If your Dh died or you got divorced do you think you'd remarry

[Eastereggmadness]

My DD 10 asked me this out of the blue? And asked me to promise I never would! (She'd watched some programme with new stepmum in it).
And it got me thinking. I don't think I ever would at least till they were grown up) as I don't think my kids would like it. But maybe that is a bit martyrish of me. I wonder what others think.

Nope not a chance. Dh and I separated for 6 months last year, and the thought of dating someone else just made me recoil. I'm happy in my own company, plus my Nan was widowed in her 30s, remained single and all I saw was a powerful, strong woman living a very full and busy life so I have a great role model of how to live single and independently.

I think it is very age dependent though - I'm past the age of having any more children, and financially secure, so what would another husband really bring to the table? If I was in my 20s or early 30s it would be different

Absolutely not.

The assets we've built up in 40 years are for our children.

Not someone else's.

Neither of us would remarry for this reason.

No, I love him but he drives me crazy. I often love my own company. He has such odd ways and although we have fun and laugh he is so messy, cluttery, doesnt seem to want a nice home or a homely feel. He leaves the toilet a mess and really just uses the home as a hotel. He is great at fixing stuff though, and being active with the kids! I'm not impressed by many men and most are a massive disappointment, so he'd have to be exceptional or I'm staying on my own.

Nope.

I’d date and have relationships but wouldn’t move anyone in until kids had left home.

i have told DH to his face that if he dies I’m getting a Westie though

No kids, so that's not an issue.
But after 30+ years of marriage, I think I'd quite enjoy living solo, and I've always been happy with my own company. I can't imagine wanting a new partner at this stage. Also, the thought of having to adapt to all of a new person's quirks and foibles.... no thanks! There is a reason why lots of older couples stay unmarried and don't even live together, keeping their own houses.

If you have kids there’s a very big reason why you wouldn’t. If you don’t, absolutely!

Absolutely not. I might date, I might have lots of special friends like Carol Vordeman, but I would never ever live with another man again.

I would remarry if I met the right person (I'd have high standards and have three young children, so I wouldn't be settling).

It's interesting... I once read a theory that people who are happily married are more open to remarrying if they're widowed (theory being that they view marriage as positive and desirable). My elderly parents have a friend who has married three times (due to being widowed), each time very happily. However, I can certainly appreciate that one might not want to remarry for fear of not being as happy as you were in your first marriage.

Life is like a box of chocolates - leave it too long and only the weird nutty ones are left.

Don't agree with that statement one bit. If you have a wonderful partner and so many on here are saying this, if you die first then they will be left won't they? I woud be open to it, because there is no feeling in the world like having a loving supporting partner by your side. There are more amazing people out there than this forum would have you believe. For me it would be the minefield that is the dating process that puts me off. I would not in a million years use a dating app. So I guess I would carry on with my life but not be actively looking for another partner, remain open to what comes my way and I hope my husband does the same if I go first. We will always be a part of each other, no matter what comes after.

I think I'd find it challenging to be alone after so many years of marriage, and I would miss having a companion, but the thought of dating again exhausts me and has zero appeal. The reality of loneliness might change my mind, but right now I don't feel I'd be interested in another man for a very long time, if ever.

I wouldn't. My plan was always to stay single forever and it was only because my husband was so compatible with me that I changed my mind. We share literally every important opinion and rarely have strong disagreements on the minor ones. The chances of someone being as compatible and also as kind as him are basically zero, so I'm not interested in another relationship.

Especially now I have no desire for more children and I want to do the best for the one I have emotionally and financially. I don't want to risk a blended family unsettling him and want everything I/my husband have to go to him.

@Poppins2016

It's interesting... I once read a theory that people who are happily married are more open to remarrying if they're widowed (theory being that they view marriage as positive and desirable

That’s interesting. I absolutely hated being married but have never been sure how much of that was because it was a suboptimal marriage and how much of it was marriage itself.

But the template of my parents marriage was in theory a good one in that they were happily married but my mum appeared so diminished as a person in the marriage. My dad was so much of a bigger character and so much more in the driving seat she just seemed not to have any agency at all. Not all marriages are like that but I knew I would bridle at the idea of being committed to someone for life.

My current LTR works well for a variety of reasons but in large part because we are both on the same page with this. We are faithful and committed but we both find the paraphernalia and the infrastructure of marriage horrendous and wish to avoid it.

I love reading stories about people who have found love second time round.

For myself, I get so lonely when my DH is away, that I’m sure I would want to be with the right man if I ever got to meet him. However what I want and could achieve (the right man wanting me) are two different things.

No. Once is enough. Got married at 40.

I think I would. I wouldn't want to be alone for the rest of my life and think it would be nice to find happiness again if (God forbid!) Anything happened to my husband.

I do have 4 kids though so wouldn't be a catch 😅

Think it’s impossible to really say until you maybe meet someone but interested in whether someone in that position ever thinks of whether their former DH would approve/like the new partner?

Definite no from me. Too many financial complications.

Big no to living with someone again or getting married. I'd happily date

I'm 59 and my hubby will be 64 next month, we met in September 2007 and officially married in February 2011, first marriage for us both. No kids by choice before we met or after ... + we're too old anyway!

I absolutely worship him and he knows it so no, there's no chance of divorce - we're very happily married - if he dies before me, if it's today or not for years to come, I'd never re-marry. There's only one hubby I want to be married too!

On my third marriage. Not a chance would I ever again.

This

Yes this ! I can’t really make myself hot food so would need someone to come and feed me. And I get bored by myself.

I'm divorced and have dated extensively since the divorce 😂 I love sex, and like being in a relationship. Not sure about marriage though, and wouldn't live with someone without marriage (not religious, but my personal and financial security is very important to me. I like owning my own house).

I have a lovely DH and we have been together 24 years. I’m only 43, he is almost 10 years older than me. Chances are, he may die before me. I’ve been with him since 19 so think when/if the time comes I will miss him desperately but I will probably embrace the freedom that I’ve never actually had.

That said, I connect well with the opposite sex so cannot say I would not have another relationship, but I would not marry. It’s the assets - they will be secured for my DD and I would be extremely protective of that, like most on this thread it seems.