AIBU to keep the compensation money

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Sibling lives far overseas, is on a very high paying job and because of this can rarely visit home. Has been begging for me to bring our elderly mother out to visit. We agreed together as her joint birthday present I will travel with her over to the country they are at.

Initially sibling was expecting me to pay for my full plane ticket (very expensive tickets) and half of mums, which I was refusing to do. I was under the impression that I was to pay half of the travel costs of getting mum out there and that included my share of the costs. (I would never of visited if it wasn’t for mum) this meant sibling kept saying they had paid for the full present which was annoying. (I also paid for petrol to the airport, airport parking, mums food/drinks etc which all adds up)

on the way back the flight was delayed by a ridiculous amount of time, it was so badly handled by the airline and we were left stranded. My mum is elderly which meant this delays were a nightmare/stressful to cope with but I made sure she had everything she needed even if I was running around like a headless chicken. It was a long flight and so we also missed out transit which added to the stress as it meant I had to sort out replacements all on my own. Was the worst travel experience I ever had Sibling was not picking up any calls at the time and only sent a text after saying “what a nightmare glad it’s sorted now”

the airline refunded us the cost of both tickets and some compensation on top. (I had to chase repeatedly for this) I’ve kept the money for both tickets despite only paying for my own. Sibling has demanded i repay them for the cost of mums tickets, am I AIBU to keep the money as I feel we only got it for having to endure the suffering of being so badly delayed and sibling didn’t go through that nor did they support.

I agree with you OP, especially as it wasn't a trip you would have planned on your own. Your sibling was not inconvenienced. You and your mother endured delays, cancellations and being stranded but you made the trip - you kept your end of the promise and thanks to you, your sibling got to see their Mother.

Had you not made it and been forced to return home, I would have suggested refunding the ticket.

Take your mum out for a fancy afternoon tea or a trip to the theatre - send your sibling some photos though.

This, apart from the extra part should be your muns.

Honestly fuck your sibling. They shouldn't get anything and they have a fucking cheek being anything but grateful to you for giving up not only your money- but your time and energy to make their 'present' happen.

I'd give your mum her share. Sibling gets nothing.

Exactly!

OP wrote in terms of people saying it’s theft, my sibling paid to have my mum come visit her and to go home but this is tweaking the truth, the sibling paid for a plane ticket, not « to have their mum come visit », the refund should go to them. Compensation 100% for the passengers though.

If the wording was “ you have been compensated an amount equivalent to the value of the ticket” rather than refund it would be clearer…

Exactly this. Your sibling got what she paid for.

Plus it seems as if you paid extra than the amount they gave you in vouchers. Adding that together, I expect you’re not much more than break even, which doesn’t seem fair when factoring in the disruption and stress of which your sibling had none. They refunded the ticket by way of compensation.

I would give the sibling the gift of reassurance this will never happen again as if they want to see your mum again that’s on them, they can come over themselves, and I guess mum will never visit them again unless they go over and take her back with them. I would keep the money and never do that again.

How much does she know about what has been refunded? Have you told her everything?

Well it’s a tough one as your sister should have said you keep it as you were the ones inconvenienced. It’s more compensation than refund. That’s how I consider it when my trains delayed when I’m travelling for work and I get to keep the return, it’s compensation for a bad journey. But it’s also a refund for a shoddy service. I can’t believe you didn’t offer your mum half if you’re thinking if it’s not who paid but who was inconvenienced. If my sister had asked for the money back I’d have paid it to her though.

Keep it OP. You went there with your mother so your sibling should be happy. YOU were the one taking a horrible trip, not your sister so you are the one being compensated. Your mum has nothing to do with it as she didn't pay anything. Keep the money and tell stingy sister that next time she comes over you hope she has a horrible trip as well so that she can claim compensation 😄

I think it’s tantamount to stealing to keep it but you do you.

You don’t get to misappropriate this money as a payment for the stress of travelling with your mum and doing most of the care. You decided to travel with your mum knowing what she’s like - that’s on you. Any family payment to you for caring should be negotiated separately and would need your sibling’s agreement to be paid.

I have to wonder why you told your brother about it at all op..?

100% agree with this.

You seem to be trying to keep the money as a ‘payment’ for everything you do for DM in everyday life. It’s natural to want that acknowledgment when sibling doesn’t have the same everyday demands, and there’s obviously a lot more discrepancy between you and your sibling going on than this birthday trip. YANBU to feel the brunt of that discrepancy and irritated that they can just throw money from the other side of the world. But it’s not the point here.

Flight ticket refund to the person who paid for the flights. Compensation for delays to the travellers so half to you and half to DM.

Perhaps you can have a discussion about splitting costs for external support for your DM so you get some time back and feel the responsibility is being split more fairly? That won’t be a productive discussion if you’re taking this stance on the flight compensation, though. So I’d try and see the bigger picture for hopefully better long-term sharing of support.

Your sibling got what they paid for with no inconvenience.

Split the compensation between your you and your mum. If she wants to give it back then that is on her.

I regard the refunding of the tickets as compensation too.

This shouldn’t be an issue - ticket money goes to those who paid for them, compensation money goes to those who travelled.

“They got what they paid for, which was your mum visiting and you accompanying her.”

but equally op and their mum got a flight to visit ops sibling so why is it fair they get their money back but the sibling doesn’t. Yes op and mum had the inconvenience of the delayed trip but that’s what the compensation for

I think the whole money should be kept between you and your mum. You were the two hugely inconvenienced by the delays. It made absolutely no difference to your sibling. I also think your sibling should have paid both of your tickets in the first place seeing as you were only going there for siblings benefit. They should be the one making the effort to come and visit their elderly parent and you saved them that effort.

You should split it with your mum, as the two of you were inconvenienced. Assuming your mum has capacity to make decisions you can't decide what she does with the money though. I think using it to 'treat' her is pretty unreasonable tbh.

It's a tricky one. If you give the sibling back the money for your mum's ticket, I definitely think you should deduct all the other costs you have incurred such as parking, petrol, meals etc etc otherwise you endure the hassle of the delays and travelling with an elderly parent and end up worse off as a result.

The refund for the tickets goes back to the people who paid for the tickets, the compensation is split between the people that travelled and were inconvenienced.

I'm appalled that until this thread it didn't occur to you that some of the compensation should go to your Mum!

Isn't the refund part of the compensation though? People keep saying split the compensation but it's not normally much?

You and your mum were inconvenienced. Your sibling got what they paid for. They sound the sort that wouldn't care your mum went through all of that if it meant getting money back.

suggest to sibling you want to use it to do something nice for your mum.

If I were your sibling I would be very grateful for all you do and would want you to keep it especially as I was unaffected by it at all.

I'm always baffled by how cold some people come across on here. They paid, their money. No thought for how hard it was on you and your mum.

I would give some of the compensation/refund to your mother, what she does with it is up to her. You should keep the rest as compensation for all the hassle, discomfort and additional costs you incurred.
I know the nightmare involved in trying to get anything out of travel companies, for them to compensate the cost of the flight too, it must have been an horrendous experience. It doesn't happen easily, it usually involves several communications and frustration

I definitely think your sister should be refunded the cost of the ticket she paid for. That to my mind is right and logical. She paid for something that turned out to be deficient and was refunded. You do not have, in my view, any moral or legal grounds to keep that money.

I think your mum’s compensation should go to her. That, again seems right. Your mum was inconvenienced as well as you. And it was her birthday gift.

You keep your refund and compensation.

Or alternatively your mum gets all the money as it was her birthday present and as it stands you have not only not had to pay for the flights you have made a financial profit on them. I’m really surprised more people have not voted YABU. And yes, I do know what it’s like to travel with elderly relatives. You did a good thing. But your stance now seems grabby.

How does the sibling even know about the refund? Did you over-share?

This is a very rare case where I say keep it! I can't believe your sibling didn't pay for both flights considering they wanted you to go. Keep it!