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Original poster

If your Dh died or you got divorced do you think you'd remarry

443 replies

Eastereggmadness · 20/07/2024 23:23

My DD 10 asked me this out of the blue? And asked me to promise I never would! (She'd watched some programme with new stepmum in it).
And it got me thinking. I don't think I ever would at least till they were grown up) as I don't think my kids would like it. But maybe that is a bit martyrish of me. I wonder what others think.

OP posts:
sunlovingcriminal · 21/07/2024 08:32

farmergirl15 · 20/07/2024 23:28

I said I wouldn't, however when I was in my late twenties my husband died. I met my new husband 5 years later and we are coming up to our 9th wedding anniversary. We have a daughter together.
It's very easy to say something until you've gone through it then you can't make the decision.

This.

Not same circumstances, but my exH had an affair and I found myself unexpectedly single at 36. Remarried at 42. My ds loves my dh. In my 30s and when I thought I was happily married to my exH I would have said "if I became single, I'd remain so".... but turns out that wasn't what I did actually want when faced with it!

schnubbins · 21/07/2024 08:32

No way ! I couldn't get used to another man.would live with a female friend though.

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 21/07/2024 08:33

I divorced over twenty years ago and have happily lived on my own since. First with the children then completely alone. I wouldn't want to live with someone again. I love having my own space, making decisions without the need to compromise. Of course it comes with drawbacks. I don't have anyone to share moments with or bring me a coffee or console me when things go wrong. But I didn't have that in my marriage either!

Dearg · 21/07/2024 08:37

It’s a no for me.

I am 63 years old and hope that my DH & I have most of rest of our lives together. But if the worst happened and I lost him unexpectedly, I cannot imagine wanting to remarry.

I love the company of men and women , and I would sorely miss going out with my DH - for dinners, concerts, art shows. But I would be ok doing that without committing to marriage, or even living with another (old) man.

Not that I would lock myself away in widows’ weeds ( like MIL) but I like my own space.

SallyWD · 21/07/2024 08:37

schnubbins · 21/07/2024 08:32

No way ! I couldn't get used to another man.would live with a female friend though.

Oh God, I couldn't live with a friend either. Much as I love my friends, I couldn't have them in my space 24/7.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 21/07/2024 08:41

I’ve been very lucky with dh but I’d never want another man - not that I’d have any offers at my great age. 😂
TBH I’d rather have a dog.

BigDahliaFan · 21/07/2024 08:41

Not sure … I’d be happy having another relationship but not sure I’d rush to live with someone again.

myDH would be on to the next one without a pause…..

Dogstar78 · 21/07/2024 08:41

I think divorce and death have two separate answers for me. I didn't marry my son's Dad. We split when he was 3. A few months later a chance encounter led me to my current relationship of 10 years and we are happy. I did not want to be with anyone after the split, but fate played her hand!

Death, I think it would be hard to say but my instinct is no, for the reasons others have said.

Sometimes, I do wonder if either death or divorce happened and I found myself alone and wanting a partner or attracting a partner it might be a woman rather than a man. I see this as more likely. I've never been in a relationship with a woman, but I am attracted to women. All relationships have their ups and downs but I have maybe an unrealistic expectation that somehow it might be smoother and more enjoyable.

Previousreligion · 21/07/2024 08:43

If I met the right guy, yes maybe. But I might just live together so future inheritances with pre-existing children were less hassle.

I hated dating before. I actually think I'd be WAY more confident in knowing what I want and asking guys out now than before so I think I might feel differently about it in the future if I'm ever in that situation.

WhatsitWiggle · 21/07/2024 08:45

I was married for 20 years, most of them not happily. I'm loving my independence and have no intention of sharing my home or finances with someone else!

Namechangedforspooky · 21/07/2024 08:45

I always said I wouldn’t as I enjoy my own company but when it came to it I did as I met my now DH when I wasn’t really looking at all. He’s a massive improvement on the first one so would definitely consider remarrying again if I felt I could adequately protect my children’s assets

BrigadierEtienneGerard · 21/07/2024 08:45

No. My father was a widower for longer than he was married and I'd follow his example.

NamelessNancy · 21/07/2024 08:55

This thread is a bit like the upside down version of the many ones where a woman is cohabiting with the father of young children and giving up work but sees marriage as "just a piece of paper". Marriage is a legal contract not a Disney invention. Hugely beneficial for some and potentially detrimental for others.

Crikeyalmighty · 21/07/2024 09:02

@mehimthem I totally get that- similar situation- I'm the one though that doesn't want sex because stuff he's done over the years has kind of just turned off sexual:romantic feelings-

Thepeopleversuswork · 21/07/2024 09:06

Absolutely not. When my marriage broke down I was absolutely clear that I would never marry again. Mainly for inheritance reasons: I don’t want some bloke walking off with money earmarked for my daughter. And to make sure she remains the number one priority in my life.

But also I hated everything about being married, I found it stifling and incredibly boring and I find the vast majority of men default to some dreadful 1950s template of how men and women are supposed to interact. I hate the idea of being committed to one person forever. I also absolutely loathe weddings and the whole hideous trappings of them. I wasn’t even sure I would ever want to cohabit again. I hated living with a man first time around.

I am now finally cohabiting with my lovely partner after seven years of me pushing him away but I was very clear from the outset that under no circumstances would I remarry. Thankfully he is fine with that. But by God was I nervous about putting myself through all this stuff again. I sure as hell wouldn’t do it a third time.

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 21/07/2024 09:10

Absolutely not. I’m divorced and the peace in my house was hard won. I wouldn’t give it up for anyone.

Wishicouldlovemyself · 21/07/2024 09:19

My dc are grown now, but if anything had happened when they were young, I'd have stuck to keeping my sex life completely separate and wouldn't bring anyone to my house.

Now, I still wouldn't, but for different reasons.

I like my own space and it would be nice only having to clear up after myself, lol, as I'm very tidy.
I would probably end up having a fwb or I would just enjoy flirting when out, but I definitely don't want to live with anyone again, and I wouldn't remarry.
I've seen friends go through it after divorcing and I've come to the conclusion that most men are pigs, and dating or trying to find someone just doesn't appeal to me.

I'm also certain I'd never find someone who loves me as much and is as good to me as my dh is, so I can't really see the point in trying.

KimberleyClark · 21/07/2024 09:21

No. I can’t imagine meeting anyone else I’m so utterly compatible with as DH.

Chasingsquirrels · 21/07/2024 09:22

After my divorce (separated when my dc were 5 & 2) I said I'd never marry again.
I met my next partner, we were together for several years, then lived together. After a few years he frequently asked me to marry him and I kept saying no, unsurprisingly he stopped asking. One day I just though "I want to marry this man", I asked him, and we married 5m later.
Unfortunately he died 10m after we married.

I've now been seeing someone for 6 years.
When we'd established a relationship we talked about the future and I stated that I didn't want to live with someone whilst my dc were still children, I felt they'd been through enough and didn't need another male in the household whilst they were growing up.
Both of my dcs have finished education and we are now intending to live together shortly.

I don't think I'll marry again, but I've thought that once before and have done so, so never say never.

JohnnyAndTheDead · 21/07/2024 09:24

Nah. Just can't be arsed with it.

ColinMyWifeBridgerton · 21/07/2024 09:25

How can anyone know?

I am pretty sure that I wouldn't settle for just any man, and I would be weary of moving anyone into my home. My standards are way higher now because I already have DC, so no longer hear the tick tock of the biological clock. And also I am happy with my own company.

But if I met a man who I really loved and felt loved by, someone good and who complimented my life, I would want a relationship with him. I don't see why being divorced (or bereaved!) means you should deprive your life of genuine opportunities for love.

I also think it's kind of bad taste to start talking about what you'd do if you were widowed. People are quick enough to judge widows for doing their grief wrong, the last thing they need is people smugly congratulating themselves for how well they'd manage the hypothetical situation.

GingerPirate · 21/07/2024 09:26

😂 Never in a million years.
I love my husband (I'm 45, child free), but
I would NEVER give up that freedom of living
on my own ever again.
Never, ugh, another man! 🤢

Chasingsquirrels · 21/07/2024 09:31

peachgreen · 21/07/2024 01:12

I always said I wouldn’t. Said nobody could ever measure up to DH so if he wasn’t here I would rather be alone etc etc. Then my DH actually died and I was a widow at 36. The reality turned out to be very different to the hypothetical and I am angry at past me for being so smug and sure about things. My DP has hugely enhanced my life – and DD’s – and I am so grateful to have had two such kind, generous, lovely, gentle, patient men as my great loves.

I remember your threads around the time you were widowed PeachGreen and it is lovely to read this post.

Sniffywhippymum · 21/07/2024 09:31

Yep, I would. I absolutely love and adore my DH, he is 'my person' and the love of my life, but I also love being in a relationship and sharing my life with someone. I am better and feel happier as part of a couple and I am not sure I could be happy on my own. As I have got older my circle has become smaller. My Mum passed away, my eldest daughter left home and my youngest leaves for uni in September. It has made me realise how much I love people and how much I need people around me. I know I am probably in the minority but I would definitely be open to a new relationship at some point if I did lose him. Not necessarily marriage but definitely a new relationship. DH knows this, and he knows this about me and I also know if it were the other way round that he would rather be alone than be open to a new relationship. He likes being alone whereas I don't. Each to their own.

BiddyPop · 21/07/2024 09:34

We've had a conversation about this to make sure neither should feel guilty moving on if widowed. Not that we expect either widowhood/widower hood or expect to move on quickly. But I would be happy if DH found someone to be happy with if I'm gone, and he has said the same to me.

Divorce? I don't know.

Similar to Leonard's mom in TBBT, I have been responsible for (many) of my own orgasms for a few years so it wouldn't be for that but companionship and I would be picky about that. (I am currently living alone for the first time ever due to a work posting for a couple of years, and enjoying that, but also appreciate when DH can visit for a good few reasons).