To think if he wanted a second date, I'd have heard by now?

[KookyUmberQuoter]

I went on a first date with a guy from an app 5 days ago. Date lasted around 2 hours, it was a walk in the park (literally, not figuratively!) and I made sure I had an easy out.

He looked a bit nervous at the start but then warmed up. It wasn't flirty but I'm someone who needs time to warm up. We had a great chat, made jokes and seemed to have lots in common.

At the end of it we just quickly hugged and said 'take care, bye!' he didn't suggest a second date or say anything about seeing me again.

I've not heard from him since. I'm possibly clutching at straws here but maybe he thought I wasn't interested? I was the one to end the date first and I didn't flirt or say anything about meeting again.
However part of me just thinks, if he'd been interested, I'd have a message by now.

I always say you regret things you didn’t do more than things you did do. So I would have absolutely done the same as OP and gone for it. Nothing to lose. If he doesn’t get back, she has her answer and can move on. No harm done, and she probably won’t bump into him again.

Then at least you’ll know and can move on to the next.

Yes but equally likely he half heartedly replies and they drag out an unsatisfactory few dates before he ghosts her again.

If a man is into you, you’ll know about it, and I wish I had believed this sooner myself.

To get in touch, don’t you think?
By the first post one would understand if the poor guy felt a bit rejected as OP perhaps wasn’t as forthcoming as she would have liked.
If nothing else, OP, you probably made his day better and he might feel less rejected.
Please keep us posted!
🤞

What's wrong with that message?

What do you mean? Don't knock OPs confidence, it's taken her this long to text him.

Nooooo.

None of you saying “text him, he might be shy” have ever internet dated. That’s just not how it works.

You don't really want him you are offended by he's lack of interest that's absolutely fine I'd be offended to that's human nature.

I think some of the previous posters have clarify the difference between chasing and showing interest.

Not an advocate for making the 1st move myself but I also believe that during the initia stage, us women do have to put in some sort of efforts in the relationship if we are interested in that person.

If after a few dates the energy remained the same, i.e. unsatisfactory dates or unreciprocated responses then we can decide to pull the plug with no regrets.

@AndForAFortnightThereWeWereForever
What a strange reaction to the idea of a walk in the park date. It's my favourite type of first date, and lots of other people on this thread agree.

Advantages of a walk in the park date:

1. It's in public, therefore safer
2. It's usually during the day so it's easier to cut short if necessary without having invested too much time. You can just walk away and get a bus etc.
3. It's a much more relaxed and relaxing and less intense way to get to know someone as you don't have to sit in front of them the whole time
4. There are usually things going on in parks or things to point out if you run out of conversation
5. Neither of you are tempted to get drunk
6. You don't have to make a huge effort to dress up
7. If nothing else, you've had some fresh air and exercise
8. It's free (or the cost of coffee and cake)

The idea that a man has to spend money on a first date as a mark of eligibility is weird. If a man's wealth is important to you it's very easy to find that out in a conversation eg. by finding out what his job is or where he goes on holiday. Splashing cash on wining a dining for a first date is the kind of thing people who go to on holiday to Dubai do. ie. trying hard to be classy but making it obvious in the process that they are not.

The aim of dating is to find out if you have a connection with someone. That has nothing to do with money.

Maybe she did it because half the posters on here have been telling her to...... 'because equality,' 'because it's not the 1950s. 🙄' 'because women can ask men out la la la la la!'

Hope you get another date @KookyUmberQuoter Glad to hear he did buy you a coffee!

I agree with you @TheWoodlanders walk in the park/woodland is a relaxing and intimate way to know a person.

I internet dated, and said in my previous post that I was the instigator of contact with my now DH. Why isn't this how it works? How else would it work?

Disagree. I think OLD is definitely a scenario where it’s fine for either party to message first as it’s not a situation where one has ‘asked the other out’ - they’re both in same boat and it’s good manners to messsge after a first date to say thanks regardless of whether you want to see them again or not.

@LividLost I cannot get over your 'shock' that she would send a text message. She didnt camp outside his house to stun him into speaking to her it was a text and I would have done the same.

Yep. Sending one text is hardly baby reindeer territory.

It’s 2024 age people still stuck in the ‘the man is the only one allowed to ask for a date’ outdated mindset?

i would imagine he's sitting there wondering why you didn't message him? you ended the date.. he didn't... just drop him a quick hi, how are you? i enjoyed our walk the other day, do you fancy another?

No reply so far .. it's only been 1.5 hours I guess?

I internet dated for a while & I wish I’d been more proactive about approaching men rather than waiting for them to message me. I’m talking more about the initial stages but I think I was far too passive in hindsight. Fortunately I did still meet my wonderful DP but I do think I wasted a lot of time overthinking.
I do remember the agony of waiting for the text back though OP! I used to turn my phone off & on again to see if that would make a message appear 🤦🏻‍♀️😂.

I have a feeling he won't reply ..

Could you divert your energy to doing something else?

Been there, staring at the phone willing it to either ring or ping is truly soul destroying. The last time I did this I had to mentally slapped myself and vowed to never repeat this behaviour.

To be fair, it's Saturday night, he isn't necessarily at home or somewhere where he can reply straightaway.

Has he read it?

I'm not sure as it's on Bumble, just says delivered. Maybe there's a way I can check without paying?

OP i wish i'd seen this earlier. You shouldnt have messaged on a Saturday night as it makes you look desperate. You should always have something better to do than to text a guy, like being out with friends or whatever. Next time, wait till a lazy Sunday evening or weeknight. You're the prize remember. Though TBH in this case as he went no contact after date 1 the signs are obvious he's either not interested or he's a massive wimp, and you dont want one of those.

It's not desperate to send a message on a Saturday night. It's not desperate to not have anything to do on one particular Saturday night, or even to choose to stay in. I can't get over the mental knots people must tie themselves in with expectations and second guessing and rules. Is that really what online dating is like now?