To think if he wanted a second date, I'd have heard by now?

[KookyUmberQuoter]

I went on a first date with a guy from an app 5 days ago. Date lasted around 2 hours, it was a walk in the park (literally, not figuratively!) and I made sure I had an easy out.

He looked a bit nervous at the start but then warmed up. It wasn't flirty but I'm someone who needs time to warm up. We had a great chat, made jokes and seemed to have lots in common.

At the end of it we just quickly hugged and said 'take care, bye!' he didn't suggest a second date or say anything about seeing me again.

I've not heard from him since. I'm possibly clutching at straws here but maybe he thought I wasn't interested? I was the one to end the date first and I didn't flirt or say anything about meeting again.
However part of me just thinks, if he'd been interested, I'd have a message by now.

No don't do that
Either send a friendly message saying you has a nice time or don't but don't play games.

I didn't think my dp was that into me on the first date. By the second I was sure.

Still together 3yrs later 😁

He was just a bit shy and needed time to warm up, maybe it's the same for him? Only one way to find out!

Sexist nonsense. Please tell me what part of a person's genitals makes using a mobile phone impossible.?

@KookyUmberQuoter do you like him? Do you want to see him again? Then ask him out. I am in my late 40s and can't understand how twenty odd years from starting dating, society is still so embedded in sex orientated behaviour that isn't justified.

You like someone invite them out.

Christ knows it 2024 women are allowed to ask men out
It's like posters seem to have aa set of rules in their mind about dating that they haven't shared with anyone
It doesn't have to be that complicated all this second guessing.

I think the moment has gone. You could have messaged within the first 24 hours with a "Sorry I had to leave, enjoyed meeting you. Do you fancy doing it again?" message but I think it's a bit late for that now. Lesson learned for next time.

He's probably shy / scared of rejection too. What if you both want a second date but are both too scared to message? Message him and say "I had a nice time with you on Tuesday, would you be interested in meeting again?". or if that is too scary "hey, how are you? Have you been able to enjoy this lovely weather we've been having?"

In my experience, men will pursue a woman they’re interested in…whether they think it’s reciprocated or not. There’s also no harm in asking him out either, as long as you’re prepared for a ‘no’/no reply.

You have to have quite a thick skin and be uninvested during early dates in my opinion, and know if someone isn’t interested it’s not that there’s something universally ‘wrong’ with you that you need ‘feedback’ on. You’ll find someone you click with, and it will flow naturally then.

I got rejected back in January, it was due to 'working together ' but ime it was just a cop out.
Then I was interested in someone but he was married and he never found out anyway as a result, so I guess it wasn't a rejection.
Can I handle a second rejection this year? Not sure.. maybe my skin isn't that thick after all.

I think when men really like a woman, they'll ask. He just has to send a text.

So many opportunities are wasted because we expect men to act a certain way without actually telling them we want them to act that way. The idea that men should always make the first move is archaic and based on out dated gender ideas that if a woman makes the first move then she's a slut and would make a bad wife.
In my experience men actually love it and find it sexy when a woman makes the first move.

were you attracted to him? You haven’t actually said. How did he make you feel when you met?

before dwelling too much on what he might be feeling reflect on your own feelings. You didn’t flirt (I appreciate that doesn’t come easily to you, but perhaps you’ve not the person that brings that side out of you?) you ended the date with no mention of meeting again and you didn’t follow up in the week after. I’m getting the impression that actually you’re not that into him, so keep looking! The right one is out there for you, don’t shut the door on him because you’re wasting time trying to forge a connection with a man who doesn’t light you on fire

He wouldn’t have stayed with you for 2 hours if he didn’t like you.

Just message him. And even if he doesn’t want to see you again, so what? I think you need to develop a thicker skin for online dating

Because never ever in the history of the world has a man ever chosen a woman because of how hard she worked to get him. Chasing a man is never going to make a him fall in love.

Men are going to spin you every lie under the sun, they're going to tell you oh, they love it when women approach them. Yeah, they love it when women approach to feed their ego. They have a fantasy of some 10/10 approaching them.

In reality, I don't care how good you look, if you approach a man he is going to think you are desperate and disposable. He is going to be telling his friends that you are desperate and ugly. He is going to be bragging "Oh yeah, I can hit that any time I want to because she is obsessed with me." And he is not interested. He does not want you.

If a man wants you, he will come to you. Do not let men play games with your head and make you think that oh, he was just sooo shy. The shyest man on this Earth knows he has to go after what he wants. A man is not sitting around waiting for his dream girl to approach him, he is doing whatever he can to get to her. He's working hard to make himself right for her, to make sure he can afford her, and if he hasn't got her yet he is going to using another woman in the meantime, but he is never going to care about or love her.

It boils down to "would you like to see him again"?

If you would, then send him a chatty message.

If you aren't fussed, then don't.

Yeah, you can contact him if you really want to see him again @KookyUmberQuoter , but I wouldn't be having a second date with any man that thought a walk in the park was an actual proper date. How embarrassing and cringeworthy. He didn't even want to spend the money on a latte for you! NOPE. Throw this one back in the sea. and move on.

What if a man has read your set-of made up rules🤔

Possibly, however in January a guy spent 5 hours with me then rejected me 🤣

He did buy me a drink from the park café, apologies I didn't mention that.

I don't know if my skin is thick enough to face two rejections in 7 months. Is that pathetic?

Some posters here seem stuck in the 1950s!!! Messaging him is not "chasing" him - or making it look like you're some sort of saddo who'll have sex with anyone!!!

You said that he seemed quite withdrawn or shy at first too. So he may just possibly be sitting at home thinking exactly the same as you - that he liked you but you ended the date early so probably aren't interested. Or, he might have enjoyed the date but not felt the possibility of a romantic spark. Which isn't a rejection. But you won't know unless you contact him!

I'd suggest something like: "Hi *, it was really nice meeting you the other day & I enjoyed our chat! Sorry I had to rush off, especially if that gave you the impression I was running away! It would be good to meet for another walk/coffee/lunch if you're free sometime soon. If not, good luck with the dating game 😊!"

I really don't think that sounds like a message from a desperate, lonely, sex-starved on-the-shelf spinster ...

He mightn't reply, he might & say thanks but he didn't feel a spark - or he might just say yes? Who's to know unless you message?!

Pure fictional nonsense. I have had many successful relationships by being an equal party and not applying dating advice from the 1950s.

The men you describe I wouldn't touch with a barge pole. If you are attracted to someone you ask them out it really is that simple.

It's not about chasing though.
If you're always the one to make the first move / start the conversation / send the first message then yeah thats an unbalanced amount of effort and not worth pursuing.
But equally, expecting him to always make the first move is also super unbalanced. And he might think that you're not actually that interested in him because you never make any effort to message unless he does first.
Relationships should be equal, and they're always going to work better if you both put effort into communicating.
I'm really sorry that you've been treated badly by men in the past, but I think you also have some internalised sexism/slut-shaming going on here.

I think coffee in the park is reasonable for a first meeting. In the olden days, in my liberty bodice and bonnet, you tended to get asked out in person. You had both had the opportunity to look each other in the eye and decide if this had potential or not.

Now, with on line dating, you haven't had that initial opportunity to size one another up. So something very neutral, open, no expectations seems reasonable.

@KookyUmberQuoter there's nothing wrong with saying 'im pretty shy so find these things a bit awkward. However I'd really like to see you again if you're up for it?'
It sounds likes he's quite shy himself to be honest so hopefully he'll understand what it's like.

"take care, bye!"

I think the bye was "goodbye". Even if he was shy he might have followed up with a text. Even if he thought you rushed off, if he was interested he would have followed up with a text.

5 days, no contact - he isn't interested. If you want, text him, nothing really to fear, either he says not interested or he doesn't acknowledge it.