Husband refusing to give me money

[Rockyrockrock]

Hi everyone.

So my husband and I have been having some trouble getting along lately. He's been angry and threatened to divorce me. I thought we were working through it though.

I am a stay at home mum and since I left work I've had his bank card and have always just used it as needed. He was fine with this. I get child benefit paid into my own account aswell but we don't have a joint account.

Last month he said he was going to start saving (we do need to buy various things-some big items and furniture ect)

He told me he'd transfer me an amount and then save the rest at the end of the month. Said if I ran out I could ask.

I hated this..not because I'm a massive spender but I always worked and had my own income until I had the kids and having to ask for money and be put on a budget made me feel like a child.

Anyway..it's now the 20th and I have £30 left...of my overdraft. I've done several food shops, several petrol top ups, kids activities, kids new clothes. Nothing for me, just normal every day kid things.

I told him I need more. He said no.

What am I going to do? He shrugs and says shouldn't have spent it all. He needs to save. He doesn't have any money left.

I don't believe him for a second that he's ran out.

How have I been using his card for these kinds of purchases for years and we've never run out before?

We can't save if we don't have the money..or we need to save less.

I said what about your kids. He says there's food in the house, you can go out to the park, you don't have to pay to do things.

I mean..okay I could sit in not do anything but I mean it's summer holidays, I've got two kids to entertain, I've also got a phone bill to pay for, nappies to buy ect ect. And don't control my money? It's meant to be ours together, not his to decide what to do with

We argued about this and he said "well I'm done. We're not together now so I don't have to give you anything"
I don't even know what he's so angry about today and why he's doing this.

What the fuck
He's saying it's my fault for not being careful enough with my budget but that's just how much things are...it's always the same.
Maybe I did spend too much, I could have not taken the kids on the day to the farm/to the cafe ect but even so..to take the card and tell me i can't have any more money??

Her DH has cut up her card would she be able to survive on £150 a month with 2 children? He has complete control over his money and he even wants another child with the op. He doesn't want her to work.

I know all about the olive oil situation I'm Italian lol

Are you reading the op posts?

My DH wants lots of things, doesn't mean he gets them.

No he wanted me to stay home at least until they went to school.
He also wanted another baby but obviously that's out the window currently because of all this nonsense

Then she needs to leave, not waste time arguing on here about it.

I think you lack the ability to understand what the OP says.

A 'smart' reposte doesn't do you any favours.

You're not reading are you. You have no argument.

I'm really not going to spend my Sunday arguing with randomers on the internet, lol.

You knock yourself out though if it makes you happy.

How's your day been so far?

But you are, clearly.😂

Wow - some of thd replies on this thread are shocking. What is wrong with some women?

OP - you are 100% right. Of course it’s not ok for him to deny you money. Who made him god? Of course it’s not remotely acceptable for him to give you allowances ffs! You are the mother of his children and that is what you’re doing and you’re doing right now. You are doing it on next to nothing as it is. Can’t believe people on here are berating you for going to a kids farm and a cafe? MN is a joke sometimes, it really is,

Clearly, he is financially abusing you. Is something going in for him - any ideas? He sounds like he’s gone mad.

Also, this default threat that you are ‘not together now anyway’ whenever you have an argument is abuse.

HE IS FINANCIALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE - let nobody doubt that!

All this wittering from people on here about how much did you spend, and get a job and oooh a new wardrobe for your daughter when you just spent £80 on her, poor thing.

It’s not about amounts of money. It’s the principle and the fact he is not treating you as his equal partner. It is DISGUSTING. How dare he?

What an absolute wanker, seriously. There can be no coming back for him from this. If I were you, I would despise him. No way can any woman respect such a ‘man’ as this.

Are you in a position to leave him? You can’t carry on with someone like this. He will get worse, they always do. You would be better off alone.

I think small details like this don’t matter for most on this site.
Hilarious and insightful how MNetters posted ‘the chant’ before this rather obvious question was asked. 😂😂😂😂

I think the women who are on 'his side' are clearly in similar circumstances and are deflecting their own situation by piling on the OP with 'budgeting advice'.

Or they set the bar incredibly low for what's acceptable in a relationship.

It’s truly depressing how low some women set the bar for men.

Either that, or they’re just on a wind up.

I have to be totally honest, I would be too if working with a total household income of £2100 per month. It is not a large amount for a family of four and op has spent over £700 in three weeks, when she is on a budget. So how much was being spent when just using the card as and when? Have spending habits really never been discussed at all in the last 8 years?

I know how much it costs thanks DD2 has a 15 year old and a 2 year old. Not a dig at all.

I know damn well if it was DDs husband not working she'd be keeping a tight rein on the family budget

I wouldn't get in a similar situation ever... I'm looking at facts spending 750 in 3 weeks on food, petrol nappies and a the £80 clothes isn't feasible on he's wages. So yes a budget is needed because let's say she spend £80 on clothes £20 at the farm/cafe and even £50 on petrol ⛽️ where's the other other £600? If that's at the supermarket then yes that needs addressing.

£2100 would be a decent income for a single person a family of 4 need a budget 100%

Definitely worth getting back into work now OP. When my kids were babies and in nursery 4 days/week I also thought ‘what’s the point?’. I earned £19k a year 11 years ago when my eldest was born. Anyway I finally started “trying” in my career age 29 - going for interviews, studying etc. Now I realise how worth it it was as earn well into 6 figures now which has dramatically improved our lifestyle.

My pride could not take relying on anyone for money, whether they’d “agreed” to it or not, personally.

How does that help the op with her husband. He cut up her card because he doesn't want to give more money but he has bought himself a £70 ring and clothes for himself and gone out with the lads for food and drinks. Is it because he's the only one working so he should buy and do what he wants?

Ok so the OP has a couple of choices. Get a job, leave him and claim benefits and CMS or spend less than than she has been doing.

It seems that husband often throws hissy fits and threatens divorce. He may possibly get another bank card for her to use or transfer money into her account. No way is it saying she will have no access to money ever

Marriage should be teamwork. If you're not working as a team, you don't have a marriage. That's what needs to be addressed here.

He cut up his own bank card not hers.

@Gogogo12345 - Are you seriously suggesting she should stay with a man who has cut up her bank card (yes it’s is hers because they are married and that’s where the family money is). They have children ffs. She is their mother, looking after them.

Do you think it’s normal for any husband to threaten separation every time there is a disagreement?

What happened to you in life that you would think this is in any way acceptable?