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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to keep the compensation money

144 replies

Pink39tree · 20/07/2024 21:00

Sibling lives far overseas, is on a very high paying job and because of this can rarely visit home. Has been begging for me to bring our elderly mother out to visit. We agreed together as her joint birthday present I will travel with her over to the country they are at.

Initially sibling was expecting me to pay for my full plane ticket (very expensive tickets) and half of mums, which I was refusing to do. I was under the impression that I was to pay half of the travel costs of getting mum out there and that included my share of the costs. (I would never of visited if it wasn’t for mum) this meant sibling kept saying they had paid for the full present which was annoying. (I also paid for petrol to the airport, airport parking, mums food/drinks etc which all adds up)

on the way back the flight was delayed by a ridiculous amount of time, it was so badly handled by the airline and we were left stranded. My mum is elderly which meant this delays were a nightmare/stressful to cope with but I made sure she had everything she needed even if I was running around like a headless chicken. It was a long flight and so we also missed out transit which added to the stress as it meant I had to sort out replacements all on my own. Was the worst travel experience I ever had Sibling was not picking up any calls at the time and only sent a text after saying “what a nightmare glad it’s sorted now”

the airline refunded us the cost of both tickets and some compensation on top. (I had to chase repeatedly for this) I’ve kept the money for both tickets despite only paying for my own. Sibling has demanded i repay them for the cost of mums tickets, am I AIBU to keep the money as I feel we only got it for having to endure the suffering of being so badly delayed and sibling didn’t go through that nor did they support.

OP posts:
Lorelaigilmore88 · 20/07/2024 21:02

Your mum should get the compo! She's the one that suffered!

Createausername1970 · 20/07/2024 21:03

Refund your sibling what they paid.

Keep the extra - or split it with your mum.

Blisterly · 20/07/2024 21:03

Compensation is for the discomfort of being delayed. My company pay my train/air travel. If I am delayed I get to keep the compensation as I am the one delayed. Your sister’s income is irrelevant.

Edited to say that the compensation should be split between you and your mum as you both were inconvenienced by the delay.

ThatsCute · 20/07/2024 21:04

Blisterly · 20/07/2024 21:03

Compensation is for the discomfort of being delayed. My company pay my train/air travel. If I am delayed I get to keep the compensation as I am the one delayed. Your sister’s income is irrelevant.

Edited to say that the compensation should be split between you and your mum as you both were inconvenienced by the delay.

Edited

Same. I keep the compensation from company flights. Your mum is due her half of the money. Give it to her.

2Old2Tango · 20/07/2024 21:05

I would refund sibling the cost of the ticket they purchased and keep the compo.

MooFroo · 20/07/2024 21:08

Absolutely nothing to your ungrateful sibling

travelling with elderly parents is stressful enough with all the responsibility - people seem to forget that part! And yes all the other costs add up massively so you’re entitled to it x

SpicyKitty · 20/07/2024 21:08

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

FuzzyStripes · 20/07/2024 21:08

Your mum should have the compensation as it’s a payout for the inconvenience that she suffered, not the cost of the flight.

Likemyjealouseel · 20/07/2024 21:10

It’s not a refund because the gift wasn’t used. It’s compensation as PP said so goes to the two people who were inconvenienced.

Mickey79 · 20/07/2024 21:11

Id have said sibling gets cost of mums ticket back, you get yours back and then the compensation is split between you and your mum.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 20/07/2024 21:13

Your sister should have paid for both of your tickets.

You should keep the refund and compensation.

CelesteCunningham · 20/07/2024 21:15

YANBU not to give any to your sister.

YABU to keep your poor mum's half.

ETA: if your mum then felt it was right to transfer the refund for her ticket to your sister your sister I think that would be fair enough.

KrisAkabusi · 20/07/2024 21:18

Your sister isn't entitled to any of your mum's money. Neither are you.

saoirse31 · 20/07/2024 21:18

It's not yours. Your sibling paid for your mothers? So then it's owed to them. You're essentially robbing them of what they are owed.

Pink39tree · 20/07/2024 21:19

MooFroo · 20/07/2024 21:08

Absolutely nothing to your ungrateful sibling

travelling with elderly parents is stressful enough with all the responsibility - people seem to forget that part! And yes all the other costs add up massively so you’re entitled to it x

This is my reasoning. I suppose there is underlying resentment as well that sibling doesn’t realise how much I have to do to care for an elderly parent/responsibly is on me. while the live on the other half of the world and think because they chuck some money at the situation it equates it.

OP posts:
BlueMum16 · 20/07/2024 21:23

If you've been refunded the flight money that should go to whoever paid for the flight

If you've had compensation that should go to whoever travelled.

Livelovebehappy · 20/07/2024 21:23

You should repay your sister the half of the ticket she paid for you and your mum. Why wouldn’t you? It’s a refund so you should only get to keep the half of your ticket, and your half of your mother’s which you paid for, otherwise it’s pretty much theft. Obviously you and your mum should split the compensation.

ll09sm · 20/07/2024 21:25

You can see how this thread is going to go by the way OP has picked out the response she likes to justify her actions.

why do people ask if they are being unreasonable if they are not willing to listen to the consensus.

Pink39tree · 20/07/2024 21:33

ll09sm · 20/07/2024 21:25

You can see how this thread is going to go by the way OP has picked out the response she likes to justify her actions.

why do people ask if they are being unreasonable if they are not willing to listen to the consensus.

Not at all, I’m reading all of them and taking them onboard. The ones I’m replying with are perhaps the one that have highlighted a reason I should have said myself.

I wouldn’t have have asked if I’m being unreasonable if I didn’t want a variety of views. I’ve made my opinion clear but wouldn’t have come here if I didn’t want people to put their input into it.

i.E never thought to give half to my mum as the other inconvenienced person and if she chooses to give it to my sibling thats her choice.

in terms of people saying it’s theft, my sibling paid to have my mum come visit her and to go home. She got that. If the flight was on time it would have been exactly what they expected. They were not impacted at all by the delayed flights

OP posts:
EsmeSusanOgg · 20/07/2024 21:36

Blisterly · 20/07/2024 21:03

Compensation is for the discomfort of being delayed. My company pay my train/air travel. If I am delayed I get to keep the compensation as I am the one delayed. Your sister’s income is irrelevant.

Edited to say that the compensation should be split between you and your mum as you both were inconvenienced by the delay.

Edited

This. If youw ere to share any compensation it would be with your mum. Not your sibling.

CelesteCunningham · 20/07/2024 21:39

You never thought to give it to the other person inconvenienced, who it's intended for by the company paying the compensation? Confused

Wormfanclub · 20/07/2024 21:39

I find it weird that it didn’t occur to you to give your mum her half of the money.

Turnthelightoff · 20/07/2024 21:40

The compensation is for you and your mum. Speak to her about how it should be split. Is there anything you could agree to spend her share on which could make life a bit easier for you both. It’s a compensation for your inconvenience, not a refund because the service wasn’t provided. It’s just a coincidence that the compensation is partly based on the original ticket fee.

MrsCarson · 20/07/2024 21:42

Giver her back what she paid and keep the rest.

StormingNorman · 20/07/2024 21:45

You keep the refund on your ticket.
Your sibling gets the refund on your Mum’s ticket.
You and Mum split the compensation 50/50