Did the right thing, now cut off from everything

[AnotherNaCha]

Confusing story in bullet points

• separated from DC’s father, not married. He was wealthy. He was also abusive
• he promised me a house in my name, various support - which I’ve been waiting for for about 3 years
• DC makes an allegation about father of a sexual nature
• I am advise to totally block or restrict access while allegations re investigated. Choose to restrict. He goes ballistic
• DC doesn’t repeat allegations, investigation is closed
• Ex then withdraws all support, has his family (who I was close to) cut me off completely, including from their will, takes me off his will, takes me off his life insurance. Says I have lost everything because I didn’t immediately poo poo the allegations and say he’d never do that. The promised house is now out of the question.
• Ive done all the childcare, drop offs, and everything, so he could continue his career. Now I have none and nothing. Yes I was an idiot not to get this sorted earlier, but was also suffering from the aftermath of his abuse

AIBU to think he’s been an absolute prick, “punishing” me when it was his behaviour under question? Sending my DC to stay with him after she told me what he’s said (it was serious) was the most awful moment of my life, now I’m getting “punished” for it?

@NonPlayerCharacter thank you, I tend to agree.

It’s not spousal maintenance as such, but providing housing for me and his child. It’s a child section 39 I think .

There’s also a non-family law thing called TOLATA where I can apply for a share in our joint home as I project managed and contributed to its renovation, etc

Thanks all. It is ongoing emotional abuse. A reasonable person would understand the steps I had to take (and I could have gone to court and temp cut his access completely which my solicitor was encouraging) and be sensitive to what I’ve been through too. Not rewriting the story that I’m somehow to blame and banding his family against me. I have no family of my own so they were like family to me. And of course my DC’s cousins, whom I was also close to and the god mother to one. So its emotional abuse continued really. I didn’t even know about being is his DPs will or expect it - he just mentioned I was cut completely, incl that.

So he never married you. Whatever the reason, it was clear he wasn't prepared to just give you half of his wealth upon separation

Where does it say the OP asked for half?

A house to house his daughter till 18 (which she has )
Maintanence
His parents had included her in the will (their choice)

He's worth £3 million. Doesn't sound like she's going for 50% even if you include spousal maintenance and a % of the renovated house ?.

Quote from ex “the only acceptable response from you was that id never do anything like that. Anything less than that means you are cast out. If you don’t behave as a friend, you get nothing in return. You have blown it”

ie if you don’t behave, you’re out. Control, control

Thank god my DC didn’t go to one of his family with the allegation. They’d have just told her not to be silly daddy wouldn’t do that!! FFS

Its not as easy as just providing for myself though is it - have been out of the workforce for years, supported him through his career and house renovation etc, put myself on the work backbench to do 99 per cent of childcare
The good old MN standard 'i would be very comfortable financially now if I hadn't given up my to be high paid career and sacrifice myself for his sole sake and do childcare even after my only child was FT in school'.

What was this career that you were on the path of that you now absolutely cannot get back into?

You made yourself dependent on a man who wouldn't marry you. Why if it wasn't an arrangement that suited you very well at the time.

Break the chains and do everything to become independent. You might have to lower your lifestyle, but you'll be free and that's priceless.

Where does it say the OP asked for half?
I didn't say she was asking for it, I said it was clearly something he wasn't prepared to do.

ie if you don’t behave, you’re out. Control, control
Indeed, and you are letting him control you. Stop accepting charity from him. He is you nothing at all. Take the maintenance and start supporting yourself. Then there is no control for him to inflict.

You are spouting basic misogyny. I supported his career at the expense of mine. He refused to do any childcare or nursery pick ups. Of course I wanted to be with my child, but it’s a two-way support system that benefited him financially and screwed me.

School FT still requires pick ups and drops offs and getting ready in the morning and looking after afterwards. Leaving me 5 hours max in middle of day. I already work that and at evening and am still earning pitiful amounts

What age is your child? When will they be able to go to and from school on their own? is their a breakfast club/after school club? What are your qualifications? What career do you have experience in?

It is just as simple as provide for yourself - lots of people do it

Charity???? Money for her child is charity. What a spiteful demeaning way to talk about parents in receipt of payments from the NRP

School FT still requires pick ups and drops offs and getting ready in the morning and looking after afterwards. Leaving me 5 hours max in middle of day. I already work that and at evening and am still earning pitiful amounts
You know there are many many single parents who manage to work FT and raise wonderful children. Some with more than 1 child.

I supported his career at the expense of mine
What career of yours did you sacrifice forever, that you couldn't possibly aim to start again?

It's not misogyny at all, the opposite. It's called being an independent woman and not let any man control you. He owes you nothing at all. You were not even married !

Charity???? Money for her child is charity
Charity was in relation to what he gives her, not their common child! Maintenance is for the child AND, especially if a very large amount, which it clearly is as he is so well off, should pay towards housing the child. He doesn't owe OP to house her. Yet he is currently as paying the full rent in addition to maintenance and OP is now moaning because he won't buy her a house. So yes, charity.

It's OP demeaning herself by expecting him to buy her a house. They are NOT married.