AIBU to keep the compensation money

[Pink39tree]

Sibling lives far overseas, is on a very high paying job and because of this can rarely visit home. Has been begging for me to bring our elderly mother out to visit. We agreed together as her joint birthday present I will travel with her over to the country they are at.

Initially sibling was expecting me to pay for my full plane ticket (very expensive tickets) and half of mums, which I was refusing to do. I was under the impression that I was to pay half of the travel costs of getting mum out there and that included my share of the costs. (I would never of visited if it wasn’t for mum) this meant sibling kept saying they had paid for the full present which was annoying. (I also paid for petrol to the airport, airport parking, mums food/drinks etc which all adds up)

on the way back the flight was delayed by a ridiculous amount of time, it was so badly handled by the airline and we were left stranded. My mum is elderly which meant this delays were a nightmare/stressful to cope with but I made sure she had everything she needed even if I was running around like a headless chicken. It was a long flight and so we also missed out transit which added to the stress as it meant I had to sort out replacements all on my own. Was the worst travel experience I ever had Sibling was not picking up any calls at the time and only sent a text after saying “what a nightmare glad it’s sorted now”

the airline refunded us the cost of both tickets and some compensation on top. (I had to chase repeatedly for this) I’ve kept the money for both tickets despite only paying for my own. Sibling has demanded i repay them for the cost of mums tickets, am I AIBU to keep the money as I feel we only got it for having to endure the suffering of being so badly delayed and sibling didn’t go through that nor did they support.

YANBU. The only reason you received a payment from the airline was because of the disruption you and your mum suffered, the fact that part of that sum equates to the cost of the tickets does not alter that. Your sibling did not suffer any disruption so is not entitled to any part of the payment you received.

Oh Lord, I’ve got my stupid head on haven’t I? Completely missed that this was on the return journey. Nothing for greedy sibling, they got their visit as paid for. You keep the refund because it was you who had the inconvenience.

Sibling can come over and collect DM next time.

Your mum should get the compensation. She had to endure it too.
i personally would refund my sisters flight money but keep the compensation.
youre being greedy

Your mum's ticket was her birthday present. Had it been a book she did not want to read, would your sibling expect your DM to return the book to the shop and refund the money back to them?

As your mum's carer on the delayed flight, do a list of everything spent for you both and offset it against your mum's ticket. Advise your sibling, you will be giving the remaining portion lto your mum for all the hassle and that she should deal with mum.

I think like has been said you should give half to your mum. She could prefer the money rather than being treated by you. If she chooses to give it to your sister then so what, that shouldn't be a reason not to give her share.

Did you use up your annual leave for going there?

Sibling can come over and collect DM next time.

This is a good idea to suggest actually. The golden sibling. He’d have to return her too though.

This is what I'd do too.

it doesn’t matter how much someone earns, just because they earn more than you it doesn’t give you the right to keep the money for the ticket.
compensation should be split between the travellers.

What does he think he endured that requires compensation. Cheeky fecker. Tell him he’s a parasite on other peoples pain. Use your mums half to take her out somewhere nice locally or pay one of her bills perhaps. Be aware sibling will very probably demand it off her if she has it directly. God some people are the limit aren’t they!

You are right to keep the compensation. DB sounds a right miserable tight arse

Of course you’re being unreasonable. You were refunded the tickets AND compensation. Keep the compensation and give him the money for plane ticket.
when you were out there did your bro do ferrying around? House you? Feed you? etc.

This

Give your sibling back what they paid for the ticket and then split the compensation between you and your mum (you are the ones who had the inconvenience).

It sounds like the fairest thing to do in this situation is refund what your sibling paid for your mums ticket, minus half the expenses you incurred from taking her out there, and you keep the compensation and split with your mum because it was you that had all the stress and hassle, not your sibling.

I agree with you. Airlines - and other similar organisations - have to set a scale of compensation when something goes wrong and travellers are inconvenienced to an extend that they need to be compensated. It is still compensation and as such belongs to those who suffered. The visit took place, so the sibling saw his mother on the visit abroad, and suffered nothing. He is not entitled to compensation. The fact that the airline bases it's amount of compensation on ticket costs does not mean a refund for the sibling who paid.

I would give mum’s ticket refund and half the compensation to mum, and she can decide what to do with it.

I would tell sibling you’ve given it to mum as it was her journey that was a nightmare , and he can take it up with your mum if he’s that desperate for the money back.

If he gets the ticket refund directly from you, then he’s had the benefit of a visit from his mother accompanied by you acting as a 24 hour carer, at zero cost to himself , and zero impact from the horrendous journey.

@Pink39tree I think, that had you kept it quiet and not told your sibling, it would have been fine. But, for some reason, you told her. To be fair, take out what was spent on food and drink and anything else during the delay, and then give the remainder of the ticket cost to your Mom. You keep your cost and any comp. What your Mom does with her money is on her. If she gives it to your sibling, oh well.

If your Mom treats your sib like a "golden child", you have the right to not be her "do it all for mom" child. Have some boundaries and don't feel guilty about them.

Changed my vote to YANBU because it's true, your sister did get what she'd paid for.

I feel it's up to your mum what she does with the refund for her ticket, though.
With the additional compensation: I think you've earned that!

Sibling got everything they paid for.

Were not inconvenienced at all.

Should not get a cent.

OP, next time invoice them for half of your time as a 24/7 carer.

Voted YABU but actually have changed my mind. Not sure if it’s possible to change the vote? Edit - think I have done it.

YANBU.

Airline have compensated to the VALUE of the tickets, plus a token gesture extra. They have NOT “refunded the tickets” as the travel still happened.
Sib got what they paid for - mum chaperoned over for a visit.
You, and mum, had a horrendous travel experience which used up your time, energy and money.
I think from the total value of the compensation you should deduct any costs you incurred (airport parking, food etc) which sib should also have split with you as it also was part of the cost of the trip.
Whatever is left, should be split with mum. Minus perhaps a little extra for your suffering over and above mum’s (for the hassle and organising element)
Mum should absolutely get a portion, but not golden child sib who did nothing to support you or make the trip easier. Mum’s plane ticket was the bare minimum they should have paid for.
Definitely shouldn’t have told them (or mum) you’d had the tickets refunded.

If you were my sibling and doing the bulk of caring and brought my elderly mother to visit me on my insistence (and all that entailed) it wouldn’t occur to me to ask for the money back, especially if you were buying all the food etc when you stayed (which I wouldn’t have allowed anyway).

I am very grateful to siblings on both sides of our family who have taken over the bulk of the caring for aging parents.

Three parts to this:-
The flight ticket refunds could be shared between you and your sibling based on the proportion agreed upon when you bought them or they might agree to you having a larger share because you had the extra expense of airport parking costs/fuel/meals and chaperone duties for your Mum?
Any refunds for tickets/travel arrangements, food you paid for due to delays would belong to you.
Additional compensation is for the inconvenienced passengers so should be shared between you and your mum as your sister was not inconvenienced.

Literally nothing changed for your sister. She got what she paid for so she shouldn't get anything. Why should she benefit from you having a hard time.
You went thorugh the ordeal of the delay so you get the compensation. If your mum was also affected then she gets some too. But your mum may have had to wait around but she didn't have to arrange anything or pay for anything during the delays and was still waited on hand and foot. The person mostly affected was you.

Rephrase it. They haven't refunded the tickets, they've compensated to the value of the tickets and then some. The compensation isn't for the cost of the tickets, they still got you to your destination, the ticket is used. The compensation is purely for the ordeal they put you through.