To think if he wanted a second date, I'd have heard by now?

[KookyUmberQuoter]

I went on a first date with a guy from an app 5 days ago. Date lasted around 2 hours, it was a walk in the park (literally, not figuratively!) and I made sure I had an easy out.

He looked a bit nervous at the start but then warmed up. It wasn't flirty but I'm someone who needs time to warm up. We had a great chat, made jokes and seemed to have lots in common.

At the end of it we just quickly hugged and said 'take care, bye!' he didn't suggest a second date or say anything about seeing me again.

I've not heard from him since. I'm possibly clutching at straws here but maybe he thought I wasn't interested? I was the one to end the date first and I didn't flirt or say anything about meeting again.
However part of me just thinks, if he'd been interested, I'd have a message by now.

It sounds like your self esteem is quite low. I would try to reframe your approach to dating. Think of it as sampling from a box of chocolates - going on dates is fun, some chocolates you'll love and keep going back to, some will be nice but you'll leave them in the box for someone else, some will absolutely not be to your taste (but there's always more to have in the box that'll take the bad taste out your mouth). Use dating as an excuse to try new activities (mini-golf, life drawing, whatever you fancy!) and to meet people outside of your regular bubble. Don't expect every date to be a resounding success that ends in a long term relationship but instead try to take them one at a time and enjoy the moment.
Remember that if a date doesn't lead to a second date it doesn't mean that you're bad, it just means that you're not compatible with that person. I know rejection isn't fun, but the right person probably isn't going to be the first person you date. (you can read the chocolate descriptions and try to pick the ones you think you'll like, but sometimes you'll get a surprise new favourite).
I think you should try to work on your self-esteem though. Think about your answers to these kind of questions:
What am I good at?
What am I proud of myself for?
What am I grateful for in my life?
What is my best quality?
If it's too hard, try and think about what your friends'/family's responses might be when describing you.

Did you like him?

Yes - Message him.
No - Don't message him.

It's quite simple..!

Yes sorry it is really pathetic. And they were hardly rejections. I think I read your other thread.

not everyone can like you. Friends and dating is a number game. You need to put your big girl pants on and date more people In order to find people you like. And who like you.

maybe an assertiveness course would help?

Possibly it would help me! It sounds daft but everyone else around me is either coupled up or single but seems to not be interested in dating so it's hard to know how many rejections the average person will get.
That said, I have friends who are beautiful and have plenty going for them who've had plenty of rejections, part of me thinks it's because they have quite dominant personalities (which isn't bad at all, but some men cannot handle it) not saying that's my case but i wouldn't think it's anything wrong with them.

The question is not : “does he want to see you again?”, the question is: “do you want to see him again?”.

If “no”, you move on, if “yes” you send a polite message mentioning grabbing a coffee, if he rejects you… his loss. Next!

if you’re so afraid of rejection you should not be dating because it’s going to be one painful experience.

But what do you mean ‘the amount of rejections the average person will get’? It entirely depends on their behaviour. Like asking the amount of car accidents someone will have.

you sound quite self absorbed yet disconnected from your own feelings. It is a strange combo.

If I've ever been on a first date and am interested in another one, I'd message pretty much after the date "Thanks for [tonight]. I had a good time [or similar]. Let me know if you'd like to meet up again."

There's no direct question so no pressure to say yes or no. It also lets him know I'm interested.

That's good, how has your success rate been with that?
I was 'warned' that it might put men off as it makes things too easy and they like a bit of chase (which I think is sad tbh)

Yes, I would let him know I'm interested in meeting again

Fuck it, I'm going to send a message now.
If he says no, I've absolutely nothing to lose, I don't work with him or know him in any other capacity, I couldn't give a fig.
I'll keep you updated.

@KookyUmberQuoter

If they like a 'chase' then they're just playing stupid games (or will ghost you after sex 😬).

I believe there’s a difference between making a man know “you’re interested” and “chasing”. Telling him you had a good time and letting him know you would like to see him again is giving him the “green light” 💡. After a third date if he starts bread crumbing and you continue pursuing him that’s “chasing”.

…but at least you’re not bitter.

Go for it OP as you say nothing to lose ! If he's not into it then no biggie but you know what's happening !

I've been happily married for 36 years next month.

It's just the truth.

When I was dating, I saw it as a numbers game—the more guys I went out with, the better the chance of finding my person. I was casually dating someone (no sex) when I met DH. DH took my number but never called, so I called and asked if he wanted to meet up. He did. I dated both guys for a while (no sex).

If you say that you had fun the other day, and would he like to meet up for coffee, what’s the worst he can say? “No thanks, I didn’t feel a connection.” Okay…not the end of the world, and at least you know where you stand and can put your focus elsewhere. Five days is quite soon, though. If it were me, I’d give it five more days.

You won’t die if he says no.

I’ve been happily married for 32 years….I’ve had a different experience.

Good for you! Looking forward to your update.

I really wouldn’t be disappointed if he says no. It’s quite unusual that two strangers will “click”. Your mistake is taking it so personally. It’s not a rejection.

Is a win win for you op.

yes - you go on a date.
no - you move on and date someone else.

worst case scenario is no response. Let's hope he is not a chronic ghoster

But you DO give a fig.

You are more emotionally invested than you say you are.

Never be afraid to message if it's something you want.
It's just as hard for men as it is for women and it's not always up to them to make the first move.
Life is short and if you like someone tell them. You want to see them again tell them. You just be rejected but you might not be. At least you know without having to wonder if that one text could have made a difference.

My first date with DH was a walk through the local seaside town. We were both very, VERY skint. It's the best first date I ever had (and the last first date I ever had). Every first date before that was the guy trying to prove he could be a provider, that he was a big man I should be impressed by. DH actually paid attention to me, rather than trying to impress me, and showed me he'd be a partner.

I'm sad for you that you can't appreciate simple things. They are the real joys in life.

As a man, based on what you've said regarding your body language and how you ended the date, I wouldn't have messaged back either, even if I was interested.

Good luck Op, you messaging won’t put him off, it will clarify things. Whether he was going to message, or wasn’t, the outcome will still be the same if you communicate first. You’ll just know quicker!

I do take rejection personally. Not to them, I just tell them 'no worries' or something similar.
But internally, I do. I don't know why.

It makes me question myself, was I too this, too that? Was I not ___ enough? I wish I weren't like this, but I am.
It's just that when I've rejected men (not that often) it was personal.
Obviously I wouldn't say that to them in a rude way, but it was something about them I found unattractive. I wouldn't reject someone who I found attractive, got on with and was compatible with.