If your Dh died or you got divorced do you think you'd remarry

[Eastereggmadness]

My DD 10 asked me this out of the blue? And asked me to promise I never would! (She'd watched some programme with new stepmum in it).
And it got me thinking. I don't think I ever would at least till they were grown up) as I don't think my kids would like it. But maybe that is a bit martyrish of me. I wonder what others think.

No, I couldn't be bothered.
But if I did happen to stumble upon a new love, I would never force a boyfriend on our DS, I would never bring another partner into my DSs home.

I'm not denying that.

At the moment my sister is going through an awful health crisis due to a brain tumour. Her husband has supported her fantastically. Without him her life would have fallen apart.

I know of many cases where a husband has helped his wife through difficult times.

I'm widowed, and when my husband was dying, I went to a carers group. I was listening to a bunch of women for whom caring was going on for far longer than me, and thought "I can't go through this again" and knew there'd be no-one else.

I do miss having a default person to share activities with though. Initially I enjoyed my own company and learned to relish that independence. But that's worn off now and I frequently feel lonely. But that kind of friend that I need, not a husband or partner.

No. I’d get loads of cats.

I am a step parent and would categorically not blend families or have a partner live with me until DC’s were adults.

I might remarry if the right person came along when the kids were older and independent.

No. They're more trouble than they're worth and I wouldn't have the time to put into dating anyway.

No!

100% NO. I would never live with a man again ever. I would live with a female friend though.

I'm 61, been looking after DH after a cataclysmic event effectively disabled him. I absolutely wouldn't want to run the risk of having to do it again for someone else, and the chance at my age would be quite high. I don't want him to die but I can see a future for me beyond the terrible now and the inevitable. So, no to another 'relationship' , but having a male friend to hang out with would be fine.

No idea.

It's easy to say no when you're not in that position but who knows what the reality would be?

I really can’t imagine marrying anyone else. I hit the relationship jackpot with dh while I was quite young and we understand each other in a way that no other could come close to. Also, I’d want my dds to know that I am 100% focussed on them.

If I were to meet someone special that I got on with and could share some fun and happy times with, I wouldn’t be averse to it. But marriage, no. And I wouldn’t go looking for it either, it could only be something that happened organically and naturally without force. I’d be quite self-sufficient living on my own with my animals and dds stopping by for however long they wish to.

No.

No. I like my space, good night sleep and no clutter.

my mum died at 59 and dad remarried. I like her, shed kind and my dad is happy and she really looks after him. I have 3 stepsisters but we dont really do anything. Just a chat in the street etc.

but that’s bot my cup of tea

100%, it's from people who are adamant about something they've never personally experienced. Like you, @farmergirl15 I have found my DH2 after losing my lovely DH1 in very sudden unexpected circumstances, that I wasn't expecting in a month of Sunday. I've made DH2s life happy and vice versa, neither of us turned down the chance for happiness,

plus, having lost a life partner you're also confronted with crass judgement when you do find love a second time round about how you mustn't get together with someone within x amount of time after losing their DH/DP.

It's because it's never happened to the judgers so up they climb into their very high horse telling others how to live their life and what they can and can't do and in what timescales, even though it isn't their life that has been torn apart.

Given that I'm well past more children remarriage would make no sense at all for me. It would bring me no advantage but would give another person rights over my and DH's assets which should go to my kids. Not in a million years. I'm surprised when people with adult kids remarry for this reason. Why complicate things?

Having another relationship without the legal and financial implications of marriage is different. My DF had a relationship with a lovely lady after my DM died. Her companionship was very good for him in his later years. Both were totally clear about no financial connections and kept separate homes.

Maybe, definitely not when kids were young. My issue is I’m quite socially needed, the idea of living by myself sounds awful. So much so I made my current DH promise that I get to die first 😂😂

No, I wouldn’t. Aside from the fact that my DH is wonderful, the impact on kids of step families isn’t always positive. I wouldn’t want to risk that (as a step child myself).

In the later years of my marriage to dh I was absolutely certain I would never live with someone or sleep with them again. I couldn't even imagine wanting sex. It wasn't even a bad marriage and he was a lovely man that i loved dearly but his illness made life extremely hard. I'm not brilliant at being a carer and I craved time on my own in my house like a drug. I think I got 20 minutes at home alone in total over that last three years.

After he died I was very OK being on my own for a long time. I was 48. I'll never forget the first night I slept deeply right through in my own bed. And ds was still a young teenager so there was every reason not to bring anyone new into our lives.

But it turned out I did want to be with people again. At first casually, but then further along I met dp, and life just became so much better. We moved in together once all our children had left home. I'm.vrry happy. And given all that, I'd never say never. I know a 91-year old newly-wed who seems to be thoroughly enjoying herself tbh.

If you get married with existing DCs you are disinheriting them.

So no.

I wouldn't want a life of celibacy either.

I thinks it’s one of those things you can’t really answer until you’re in that situation. And there’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely.

How is this the case? You set up your will to not disinherit them at all!

You can’t comment until you are in that position. My husband died 7 years ago. I’ve been with DP 5 years. I loved DH with all my heart but the crushing loneliness and lack of companionship was incredibly hard. I won’t marry him as I need to protect mine and my children’s assets but he has only added good things to our lives. He lives with us, moved in after 4 years and my kids, late teens and early 20’s adore him. Most of the time they prefer him to me

death is different to divorce. If you have had a good marriage you aren’t wounded by it ending. You can believe that marriage can be good.

Are all the "you can't know untill you've been there" posts talking about remarrying or a new relationship?

Different things and yes you can absolutely know regarding marriage.

I am this year. Why shouldn't you have happiness? Just choose wisely and don't rush it

I agree.
a marriage had financial and legal consequences and complications and as I have already have DC, I wouldn’t want that. I want my DC to inherit from me.

Am sorry for your loss this must have been really hard for you x