To leave partner over this?

[chelseaflower008]

Basically my "partner" has a sleep condition where he will just fall asleep, he refuses to go to the doctors for a formal diagnosis as he believe he won't be able to work/drive.

I do 90% of our child's care but partner does give me money every month.

Lately I have been feeling so exhausted with my son teething etc and I have asked him to go to the doctors as I am really struggling doing everything.

Instead he books a holiday for three days with his cousin and he came back on Friday and he promised me that he would look after our son today all day, but his cousin has called him and he has gone to meet him.

I cried that I need more help and to put me and our son first.
He wasn't interested.

When I talk about moving closer to family as I can't cope and very close to being pre diabetic (has GD in pregnancy) he says "I am taking his son away from him."

I really don't know what to do.
I really feel like just going to my parents.

He just refuses to help me and I am really struggling

He has shown you what his priorities are and they are not you or your son. This situation will not change.

It's time to prioritise you.

He doesn't give a fuck about his son or he'd care about his son's mother.

He's shown you he's happy to be away from his son on his terms so don't start falling for the emotional blackmail. Call his bluff, go to your family for some support and don't go back until he grows up, takes his health seriously, starts pulling his weight and shows you some respect.

I would bother wasting any more effort arguing with him.

If you can pack a back and go now, then do it.

If not, then get some stuff together, either in a bag where he won't see it, or gathered together in the laundry basket so it looks like washing, but you know it's all clean, and then be ready to go the next time he leaves the house - or falls asleep.

If I say I'm going to my parents he says I'm taking his son away from him

@chelseaflower008

its manipulation to keep you running around after him.

Has he said he loves YOU & doesn't want to lose YOU (or just DS??)

If he cared that much he'd have gone to the DR AND he wouldn't make you promises then not follow through!!

Go to where you'll have support. If you would want him to, he could get a new job & move too. But I wouldn't be having that unless he gets himself sorted out first and stops prioritising other people.

But don't TELL him you are going to your parents. Just do it.

He is not really a partner, is he?
Go to your family. Get a claim in for financial support. Keep as far from him as you can

Fucking off for a 3 day holiday with his cousin while she is asking for help is deliberate. Going out while she's exhausted and begging for support is deliberate. Doing fuck all parenting and housework is deliberate. Having a medical, or bullshit pretend, issue that impacts your family and choosing not to see the GP to get medical help is deliberate. He's making a lot of deliberate choices that all demonstrate that @chelseaflower008 and his child are not his priority.

I'm just so broken.
I am so exhausted and he just text me that he needs to live life and will be back in the morning for the morning feed.

I don't even have a car seat as it's in his car.
Do taxis have baby seats?

I'm just thinking of going first thing in the morning.

I'm saying IF it's narcolepsy it also gets worse with age I lived with my nan and she wasn't willingly lazy she was devastated at her inability to do housework/look after me I practically brought myself up.

This!!

OP how many times have you allowed him to drive, or seen him drive, since you became aware of his illness? Even once means that you are aiding and abetting him to kill someone on the road. Please do your duty by him and the general public by reporting him to DVLA, and then tell him that you've done it. He won't like it, but if he choses to drive after that, then it's not your responsibility if he get's done for it.

@BowlOfNoodles I actually have narcolepsy and none of what you've said is factually correct.
Not everyone with N needs meds
Not everyone with N gets worse as they get older
N does not excuse these behaviours at all

I am a single parent, have been for most of my children's lives. Yes, they've sometimes had to help more than other children may have done but not to the level of bringing themselves up.
I also work, and drive SAFELY AND LEGALLY.
My boys are now both over 16.

Yes, life with N is harder, but does not mean it is okay for him to behave like this @chelseaflower008
Please feel free to message me if talking to someone who lives with N would help

Edited for typing errors, happens a lot what with being permanently sleep deprived!

I am going on my experience of living with somebody with narcolepsy and catoplexy! Good for you she was constantly struggling no muscle control either she'd just flop on the floor

He wants to do what he wants to do. This isn't about what he is capable of doing. This is about his priorities..

It would be more telling if he had a diagnosis he might be getting more empathy than deserved.

Unbelievable. Could someone collect you tonight?

But use this time to speak to your parents, and properly sort out what you need to take for both of you, and stash it out of sight, but near the door (or even outside if you have somewhere secure so he won't even see you taking it out. Or actually in your car boot?)

In all honesty I wouldn't care if he had a diagnosis. Lots of people have lots of debilitating illnesses and still manage to parent and be decent partners. He should be prioritising his child and his partner. Instead he's acting like a single person. He's being selfish.

Go to your parents. Don't let him dictate what you do, he doesn't care how he's making you feel.

He's not that tired to go off with his cousin for a weekend away tho Is he.

My husband has apnea and doesn't act like that just to add, took him a while but got help he needed.

I really think you should go tonight. How far is it in the taxi to your parents?

Another baby with a fucking shit useless father.

This!

Oh god, just leave him. He's the one who's decided not to spend any time with his own child.

What's the housing situation? Do you rent? Are you on the lease?

You legally don't need a car seat in a taxi or if it's an emergency journey, though it's always preferable to have one.

Thanks for the kind words and support.

He has got something, he believes he has sleep apnea or is aneamic but surely if he was anemic he would be seriously ill after all these years?

He will not go to the doctors as much as I have asked him too.

Out of nowhere he will just fall asleep and he would literally sleep all day if he could.
He even crashed his car once and his life was only spared because he was wearing a seatbelt.

I will not allow him to drive me or my son anywhere (we share the car) and I don't ever leave him unsupervised with our baby hence why I am so exhausted and tired.

I have just talked to my parents who think it will prob be best to go on Monday when he is at work and not say a thing.

That's Narcolepsy with Cataplexy then, very different to just N