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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to keep the compensation money

144 replies

Pink39tree · 20/07/2024 21:00

Sibling lives far overseas, is on a very high paying job and because of this can rarely visit home. Has been begging for me to bring our elderly mother out to visit. We agreed together as her joint birthday present I will travel with her over to the country they are at.

Initially sibling was expecting me to pay for my full plane ticket (very expensive tickets) and half of mums, which I was refusing to do. I was under the impression that I was to pay half of the travel costs of getting mum out there and that included my share of the costs. (I would never of visited if it wasn’t for mum) this meant sibling kept saying they had paid for the full present which was annoying. (I also paid for petrol to the airport, airport parking, mums food/drinks etc which all adds up)

on the way back the flight was delayed by a ridiculous amount of time, it was so badly handled by the airline and we were left stranded. My mum is elderly which meant this delays were a nightmare/stressful to cope with but I made sure she had everything she needed even if I was running around like a headless chicken. It was a long flight and so we also missed out transit which added to the stress as it meant I had to sort out replacements all on my own. Was the worst travel experience I ever had Sibling was not picking up any calls at the time and only sent a text after saying “what a nightmare glad it’s sorted now”

the airline refunded us the cost of both tickets and some compensation on top. (I had to chase repeatedly for this) I’ve kept the money for both tickets despite only paying for my own. Sibling has demanded i repay them for the cost of mums tickets, am I AIBU to keep the money as I feel we only got it for having to endure the suffering of being so badly delayed and sibling didn’t go through that nor did they support.

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 21/07/2024 08:10

Your mum has nothing to do with it as she didn't pay anything

No. The mother has been given money as compensation for the poor experience. Of course it has something do with her and of course the OP should pass it on to her!

TheHuntSyndicate · 21/07/2024 08:12

Sister gets nothing.

Compensation is for the discomfort endured. Both you and your mother get the money.

Your mother can decide if she wants to give your sister any money or not to go towards the cost of the ticket.

rookiemere · 21/07/2024 08:17

I would say to her that you will put all of the money in a pot to pay for both you and your DMs flights and expenses to visit Dsis again.

I can't believe she made you pay for your own flight when a) your DM couldn't have travelled without you and b) you were only accompanying her and wouldn't have wanted to come on your own.

WGACA · 21/07/2024 08:26

Codlingmoths · 21/07/2024 06:41

I would give the sibling the gift of reassurance this will never happen again as if they want to see your mum again that’s on them, they can come over themselves, and I guess mum will never visit them again unless they go over and take her back with them. I would keep the money and never do that again.

Me too!

Isthisreasonable · 21/07/2024 08:32

Tell your brother that 50% of the refund for the nightmare journey will be spent on things that make DM's life easier that obviously he would have wanted to have done for her had he not moved away.

BettyBardMacDonald · 21/07/2024 08:33

Keep the money.

But how did sister come to know about the refund and compensation? Don't tell her about things you don't want her input on.

SnappyCroc · 21/07/2024 10:14

The word 'refund' is confusing here. It's not a refund because the service wasn't provided. It's a refund because the service wasn't up to scratch. That didn't affect the sibling at all, just OP and her mum.

Doubledenim305 · 21/07/2024 17:31

Refund the sibling every penny of what she paid. Keep the rest. Or split the compensation bit with Ur mum.

kimthomasandaimee · 21/07/2024 17:37

If it was me, honestly I would keep all of it. You went through all the stress and did the claim.

hcee19 · 21/07/2024 17:43

Keep the compensation....You had to put up with all the hassle of looking after your parent. You had to get the luggage off the carousel, which isn't always easy...You probably had to escort her to the ladies bathroom etc, it can be very challenging travelling with an older person...l imagine you were mentally drained by the time you got home...Your mother couldn't have visited without you chaperoning her...a carer would have cost your sibling alot more...Therefore you should have it all.

BettyBardMacDonald · 21/07/2024 17:44

Doubledenim305 · 21/07/2024 17:31

Refund the sibling every penny of what she paid. Keep the rest. Or split the compensation bit with Ur mum.

The sister got what she paid for: the visit.

With OP shouldering all the work and hassle.

Luckyducky10 · 21/07/2024 17:45

I would give him your mums flight money back as he paid but the rest of the money I would keep

algreaves1987 · 21/07/2024 17:50

Refund the ticket you sibling PAID for. Sorry but that's just greedy.
Keep the rest.

HotelCustody · 21/07/2024 17:50

Where did you stay when visiting, was it at yours siblings house, did they cover food etc. Agree with keeping the compo but refund the ticket money.

Doubledenim305 · 21/07/2024 17:57

BettyBardMacDonald · 21/07/2024 17:44

The sister got what she paid for: the visit.

With OP shouldering all the work and hassle.

Show quote history

Yes shouldering all the work is just part of being in a family at times. The sibling wants the money back so technically they should get it.
If the OP didn't want to do the work , she shouldn't have agreed to take her. Nobody forced her. It would be nice if the sibling said keep the money as a thanks for helping bring mum over.but they haven't. Just learn the lesson...don't help sibling out in future.

YourWildAmberSloth · 21/07/2024 18:06

Sibling should get the refund for the ticket that he paid for. Compensation should be split between you and your mum.

llizzie · 21/07/2024 18:19

Pink39tree · 20/07/2024 21:00

Sibling lives far overseas, is on a very high paying job and because of this can rarely visit home. Has been begging for me to bring our elderly mother out to visit. We agreed together as her joint birthday present I will travel with her over to the country they are at.

Initially sibling was expecting me to pay for my full plane ticket (very expensive tickets) and half of mums, which I was refusing to do. I was under the impression that I was to pay half of the travel costs of getting mum out there and that included my share of the costs. (I would never of visited if it wasn’t for mum) this meant sibling kept saying they had paid for the full present which was annoying. (I also paid for petrol to the airport, airport parking, mums food/drinks etc which all adds up)

on the way back the flight was delayed by a ridiculous amount of time, it was so badly handled by the airline and we were left stranded. My mum is elderly which meant this delays were a nightmare/stressful to cope with but I made sure she had everything she needed even if I was running around like a headless chicken. It was a long flight and so we also missed out transit which added to the stress as it meant I had to sort out replacements all on my own. Was the worst travel experience I ever had Sibling was not picking up any calls at the time and only sent a text after saying “what a nightmare glad it’s sorted now”

the airline refunded us the cost of both tickets and some compensation on top. (I had to chase repeatedly for this) I’ve kept the money for both tickets despite only paying for my own. Sibling has demanded i repay them for the cost of mums tickets, am I AIBU to keep the money as I feel we only got it for having to endure the suffering of being so badly delayed and sibling didn’t go through that nor did they support.

If your mother and you suffered to the extent that the airline made compensation to you, then that is your compensation, whoever paid for the original tickets.

Your sibling didn't suffer, you both did. The compensation is for suffering and inconvenience. It was given by way of refunding tickets as a 'yardstick' if you will, so that there can be no further claim on the airline. That 'yardstick' is a way of reflecting your inconvenience and suffering. As your sibling did not suffer, the compensation is yours.

Lavenderblue11 · 21/07/2024 18:24

FuzzyStripes · 20/07/2024 21:08

Your mum should have the compensation as it’s a payout for the inconvenience that she suffered, not the cost of the flight.

OP was also inconvenienced, plus she had the hassle of sorting everything out, on top of the stress
She deserves the compo, her mother didn't pay for anything.

PaleSunshineOfHope · 21/07/2024 18:34

The refund is effectively part of the compensation. Compensation is for the person/s who travelled and were subject to inconvenience, not for the person who bought the ticket. It should be shared equally between you and your mum-unless she declines her share on the basis that you were doing most of the suffering.

unsync · 21/07/2024 18:35

Ticket refund to whoever paid for the tickets and compensation split between you and your mother.

Willsean · 21/07/2024 18:36

The sibling already got what they paid for and should have split all travel costs without acting like they'd paid for the mum's gift. The carer flight should have been included in the value of the gift one way or the other.

The compensation happens to include the price of the flight, but is for those who endured the inconvenience getting home.

Physically, and in terms of travel time, that's OP and her mother. Financially, and with the additional challenge of responsibility for an elderly parent and dealing with the airline's processes afterwards, that's OP.

Likewhatever · 21/07/2024 18:45

I would return the cost of the ticket minus any additional costs, taxi, food, drinks, any extras you had to pay for to make the journey comfortable for you and your mother. Your contribution is your physical presence as chaperone. Sibling wanted the trip so should pay for what it cost. I think that would be generous of you.

WildfirePonie · 21/07/2024 18:47

Does your sibling have golden balls?

caringcarer · 21/07/2024 18:49

Mickey79 · 20/07/2024 21:11

Id have said sibling gets cost of mums ticket back, you get yours back and then the compensation is split between you and your mum.

This is my view too. In the end their was no cost of tickets so siblings should get half of ticket prices back and so should you. Compensation should be shared between you and you Mum who had all the discomfort and frustration of the delays. You shouldn't be expecting to keep the lot to yourself. That would be really selfish.

caringcarer · 21/07/2024 18:54

Pink39tree · 20/07/2024 23:05

@autienotnaughti i paid for my full flight. My sibling paid for my mums. (They wanted me to pay for my own full flights and half of the cost of my mums originally)

Yes you stated that in your opening message. However in the end their was no cost for tickets as it got refund hence you should keep the cost of your ticket and refund your sister who paid for your Mum's ticket. You could deduct anything extra you had to pay for your Mum's food out of compensation and keep the rest of compensation. In future insist your sister visits your Mum.