Did the right thing, now cut off from everything

[AnotherNaCha]

Confusing story in bullet points

• separated from DC’s father, not married. He was wealthy. He was also abusive
• he promised me a house in my name, various support - which I’ve been waiting for for about 3 years
• DC makes an allegation about father of a sexual nature
• I am advise to totally block or restrict access while allegations re investigated. Choose to restrict. He goes ballistic
• DC doesn’t repeat allegations, investigation is closed
• Ex then withdraws all support, has his family (who I was close to) cut me off completely, including from their will, takes me off his will, takes me off his life insurance. Says I have lost everything because I didn’t immediately poo poo the allegations and say he’d never do that. The promised house is now out of the question.
• Ive done all the childcare, drop offs, and everything, so he could continue his career. Now I have none and nothing. Yes I was an idiot not to get this sorted earlier, but was also suffering from the aftermath of his abuse

AIBU to think he’s been an absolute prick, “punishing” me when it was his behaviour under question? Sending my DC to stay with him after she told me what he’s said (it was serious) was the most awful moment of my life, now I’m getting “punished” for it?

If it hadn’t been this, he would have found some other perceived slight to blame you for, and behave this way.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Have you escaped an abusive, coercive control relationship and had to deal with continued coercive control from your abuser along with the incredible strain of protecting your child through an abuse allegation investigation - despite knowing that this would result in your ostracisation from family who previously supported you and further abuse and control from your former abuser?

Because if not, sit on your high and mighty throne all you want, until you're in that position, don't judge.

I've just read all 18 posts of the ops again and nowhere does it say it didn't happen.

So where's your proof?

I think people are still thinking you meant the allegation was sexual abuse of your child, though you have explained many times it was not!

@MonsteraMama that's such a fantastic post.

Please copy and repost without the bit at the end, because it's bound to get deleted and that'd be a shame

It doesn't say it did happen either

So where's yours?

Didn't realise I had to!

The child saying it!

Well it would've been helpful

Otherwise it just gets lost with all the other hot air

That's your proof?

Please never accept if you get called for jury service...

I'm so confused. How old is your dd? She said something about something sexual. Something that made you report it, as you should. Now you say well her father didnt do it. Okay, well SOMEONE did. I'm assuming she is a very young child. They dont just make up sexual things happening to them. I'm confused how this is not the most important thing on your mind. SOMEONE has done SOMETHING to your child!

Well clearly you have, all hail! You must be the expert and whatever anyone else says is clearly wrong....

Why do you want your exs money? To me it would be blood money. Just because he's wealthy shouldn't mean you are financially supported for life especially if you weren't even married. If that's the law that needs to change and so outdated for 2024. Totally different supporting a child but not continuing to support a fully grown adult. It reads like your bothered about the lack of money rather than the well being of your child. Surely your priority should be to ensure your child is adequately supported and has some form of counselling.

People really don't seem to understand that the OP's ex was accused of SAYING something of a sexual nature.

He was never accused of DOING something of a sexual nature.

So sorry to hear of your very difficult situation OP. My sense is that this man is punishing you for the stain to his reputation, not because you are to blame but because punishing you makes him feel better. In other words he's taking out his anger on you, using it as an excuse to land some blows.

So saying sexual things to your young daughter is okay?
And since we have not been told what was said, but that it was obviously bad enough for them to investigate, we can only speculate.
Big difference between him saying to daughter "I want you to play with my penis in the bath" or him saying "that lady on tv has a sexy body" but considering it was actually investigated I'm going to assume its probably something pretty disturbing.

👏👏

I could say the same to you.

You can't say out of one side of you mouth "don't judge if you haven't been in a situation" and then make up scenarios in your head and victim blame the OP based on those assumptions out the other side.

I think you need to step away from this thread and hide it. It's clearly upsetting you to the point your ability to read, reason and communicate like a grown up has been impaired.

Oh I have been called for jury service. Null and void point though isn't it?

You're telling me that your dd says something against your dh and you're laying there at night, all happy because it hasn't been proven by people that don't live inside your house?
Yikes!!

This is the reason why women don't report rapes, because no one ever believes us!

He lived in the house.
He was our friend.
He was nice to us.
I smiled at him.

Yada, yada

Absolutely spot on! His reputation and image as a “great guy and great dad” is ALL he cares about. You’ve nailed it

This!

Does your ex and his family think you told your daughter to say that to get back at him. You haven't said how old your daughter is but she seriously needs therapy if she's either been sexualy abused or lying about being sexualy abused as neither of them things are OK. If it's the latter she needs to understand the consequences that can have on the person accused and also to people who have been sexualy abused and not believed.

TRY to read and comprehend. It had NOTHING to do with sexual abuse! It was something SAID to the daughter, and it ended up being nothing, since the DD would not repeat what he SAID. Not sure why you are so, so focused on sexual abuse that didn't happen, but, frankly, it's a bit creepy.

Please, get some help. If you have children under your care, I am scared for them. You are too easily angered and fly off the handle with no reason.

Mmm yes, OK, I'll report myself to the mumsnet police for my kids sleeping safely in their beds with no allegations of anything!!

Would you like to arrest me now or, mmm, maybe later?

I’m sorry you’ve been though this OP, I have recently had similar happen and it is the most distressing thing ever to think something like that could have happened to your child. My DC made it up, it’s still quite hard to fathom but they have a very overactive imagination and think she combined things they’ve heard at school with bad feelings about dad because he’s pretty shit (but not for those reasons). I now know it was not true.

I my case, I’m pretty sure they didn’t tell my ex. I asked them not to unless they were absolutely sure.

How does your exH know? Did the police contact him?

I reckon he would have withdrawn the money etc anyway. You’re still entitled to maintenance etc. You need a good solicitor.