Husband refusing to give me money

[Rockyrockrock]

Hi everyone.

So my husband and I have been having some trouble getting along lately. He's been angry and threatened to divorce me. I thought we were working through it though.

I am a stay at home mum and since I left work I've had his bank card and have always just used it as needed. He was fine with this. I get child benefit paid into my own account aswell but we don't have a joint account.

Last month he said he was going to start saving (we do need to buy various things-some big items and furniture ect)

He told me he'd transfer me an amount and then save the rest at the end of the month. Said if I ran out I could ask.

I hated this..not because I'm a massive spender but I always worked and had my own income until I had the kids and having to ask for money and be put on a budget made me feel like a child.

Anyway..it's now the 20th and I have £30 left...of my overdraft. I've done several food shops, several petrol top ups, kids activities, kids new clothes. Nothing for me, just normal every day kid things.

I told him I need more. He said no.

What am I going to do? He shrugs and says shouldn't have spent it all. He needs to save. He doesn't have any money left.

I don't believe him for a second that he's ran out.

How have I been using his card for these kinds of purchases for years and we've never run out before?

We can't save if we don't have the money..or we need to save less.

I said what about your kids. He says there's food in the house, you can go out to the park, you don't have to pay to do things.

I mean..okay I could sit in not do anything but I mean it's summer holidays, I've got two kids to entertain, I've also got a phone bill to pay for, nappies to buy ect ect. And don't control my money? It's meant to be ours together, not his to decide what to do with

We argued about this and he said "well I'm done. We're not together now so I don't have to give you anything"
I don't even know what he's so angry about today and why he's doing this.

What the fuck
He's saying it's my fault for not being careful enough with my budget but that's just how much things are...it's always the same.
Maybe I did spend too much, I could have not taken the kids on the day to the farm/to the cafe ect but even so..to take the card and tell me i can't have any more money??

If they can't afford it and he's trying to save then why is he spending money on a night out with friends to eat and have drinks, clothes for himself and a £70 ring. If they are on a tight budget why is he allowed to spend it as he wishes.

Why couldn't they get a baby sitter and they go out one evening for food and drinks. Is it because he didn't want to he rather go out with his mates.

Oh dear.

£750 after bills plus whatever unspecified amount she's gone into her overdraft in 3 weeks - let's stop pretending the issue is £8.

Indeed. Again. 🤢

Agreed.

I came here a few months ago with the same problem. I wanted to work but DH kept discouraging me fron going to work but didn't listen to him. I found a job and rely on breakfast club and after school club to work. Please get a job if you can.It might be stressful but you will have your own money and will get help with childcare as well.

£20 since when like I've never spent money on clothes in Sainsbury's or Tesco's.

It’s not, but if money is such an issue for them as a family, how come the husband can be frivolous? If they have financial issues, then he shouldn’t be wasting money either.

Then why have you repeatedly banged on about it?! And don’t say you haven’t, you have done repeatedly

It's dysfunctional on both sides. They need to sit down together, agree a a budget that includes saving, and both stick to it.

I don't think I'm going to get an answer.

Not sure if OP is near Sainsburys but they seem quite reasonable.
https://tuclothing.sainsburys.co.uk/browse/kids/girls/multipacks/c:840400/?tag=tu:browse:plp:girls-shop-all:m052:multipacks

The money tree will have grown more branches by then?

I think the issue here isn't the quantity of money OP has been given, more the way it's been given.

It is manageable.

You seem confused on what I just agreed with. 😬

Have you bought clothes from Sainsbury's because I have and it's never come to £20. Its a ridiculous number to throw out.

They only can’t afford it now because almost £900 has already been spend on food, petrol for OP (not commuting) kids clothes and activities in 3 weeks!

The issue has never been one trip to the farm or a couple of lattes.

I've gonna say this is nearly double of what we originally thought had she still of had the card it would of past £1000

No, I don’t. You have agreed that it’s not about the £8, but you have gone one and on about the OP going to a cafe when she should have been buying nappies. You have repeatedly gone on about how she has spent her money, so don’t backtrack now and say it’s not about that.

It's gone from £750 to £900 you want it to sound bigger and he gets treats for himself and gets to go out with his mates. How old is he?

I got DS stuff in there as a child but we don't live near one so I don't use it these days - the prices look reasonable though.

£780 was OPs spending but she has clarified at the start of the month the DH did a £100 food shop and out £50 in the car. So yes over £900 on food and day to day spending, not bills.

The operative word is look but when it all adds up because you're not only going to buy a couple of dresses for £10 or tops for £6.50. All I am saying is £20 only is a stupid figure to say to anyone.

FGS will you all stop bickering about the cost of things and look at the real issue, which is control and his behaviour?

It's coercive control op.

It's 500 from him plus over 100 from child benefit (not sure the actual 2 child figure). He also paid for a 100 shop and 50 fuel, instead of that coming from the original 500 he gave OP to cover things like food, fuel etc.
He also pays the 148 playgroup cost.