To leave partner over this?

[chelseaflower008]

Basically my "partner" has a sleep condition where he will just fall asleep, he refuses to go to the doctors for a formal diagnosis as he believe he won't be able to work/drive.

I do 90% of our child's care but partner does give me money every month.

Lately I have been feeling so exhausted with my son teething etc and I have asked him to go to the doctors as I am really struggling doing everything.

Instead he books a holiday for three days with his cousin and he came back on Friday and he promised me that he would look after our son today all day, but his cousin has called him and he has gone to meet him.

I cried that I need more help and to put me and our son first.
He wasn't interested.

When I talk about moving closer to family as I can't cope and very close to being pre diabetic (has GD in pregnancy) he says "I am taking his son away from him."

I really don't know what to do.
I really feel like just going to my parents.

He just refuses to help me and I am really struggling

I saw someone crying her heart out at the bus stop. I offered a pack of tissue. I said if they wanted to talk, I could listen (they didn't). Our separate busses came and I never saw her again. My heart ached for her and I hoped things are getting better. I wished I could wave a magic wand to fix things.

That's how I felt about a stranger.

If my PARTNER was crying, and I could very easily fix it, but I just didn't feel like it, what would that tell you?

Please, please, raise your bar and leave him. It will only get worse.

You should report him to the DVLA yourself. He could kill someone.

Then leave him. What a useless specimen.

he refuses to go to the doctors for a formal diagnosis as he believe he won't be able to work/drive.

I would have left him as soon as this started happening.

If he falls asleep at the wheel he could kill someone.
This is no different to him driving drunk every day.

If he truly cared about you or his kids then he would get help.

You can do better than this.

@bluebee17 - 100% how I feel.
I am defo leaving.

It's a flat on rent through a Housing Association.

Because it is a first floor flat with no lift I was able apply to the HA where my parents live based on the local collection criteria and have been on the waiting list since March.

They live in a small town in the West Midlands and the waiting list for a 2 bed house is 7 months.
I was going to leave when I was offered a house but I really need my family around me and some support and can't stand living here with him for another 3 months.

I've no idea how old you are but unfortunately that can develop later. Interesting video I seen years back have you seen the link that doberman dogs have to narcolepsy? I watched a fascinating documentary on it.

@YellowPolkaDotBikini1980 100%

Definitely go to your parents on Monday.

You need help so you can rest. The flipping cheek of him stopping out all night after a three day holiday!!

I hope on Monday night you are having a nice hot bath and ignoring your phone. Look after yourself, because he clearly won't.

I think I'd be tempted to report him to the DVLA, he could very easily kill someone if he fell asleep while driving. Its actually terrifying that there are people like this driving around.

@Juliet194
It will be so nice to sleep, I haven't had a bath since my son was born.
I usually just have a quick shower.

It will be nice to be around kind and supportive family.

I am happy that I can leave knowing that I did try and talk to him but he couldn't care less.

@WorriedMama12
I didn't realise you could report someone until now and 1000% will be reporting him.

His condition is that he is a lazy useless prick.

Luckily there is a cure- bin him.

He maybe has nacrolepsy - its life long and he def cpuld kill someone if hes driving with it.

Sending you a massive hug in readiness for the leave. Good luck finding a new place xxx

I’m so glad you’re leaving. He sounds an utter cunt. You and your baby will be so much happier without him bringing you down.

And enjoy some rest at your parents!

That's what I was going to say, does he definitely have a condition or is he saying he does to control you and get you to do everything. If so he sounds like he has a very easy life.

You need to leave either way

Cataplexy can develop later, but its still very different to just narcolepsy and there has been no description of cataplexy symptoms from OP.
There are also two types of N, N1 is with cataplexy, N2 is without. It is very possible to have N2 which does not develop cataplexy. I do.
I have had N for 26 years already, there's not much I haven't studied about it!

How is he happy to risk the lives of other people? If his reason for not going is he thinks a DR will say he can't drive, then how is he happy driving around knowing he could potentially kill someone? Better to go and either know for sure and never drive, or be reassured.

@Whistledown1005
I just looked on the NHS website and he does have a few of the symptoms and he has been like this for years.

His mum even removed the locks from the bathroom when he lived at home as he once fell asleep in the bath and they had to break the door down.

I have even booked appointments with the GP on his behalf and he will either cancel or just down play the situation.
He is worried that if he has a medial condition he won't be able to work or drive.
Either way he needs to get a diagnosis as like a PP said he could kill an innocent person while driving.

I feel so sorry for you - your "partner" is a useless pile of crap and not a real partner at all. When you look at life and parenting, do you genuinely feel that you're in it together? It sounds like you're doing everything and he just pleases himself.

Please go to your parents, get some help and support. File for child maintenance immediately, as it's only backdated to the date you make the claim. If he's going to be useless in a practical sense, he can at least shoulder a tiny fraction of tele burden of child-rearing.

Make sure he doesn't get unsupervised access to your DC - do you have any messages discussing his condition? You may need these as evidence.

I can do both of those things, work and go to the pub, without falling asleep. I can't then do anything at home after, which is why I only work part time and I only plan a night out when I'm not needed by my teenagers that day or the next day.

Don't get me wrong, the OPs partner is an absolute 🔔end, but I do get a bit fed up of people seeming to suggest that I am making up a lifelong disability just because I can occasionally have a life!

@chelseaflower008 That sounds very much like Narcolepsy rather than sleep apnoea. I'm not allowed to have a bath as it isn't safe, my HA had to put in a shower for me and when I'm really bad I have to sit in it in case I drop off! Everything you describe with his symptoms is like you are describing me. I could go on a trip, or a night out, but would be useless at home before/after. Thats why I don't do it when I'm needed at home!
Whether he does have it or not though, that doesn't excuse anything. He is choosing not to prioritise you and your child, that has nothing to do with anything he may be going through and is entirely a choice. If I can bring up two children alone while living with it, he could do a lot more than he is!

@KvotheTheBloodless
I feel like I am a single parent to be honest.
I do everything.
I research everything as we are both first time parents. He is happy to leave me to it.
He even tells me I should never of got pregnant as I can't cope because I ask for help.

I have WhatsApp messages asking him to go to the doctors and how I will never leave him alone with our son and how it affects my quality of life.
He has said if I move he will report me to social services as I am stopping him from seeing his son.

He does give me money but I know it will stop once I am at my parents.

@POTC
I'm sorry to hear that you have this, it must be very difficult for you.

If you don't mind me asking, how were you diagnosed?
And is there any treatment? Can children inherit the condition?

I had never heard of this condition until tonight.

Social service won't do anything unless you are a safeguarding risk to your child. He's talking shit.

He's going to kill someone falling asleep while driving.