Not invited to christening

[Blackberryandcherry]

AIBU?

One of my close friends had a baby in November. I planned her baby shower completely on my own for around 30 people, and I’ve been a regular visitor whilst she’s on mat leave, often using my annual leave to keep her and baby company during the day.

I went round last night for a couple of glasses of wine and she got onto chatting about her plans to get the baby christened. She said it would just be a small christening with family and her babies ‘friends’. It turns out that involves inviting our entire friendship group and their little ones, but not me as I am child free. I am the only one without a baby.

AIBU to be hurt by this? Fully expecting to be told she can invite who she likes but honestly I am feeling a bit devastated to be the only one excluded.

OP, you sound like such a kind and caring person, and it's a shame this friend doesn't value you. Don't be embarrassed, don't ask questions, just withdraw from the friendship and move on.
I suspect at some point she'll need or want your help, and will regret being so unkind.

She sounds like she doesn't deserve a friend like you. Sad when people treat you like this.

If she listed the people coming and the OP wasn't on the list, one would assume this to be a fair assumption.

It isn’t ”just thoughtless.”

It’s rude, crude and disrespectful.
As a pp said upthread, give this person a vacay from your life for a very long while.
I have a feeling she’ll be along soon enough when she needs something and you’re the convenient “friend” who can provide it.

I know the heartache this gives you and the embarrassment — but try not to let it bother you.
She’s the one who should be ashamed and embarrassed — you’ve been an amazing friend.
❤️

”Don’t love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” (Oscar Wilde) applies for friends and family just as much as it does for lovers.

I’m a vicar and it’s this kind of attitude (from your friend, not you) that really tests me when it comes to Christenings.

Sorry, OP. This is rough for you.

@Blackberryandcherry I'm so sorry. That's truly awful. She's being unkind and thoughtless.

Tbh I'd have to let her know I'm hurt in this case. Very very poor form. I thought you were going to say family only, which is very normal and completely fine. Leaving you out is unkind.

That's poor form, I doubt she holds your friendship to the same level. Does she do anything for you? She comes across as a right user. Won't be long before she's asking you to babysit

@Hellodarknessmyfriend that argument displays a clear logical fallacy: it is flawed to argue that, just because many Christenings in reality have nothing to do Christianity, it’s fine that this one shouldn’t also.

I would text her and ask, “can I just confirm whether you are expecting me at the christening?” She may have just assumed that you know you’ve been invited, if she says you’re not invited then you know for definite and can then cut her off. It sounds to me like she will lose a good friend.

This is a very good message to send her. I would, however, omit the last sentence, especially the bit about reevaluating the friendship. That is gifting her the chance to say that it is you, who has the problem.

That’s just mean. I’d dump her - she’s shown you who she is and she’s not your friend. Sorry OP, life’s harsh sometimes.

Don’t give her a wide berth for a while.

Give her a wide permanently.

Wow. What a cow.
Ditch her, op. She's shown you what she thinks of you

Exactly this. I’d decide what to do about the friendship based on the response. Could be thoughtlessness and baby brain but if after being told how hurt you are she doesn’t feel really bad about how you feel, then that’d be the end for me

"baby brain"
She hasn't put the car keys in the fridge. She's shared a list of those invited, and it doesn't include the OP.

Dont use anymore annual leave to help her with childcare or anything.

Step back and dont see her alone anymore and only if there's a group gathering.

Put her on mute on your phone and start making new friends.

Book a break the weekend of the christening so there's no danger of you being asked to make sandwiches like an unpaid skivvy.

This woman is a user, not a friend.

And are you a 100% sure she doesn't mean you in the "family" numbers? Like as an automatic person there?

Like she might be asking you to be a godparent after all you've done?

This. I'm not buying the whole baby brain forgot to invite you/compartmentalise friends thing. You were kind and caring and looked out for her. To her you were handy and available but she doesn't value you. I would text her and say something to bring it to her attention that you are not invited and are surprised and see what she says.you sound lovely.

Simple text message. 'Hi friend, I just wanted to say that after organising the whole of your baby shower, I feel hurt not to be included in xxx's christening. Is there a particular reason you decided not to invite me?'

You should not be embarrassed. She should be.

But I would clarify if you say she is a good friend. Ask if you are invited? Ask who the godparents will be.

I think they're seeing the party as a " kid's party" and might assume that you wouldn't care about being there. This is the only reason I can think of why you might be excluded. Even if that is the case, they're being ignorant because that's not really what a christening is about and it's awful to exclude just one person. I would have to ask why and let her know how much it's upset you.

Ohhhhhhhh no.

Mate, your friend is a user. You're not useful to her new life as a mum.

I'd personally be grateful not to be invited to the Christening, because I find them extremely boring - but I can absolutely see why you are upset. It's so rude after everything you've done.

I'd pull right back from her and drift away. I'd be 'sorry, been very busy and unavailable' if she wanted coffee, company or anything else. And I'd not ask about the Christening at all. I'd take it that she'd shown her true colours and mentally relegate her to the role of 'aquaintance I am polite to if we happen to meet'.

She sounds thoughtless and horrid.

She’s not your friend, she is a piss taker