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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave partner over this?

147 replies

chelseaflower008 · 20/07/2024 19:32

Basically my "partner" has a sleep condition where he will just fall asleep, he refuses to go to the doctors for a formal diagnosis as he believe he won't be able to work/drive.

I do 90% of our child's care but partner does give me money every month.

Lately I have been feeling so exhausted with my son teething etc and I have asked him to go to the doctors as I am really struggling doing everything.

Instead he books a holiday for three days with his cousin and he came back on Friday and he promised me that he would look after our son today all day, but his cousin has called him and he has gone to meet him.

I cried that I need more help and to put me and our son first.
He wasn't interested.

When I talk about moving closer to family as I can't cope and very close to being pre diabetic (has GD in pregnancy) he says "I am taking his son away from him."

I really don't know what to do.
I really feel like just going to my parents.

He just refuses to help me and I am really struggling

OP posts:
Ayeyourebeingadick · 20/07/2024 19:33

Is he still out? Pack a bag and go now, this isn’t going to get better.

bluebee17 · 20/07/2024 19:34

Leave him nothing more to be said.

SuncreamAndIceCream · 20/07/2024 19:34

Ayeyourebeingadick · 20/07/2024 19:33

Is he still out? Pack a bag and go now, this isn’t going to get better.

As usual, the first response nails it

Mrsttcno1 · 20/07/2024 19:35

How far away is your family OP? Could you reasonably get to them for a break, even if just for a few days?

As a side note he really should not be driving if he genuinely does just fall asleep randomly, and equally I wouldn’t be at all comfortable with him taking care of my child on his own ever if that is the case as there’s just too much potential risk there. He needs to go to the doctors to try and get some help for that because as it is he isn’t physically capable of looking after your child all day on his own even if he wanted to.

Dillydollydingdong · 20/07/2024 19:37

Tell him this is a problem and if he doesn't man up, you'll speak to his mother. And do it. I would.

Eeeden · 20/07/2024 19:37

You don't need a to reason to leave a relationship. If it isn't working for you and you don't want to be in it you can leave. You need no more reason than that. Life is short. If he is prioritizing hanging out with his cousin over helping you and your son it would be harder to come up with a reason to stay.

Original poster
chelseaflower008 · 20/07/2024 19:37

I never do leave him alone and that is why I am partly so exhausted.

He could do the washing, wash bottles but he doesn't even do that.
I have cried and begged him so many times I just don't know what to do.

If I say I'm going to my parents he says I'm taking his son away from him

OP posts:
Abigaillovesholidays · 20/07/2024 19:38

Ayeyourebeingadick · 20/07/2024 19:33

Is he still out? Pack a bag and go now, this isn’t going to get better.

Yep, this.
Easier said than done but def work towards it, if not immediately ready to.

Sunnydiary · 20/07/2024 19:38

I would very quietly pack a bag and leave next time he’s out at work or for a substantial time. Can you leave tonight?

He doesn’t give a shit about you.

Hankunamatata · 20/07/2024 19:38

Yeah he isn't adding to your life. Hope you aren't letting him drive if you are in the car. If he has narcolepsy it could be very dangerous. Surely he work has noticed this falling asleep

skibiditoilet · 20/07/2024 19:41

He’s saying that to keep you there as his house maid. Go. If he can’t be bothered with his child now. He won’t be once you are gone.

SantasRubiksCube · 20/07/2024 19:42

He moans that you would be 'taking his son away' from him, but it doesn't sound like he gives two hoots about his son! Forget what he wants and put yourself and your son first, from what you've said he doesn't care about you or your feelings and he's not going to change. I'd get myself back to my family for some real support and never look back. I'd also report him, he randomly falls asleep but won't seek medical help? What if he kills someone while driving?! He's a selfish man child and you'd be better off away from him.

Soubriquet · 20/07/2024 19:43

How is working if he randomly falls asleep?

2Old2Tango · 20/07/2024 19:45

You're not taking his son away, he's forcing you to relocate nearer to family help due to his inability to prioritise you and failure to seek medical help for his condition.

How far away would you be moving OP?

PosingPosture20 · 20/07/2024 19:45

Leave him.

And report him to the DVLA before he kills someone.

TheCultureHusks · 20/07/2024 19:45

‘Yes, I am taking my son away from a father who cares so little about him that he’s willing to see his other parent literally crack with the stress. If I don’t take him, YOUR PRECIOUS SON is quite likely to end up in a crisis situation along with me. You’re welcome to prevent your son having to move further away to be cared for properly, it’s actually super easy, all you have to do is step up and parent. You don’t want to, because you’re lazy, selfish and don’t care enough.’

BowlOfNoodles · 20/07/2024 19:46

Narcolepsy? If so that's a debilitating illness my grandmother had it.

Wontletmeusemynormalname · 20/07/2024 19:48

Does he manage to work and not fall asleep? Does he manage to go to the pub and not fall asleep? If these answers are yes, he's taken you for a mug.

Taking his son away.....he doesn't parent him anyway so what's the issue.

Greatmate · 20/07/2024 19:49

You are exhausted and you need a break. You are the only person caring for your child so you can't afford to have a mental health crisis. You need to prioritise your wellbeing so you are fit to care for your child. I think you should absolutely go to stay with your parents. I think you should also consider moving closer to them. Ultimately, his failings as a partner and father have caused this issue. He needs to take responsibility for his behaviour.

MonsteraMama · 20/07/2024 19:49

Dillydollydingdong · 20/07/2024 19:37

Tell him this is a problem and if he doesn't man up, you'll speak to his mother. And do it. I would.

Really? Tell on him to his mummy?

My impression is that that OP is not a highschool student, so she shouldn't have to threaten her presumably grown partner with a telling off from mother. Nor can I think of a single woman who'd want to stay in a relationship where their mother in law was required to mediate all disagreements.

OP, as per usual first response nailed it. Pack a bag and go to whoever you can go to who will give you the help and support your partner has dismally failed to provide.

Olika · 20/07/2024 19:51

Just tell him either he starts parenting and sharing the workload or you have no other option than go to your parents so they can help you as he is failing.

XChrome · 20/07/2024 19:54

You can leave a relationship for any reason you like. In this case you gave more than enough proof that he is fundamentally selfish and uncaring. Don't listen to his manipulations about the child. If he really wanted to be with the child that much, he'd do more child care.

BowlOfNoodles · 20/07/2024 19:54

If it's narcolepsy it's not curable but he'll need medication, he's not lazy not at all they can sleep during dinner/food shop it's fair enough that you want more help and can't cope but it's not deliberate

ilovelamp82 · 20/07/2024 19:54

Go now. So what if you are taking your son away from him? He doesn't actually care does he? Don't doubt yourself. Get away from the situation, go to your parents, get some help, get some sleep and kick him out permanently once you have a clear head.

It won't get better. Don't listen to his words, look at his actions.

AtrociousCircumstance · 20/07/2024 19:55

He’s a dick. Go to your folks.

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