said "you can't wrap them up in cotton wool".
There's absolutely no way I'd let someone take my kids on a beach with riptides if they were that ignorant of the very real dangers.

Your thread and updates are very confusing @SunshineOceanAndOranges and it’s probably the good indicator of how anxious you are about the whole situation.
I completely understand what you are saying. I personally didn’t leave my daughter with my parents or my sister without me for more than a few hours. It’s a bit different circumstances them yours (additional needs) but the reason was the same I couldn’t trust them to look after Dd properly. They usually focused a lot on hosting aspects like cooking and cleaning so DD could easily get in to trouble unsupervised.
I think @Blink282 offered a really nice message to send. And I think you have to be clear that you are after rearranging. Your friend might say: “of course I will help them. I won’t take your DD swimming” etc etc. But then they will go swimming and your DD will be upset and your DPs will say: oh of course go with them etc etc People tend not to follow your instructions when you are not there.
Hope your procedure goes well and you will be able to relax a bit with your family and your friend.

I wouldn't cancel someone's family holiday, especially so last minute. I would just explain the situation and say that you would really appreciate her helping out your parents during the stay with the shopping, cooking and cleaning as you worry it will be too much for them. It's also not really your place to make decisions for your parents, they may be looking forward to having them come and stay.