Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If your Dh died or you got divorced do you think you'd remarry

443 replies

Eastereggmadness · 20/07/2024 23:23

My DD 10 asked me this out of the blue? And asked me to promise I never would! (She'd watched some programme with new stepmum in it).
And it got me thinking. I don't think I ever would at least till they were grown up) as I don't think my kids would like it. But maybe that is a bit martyrish of me. I wonder what others think.

OP posts:
ManonDe · 21/07/2024 07:35

DH is more than 20 years older than me and in his 70s so it's a question I have asked myself. I would think no. For a start I have a disabled child and need our joint resources to go to him and our other child and as someone who worked for a probate solicitor i have seen things get very messy once a second marriage was involved. But also- DH is the best thing that ever happened to me. I simply cannot imagine finding anyone that would be as good as him and I can't imagine a better marriage than what he has given me.

I would not mind some companionship and sex though. But not a live-in relationship or marriage. DH is also a bit of a hoarder and because he is older than me was settled so i moved into his house. I'd enjoy having my own space that I could make truly my own. Plus I am quite a solitary person so think I'd be okay living on my own.

Itsallfunngamesuntil · 21/07/2024 07:35

You will never know until you're in the situation.

My wonderful almost perfect husband died when our kids were still quite young. We'd been together about 15 years

It was so so lonely without him and we'd had four very bery hard years during his illness, it was horrendous

3 years after he passed away I was on the dating scene desperate to fill that loneliness gap. Looking back......I was not ready.......as my heart was broken and still is

I'm v v happy by myself now
No desire to meet anyone but I also say never say never!

Chickenuggetsticks · 21/07/2024 07:35

No, my husband is lovely, has his flaws but generally a good egg. I’ve spent enough time on mumsnet to know there are some really lazy men out there.

Rachie1973 · 21/07/2024 07:36

Episcomama · 21/07/2024 00:29

I'm so sorry.

Show quote history

Thank you. We’re quite philosophical about it. For now things are ‘ok’ so we take every day as it comes :) xx

FlyingontheGround · 21/07/2024 07:36

I’m recently separated and I’m on the fence about remarrying. For now, I’m okay with my kids, my job and they will be my focus. But, I am only in my late thirties, what if I get swept off my feet! It’s never happened, so unlikely now at nearly 40 with two children but who knows!

MayonnaiseOnMyChips · 21/07/2024 07:36

No way, I don't think I'd ever be able to fart and stuff in front a new man now. It would be so awkward having to go through all that again 🙃

ManonDe · 21/07/2024 07:36

peachgreen · 21/07/2024 01:12

I always said I wouldn’t. Said nobody could ever measure up to DH so if he wasn’t here I would rather be alone etc etc. Then my DH actually died and I was a widow at 36. The reality turned out to be very different to the hypothetical and I am angry at past me for being so smug and sure about things. My DP has hugely enhanced my life – and DD’s – and I am so grateful to have had two such kind, generous, lovely, gentle, patient men as my great loves.

That's wonderful. Thanks

Eviebeans · 21/07/2024 07:37

Ridiculousme · 20/07/2024 23:32

Gawd no, 24 years in, not got the energy to train another one.

Exactly- married 20 years first time. Coming up to 22 years with the second. I don’t have another 20 years in me

Bemusedandconfusedagain · 21/07/2024 07:38

I might have a relationship in time, but I would never remarry as I wouldn't want to put my/my deceased husband's assets at risk. I'd want to preserve them for DC.

Moonshiners · 21/07/2024 07:39

I'm early 50s and 2 of my childhood friends have recently divorced and remarried. Both have definitely upgraded. They have both found solvent, funny, kind men but this isn't the norm.
Both had 100% resolved to be single forever but instead went for a bit of fun sex and ended up meeting so far (2ish years in) lovely people. I am happy for them as it can be lonely to spend decades alone especially when the kids leave home.
When you have kids it's easy to not feel so alone but once they have flown the nest it is a bit more lonesome.

MrsToothyBitch · 21/07/2024 07:40

It depends. I think I'd date but I don't know if I'd want to live with anyone again. I quite enjoyed living by myself.

I really love my husband. Not sure I'd be so lucky finding someone like him again!

DustyLee123 · 21/07/2024 07:41

I wouldn’t promise this to my kids, as you just never know.

BobnLen · 21/07/2024 07:43

I'm old so no but I think if I was younger I would be more likely to if I was a widow rather than divorced because if I was divorced I probably wouldn't want to bother again as I would be glad to be rid of him and see being married as a miserable time, whereas if he had died, I wouldn't have bad memories.

Borninabarn32 · 21/07/2024 07:44

I divorced ex and I'll marry DP. If I lose DP then I will give up on men for good.
I wasted 10 years of my life with abusive ex, I had given up on men entirely and believed they were all abusive arseholes. DP was not supposed to be a relationship, and Now I just believe most of them are. DP is the most amazing man I have ever met, he is absolutely perfect for me. Anybody else would be a huge downgrade and I have zero interest in risking being abused again for the sake of a mediocre at best relationship. I could never love any body else or be as happy with any body else and that wouldn't be fair to them either.

SallyWD · 21/07/2024 07:45

Maybe if it happened when I was younger. I'm 49. I think if it happened now I'd want to be alone. I couldn't be bothered to start a new relationship now. I believe I'd be happier alone.

Sagarmatha · 21/07/2024 07:45

SamW98 · 20/07/2024 23:35

Depends on age I think. I’m in my 50’s and none of my divorced or widowed friends want to live with a man again - not a single one.

And as single older women I can tell you the picking out there are very slim indeed so the chances of meeting anyone worth marrying is remote.

Edited

I totally agree
I'm in my early 50s and missed out first time as I gave 8 years to an abusive man.
Had kids alone and altho I'd love company and someone to share life with, I cannot find anyone worth my time or energy. I'm starting to face the idea that I may never meet the man I should've met when I was younger.

@SamW98 is 💯 right about the chances.

JaninaDuszejko · 21/07/2024 07:45

One of my friends Mums was widowed when we were teenagers (she would have been in her 40s) and when I was younger I always thought it was a shame she never remarried. Now I'm in my 50s with teenagers I can see why. I'd definitely never remarry, I'd want my kids to inherit everything and a second marriage would complicate that.

I might have a FWB arrangement and when the kids were all left home and settled possibly live with someone but never a marriage.

Lemony3 · 21/07/2024 07:48

Maybe I’m in the minority. I am divorced quite recently. I would remarry. I have taken time on my own and had therapy. I wouldn’t rush to live with anyone etc. I like my life. I don’t regret my divorce at all. But if it occurred and was 100% the right person yes I think I would. However I see marriage as less important it literally is a piece of paper. People change, through different stages of life. I would be older if I remarried so different stage to previously. I don’t believe anything is forever. Committing to someone in my twenties was probably a really stupid thing to do as I didn’t understand myself.

NoWordForFluffy · 21/07/2024 07:48

jesnih · 20/07/2024 23:28

No, I've thought about this a few times. When I met DH I wasn't interested in being in a couple or getting married or even having dc, I've never wanted any of those things in an abstract sense. I'm happier on my own. But I fell for DH so I made an exception. If he was no longer in my life, I would just continue as it was before I met him (but with dc).

This is exactly like me!

UserID59272626 · 21/07/2024 07:49

Ridiculousme · 20/07/2024 23:32

Gawd no, 24 years in, not got the energy to train another one.

Brilliant!🤣

AhBiscuits · 21/07/2024 07:50

I don't think so, but never say never.

mindutopia · 21/07/2024 07:51

No, they broke the mold whe. They made Dh. He’s one of a kind and I’d never find anyone as great as hi again. Also I frankly don’t like people much! I like him. But I can’t imagine getting close enough to anyone to actually determine if I enjoyed them, because I really would prefer to not be around people if I can help it. 😂

distinctpossibility · 21/07/2024 07:51

I have been lucky enough to be married to one of the very best men for 15 years now. If we weren't together any more I'm sure I would want to find love again eventually because my DH has enriched my life so much. I'm an intelligent, pretty woman - and only 35 - so I am sure I could find someone pretty amazing second time around. However, I don't think I'd want to blend families while children were still young, which would obviously make it harder. It would take a long time to move on for me, though, as DH is in soul mate territory (even though I don't believe in soul mates as such).

StormingNorman · 21/07/2024 07:53

I think I’d be too lazy to do OLD. It sounds awful.

LizzieLine · 21/07/2024 07:57

StormingNorman · 21/07/2024 07:53

I think I’d be too lazy to do OLD. It sounds awful.

Agree! I’m late 40s now. Online dating wasn’t a thing when I was single. Not a chance in hell I’d do it if I became unexpectedly single again.