Did the right thing, now cut off from everything

[AnotherNaCha]

Confusing story in bullet points

• separated from DC’s father, not married. He was wealthy. He was also abusive
• he promised me a house in my name, various support - which I’ve been waiting for for about 3 years
• DC makes an allegation about father of a sexual nature
• I am advise to totally block or restrict access while allegations re investigated. Choose to restrict. He goes ballistic
• DC doesn’t repeat allegations, investigation is closed
• Ex then withdraws all support, has his family (who I was close to) cut me off completely, including from their will, takes me off his will, takes me off his life insurance. Says I have lost everything because I didn’t immediately poo poo the allegations and say he’d never do that. The promised house is now out of the question.
• Ive done all the childcare, drop offs, and everything, so he could continue his career. Now I have none and nothing. Yes I was an idiot not to get this sorted earlier, but was also suffering from the aftermath of his abuse

AIBU to think he’s been an absolute prick, “punishing” me when it was his behaviour under question? Sending my DC to stay with him after she told me what he’s said (it was serious) was the most awful moment of my life, now I’m getting “punished” for it?

Your child will always be your priority and rightly so. Sadly she is not his or his family’s.

claim maintenance, and show her and yourself how well you can live your lives without his empty promises

Just get on with your life, earn the money, provide your self with a house. x

There's not really much you can do about it apart from apply for maintenance.

You aren't together anymore, you weren't married so unfortnately as you know you aren't entitled to anything. Yes he's probably being a dick to try and punish you but you also can't do anything about it so leave him to it, get on with your life and show him you don't need him.

Look at it this way - if he was abusive he would never of given you the money house anyway - it was a false hope. Otherwise he’d of married you.

All that matters is yours and your children’s safety.
Im concerned that the child’s allegations aren’t being taken seriously and you seem to be focusing on the reaction you’re feeling?
Is the child being forced to see their father? Do they still claim what happened did happen?

@MiddleagedBeachbum no, the allegations were investigated and the social worker found nothing to support them and she wouldn’t repeat them. It was a few months ago. Worst time of my life. The system is so bad and there was very little else I could do, and I did what I did knowing he’d punish me as a result. I had no choice. It would have been like being silenced with blood money or something.

I literally just have to live in the hope what she said wasn’t true and that if it was, that the life has been scared out of him to ever say it again.

unbelievable situation isn’t it? Found out that even abusive fathers still get access to their kids anyway!

Tge house was never going to happen.

Don't look at it as a punishment but rather escaping from somebody who you said at the top of your post is an abuser.

He owes you absolutely nothing financially, however he is obliged to pay for maintenance towards his child. Get that arrangement in place and move on as best as you can.

its actually quite good to hear the house was never going to happen.. although it DID get close and applied for mortgages etc so I’m not sure. He is a highly earner and has several houses so actually legally, without marriage even, solicitors are telling me there could be a case, only it would cost ££££

I don’t understand how you thought an abusive man would really give you a house, put you in his will and life insurance.

It was a fantasy that has died. Put it aside and apply for child maintenance.

That is a really serious allegation and if remotely true why would you want anything to do with this person

Contact CMS.

Well I was in the will and life insurance, all for the sake of our DC. As always, it’s complicated. But yes, it now felt like a carrot to keep me controlled.

Already have maintenance but not through CMA. He’s over the top earning. As his assets are over £3m solicitors say I am entitled to him housing us both until DC is 18. Which he is currently doing. But could pull at any moment so need to get things done legally and get in a position to earn etc.

The house/ will stuff was just to keep you on the hook. It was never going to happen anyway but at least now you know for sure.

I'm sorry to hear about the allegations of abuse though. It must have been very hard for your child to say it and well done for putting them first.

Calm down. You have the wrong end of the stick and probably not worth re-explaining it to. There was no proven allegations. I have been through hell and back over that. I am now talking about how he’s used the allegations against him AGAINST me. Which is also a valid issue NOW

Yes what a fucked up massive twat I’ve been to stand up for my child 😱

That's really fucking uncalled for. Abuse does fuck with your perception of reality, and yes OP is allowed to be fucked off that this man is still trying to manipulate and control her after she's escaped him and done what was best for her child.

This, I’m afraid. You’re better off setting aside pipe dreams, OP. Focus on what you can practically do now to secure you and your daughter’s future. If you’re living rent/mortgage free now, use the time to earn and save as much as possible against the day you need to house yourselves.

There's no need for that.

The OP did right by her daughter by making a report of the allegations.

Perfectly reasonable for her to feel down that the security she was promised has been swept from underneath her feet.

Thank you. It was hell.

Tuesday I’ve been recalled after a dodgy breast scan. I do think it could be an actual physical manifestation of the helm I’ve been through over this.

Yes, abuse of a child is clearly something that should be spoken about in hushed tones and never defended!

But, just so you understand, I shall whisper.... 'you're part of the fucking problem!'

Why does he owe you a house, a cut of his will and a cut of his family's will?

Claim the maintenance you're entitled to and move on with your life.

I agree with the PP who said you have anger management issues.

To be honest, it's not difficult to type without swearing at people if you're choosing to discuss the issue.

In the kindest way, you're focusing on the wrong thing. Where did your child get that allegation from?

I hope to god the authorities are correct to conclude it didn't happen, but even in that case you need to focus on your child and what made them say that. The money is a distant second.

This with bells on!!