To think if he wanted a second date, I'd have heard by now?

[KookyUmberQuoter]

I went on a first date with a guy from an app 5 days ago. Date lasted around 2 hours, it was a walk in the park (literally, not figuratively!) and I made sure I had an easy out.

He looked a bit nervous at the start but then warmed up. It wasn't flirty but I'm someone who needs time to warm up. We had a great chat, made jokes and seemed to have lots in common.

At the end of it we just quickly hugged and said 'take care, bye!' he didn't suggest a second date or say anything about seeing me again.

I've not heard from him since. I'm possibly clutching at straws here but maybe he thought I wasn't interested? I was the one to end the date first and I didn't flirt or say anything about meeting again.
However part of me just thinks, if he'd been interested, I'd have a message by now.

It was ever thus. It's the rules of the game. Have you never watched Swingers with Vince Vaugh and Jon Favreau? Its a riot of a 90s film and i recommend it to anyone. Really funny.

Dating is a game, its a game of cat and mouse. In the early days you dont want to appear too available.

I have stuff to do most days, I was busy today but tonight it's pissing it down, I feel sick and I'm tired. If he's put off because I've dared to message on a Saturday evening then I'm well rid.

Amen to that, @KookyUmberQuoter . By this thread, I'm starting to think I'm bloody lucky to have ever managed to find someone, as it's all way over my head 🤣

He wouldnt necessarily be put off for that reason alone but it lowers your value in his eyes. But it's immaterial here as any man worth his salt would have messaged you within 24hrs of date number 1.

Dating doesn't have to be a game. Not if you don't want it to be.

Maybe is my age showing but all the talk of games playing sounds rather tiring.

A guy can also play the keen games and get rid of you after 3 dates, within a week, then move on to a new target.

OP if I was you I will respond and follow up whenever I feel and want. You are the prize and the driver of your life so is up to you who you decide to join you on this ride. The most important thing here is you make the decision to reach out. Whether he reciprocate or not does not define you.

I think I remember your last thread, and see that you still hold some really fixed ideas on what women/men are and aren't supposed to do.
Really, don't date for a while - learn to be your own woman, don't hang around waiting for validation by male.

After a first date, assuming it went well, you'd expect the man to have messaged within a day to say some pleasantries. If he doesn't then you can assume he's not interested. Sure, if you feel the need to, you can message him after a day or two, but it's all a power struggle. Call me old fashioned but men should do the running. No point a woman chasing some guy who's not interested, it just makes you look desperate. Women hold all the cards in dating and in sex, hence men have to do the running.

You apologised? Stop and work on your self-esteem first.

It really doesn’t need to be as complicated as some are saying. I hate the stupid arbitrary ‘rules’ and silly immature teenage game playing.

It’s 2024 OP ffs if you like a man text him, if he doesn’t reply then at least you know where you stand. Some of these posts make it sound like one text saying ‘I had a great time’ is chasing, begging, looking desperate - it’s such an outdated attitude. I’m in my 50’s and that attitude was old fashioned even in the lates 80’s early 90’s when I last dated.

Put yourself in control ladies. No one should be chasing anyone, it’s just about being upfront

No reply..

Well, maybe he was out last night and hasn't looked at his Bumble yet if he's still sleeping. But at least you'll know today if he wasn't interested and you can draw a line under it.

It was a Saturday he was probably out. If he doesnt reply today. Draw a line under it abd bext time. If you're interested send a follow up message. Thanks for today. Really enjoyed it. Looking forward to seeing you again

Omg.. he's just replied saying he'd like to meet again and he'd gotten the impression I wasn't interested!!

Brilliant

Great. Now you’ve got your answer. No more sitting around wondering.

By your opening statement and how you were describing the date I kinda got the feeling you had given him that vibe. I believe men’s egos are much more fragile than ours.

congrats! 👏👏👏

Well there ya go! All that worrying and stressing and fussing for nothing! I display similar behaviour sometimes; get all freaked out if someone doesn't respond to my text within a couple of hours, wondering if I have upset or offended that person/if they still like me/if they're still my friend/if they wanna see me again - so no judgement from me!

Great news. Hope the next date goes well. @KookyUmberQuoter

Great news OP. So definitely it’s worth dropping a quick message after a date then.

Saying ‘I had a great time’ is not chasing - and it gets positive results rather than leaving you wondering

Best of luck, see fortunate favours the brave.

Brilliant OP! It’s so good you messaged him.

You don’t need to ‘chase’
Send him a funny meme or casually ask him a question about something he is interested in like a hobbie or work or make a comment on wathever is in the news and then see if he takes the lead

ah I see there was progress 👍🏼👍🏼

There you go.

Imagine if you hadn’t messaged him now.

Yay! 🙌