To think my DD17 is overthinking her bf's porn watching

[Thegreatprocrastinator001]

So my DD has been with her bf for 2 years and they are close but also have their own social lives. They're due to go abroad together to stay with family in a week. Today DD is saying she won't go and never wants to speak to him again bc she found out, but checking account histories, that at he looked up porn after she'd told him he shouldn't as it makes her insecure. I get she's annoyed that he lied but she's saying it's like cheating, that she can't trust him and she wants to break up with him. I know porn in general is exploitative with negative messages about sex but I really feel she doesn't appreciate most boys do look up porn - girls too probably - and that it could just be about sexual curiosity.

But OP daughter doesn't like it because it makes her Insecure.

To not have enough confidence and self esteem that it upsets you when your partner finds another person attractive? No offence of course to the poor 17 year old, but shouldn't the issue be that she can ditch bf if she wishes, but needs to work on her self esteem as it's an absolute unrealistic standard to hold a person to, especially if she feels that way about his female friends, strangers too.

Tell DD that she will not be able to have a relationship with a man. Almost all men look up pornography, and it's not for "curiosity." It's for sexual arousal.

Sometimes my boyfriend even wanks to photos of me 😉 I don't feel exploited. Well, not in a bad way.

I think this is a very positive stand you dd is taking

she is setting her boundaries and keeping to them

I wish I had at her age and I wish more young women were encouraged to

Don't try to break down your daughter's boundaries. It's a very positive sign that she has this one! A young woman will be constantly pressured to drop her boundaries for other peoples benefits. Support her in this, don't make her settle.

I think it's none of your business to be honest.

Firstly, TMI.

Secondly, that's clearly, obviously, entirely different from watching porn. You have no understanding of the ethics of this debate if you can't see the distinction

So message to DD from her parent should be to work on your self esteem so your other half can watch porn?

Besides, I thought the party line is it's not because the women are attractive, it's just to scratch an itch etc etc

We're talking about sex aren't we? I don't share your purported view of porn at all. I think it's hot to watch beautiful people. I also think most women who are against porn are actually just ashamed of their own bodies but it suits them to pretend it's a moral issue. It is a shame not to feel fully in possession of yourself like that.

How is it TMI? You said that men wanking to naked women is exploitation. She had to inform you that her BF wanks to her photographs to counteract that argument.

As for the ethics of the debate, can you please explain what the difference is between wanking to a picture of a girlfriend and wanking to a picture of someone online?

All of this.

@OptimismvsRealism I think it's hot to watch beautiful people too. But I care more about consent than I care about watching them.

She sounds like a young soon-to-be woman with very high standards. I hope she always keeps them this high. Good on her!

If a woman poses semi-naked or naked for a camera, is it not fair to say she has consented otherwise she would not have posed?

Are you asking how women who don't watch porn orgasm?

I mean, a decent partner who knows what they are doing is a good starting point.

Why do you think they haven't consented? Do you think Hollywood actresses haven't either? A movie free household?

That’s a bit disingenuous, because they’re not literally watching women being exploited - that’s something that we know happens, but often it’s not what’s available on the screen. It’s in the industry, off screen, behind the scenes… And you know that.

And let’s be honest, there’s exploitation and child labour and death behind loads of the things we do and buy, that we can’t see. It’s part of food production, clothing, the wider entertainment industry…

@OptimismvsRealism Do you really not care about the welfare of the women involved in the sex industry?

”And that a lot of (female) outrage about porn is rooted in insecurity rather than genuine moral outrage.”

Just checked in with my moral outrage and insecurity separately. I’m fairly fucking certain that moral outrage is where my (female) outrage is firmly rooted. I have a (male) inmate’s prison number and Victim Support on the call log as evidence to support where my (female) outrage is rooted. It’s not in Insecurity. By the way, who and what drives that insecurity?

I like how you put female in brackets- just to fucking sandbag your misogyny and sex-based targeting. Sweet!
Tell me what (male) outrage about porn looks like and what that’s rooted in.

Hello ? <insert echo here> Can anybody answer this with sincerity and integrity?

Crickets. As usual.

Porn has reached saturation levels. It’s far more extensive than ever and its existence, in its current iteration, encourages the ongoing coercion into appeasing men’s sexual ‘needs’, which can never be met, as proven by the armada of flaccid dicks so many of us end up contending with in our ‘satisfactory relationships’ thanks to the one, the only PORN! 🎉
Fuck that noise. Porn. When has it made sex for us women better?
When has it done right by women?

A sarcastic Thank You to all the sisters posting in support of misogyny under the banner of feminism. You’re not on the right side of history or women or OP’s DD. OP needs to do a little misogyny cleansing herself (or himself if he’s dad).

So only with a partner?

Images and literature don't involve real women being fucked.

For the love of absolute basic parenting skills, do not tell your DD this

I don't believe you do either. I think you feel bad about your mum tum or whatever and weird at your partner enjoying someone else's body. All industries involve power disparity.

@OptimismvsRealism "! Why do you think they haven't consented? "

Oh,you sweet summer child....

I'm a person who believes that people should be direct, candid, and truthful. Far too much harm has been caused by people distorting or twisting the truth.

What I said is a candid fact: the overwhelming majority of men look at pornography, and they look at pornography for the purposes of sexual arousal.