To think my DD17 is overthinking her bf's porn watching

[Thegreatprocrastinator001]

So my DD has been with her bf for 2 years and they are close but also have their own social lives. They're due to go abroad together to stay with family in a week. Today DD is saying she won't go and never wants to speak to him again bc she found out, but checking account histories, that at he looked up porn after she'd told him he shouldn't as it makes her insecure. I get she's annoyed that he lied but she's saying it's like cheating, that she can't trust him and she wants to break up with him. I know porn in general is exploitative with negative messages about sex but I really feel she doesn't appreciate most boys do look up porn - girls too probably - and that it could just be about sexual curiosity.

The only way the statement "the majority of people don't approve of porn" could possibly be true would be if you successfully argued that 'men' should not be considered 'people'.

@Thegreatprocrastinator001 your post really had me thinking. Considering some good points that PPs have made and the fact that clearly you and your DD have a trusting and open relationship for her to come to you with this (which is lovely to see by the way).

If it was me, I would perhaps hit all the points mentioned. I would start off by praising her for sticking with her principles and having strong boundaries. I would tell her i’m incredibly proud of her for that.

I would also ask why she felt that she could or should snoop on BF to find the info in the first place and how it would make her feel if the tables were turned (maybe about another subject that would be a boundary to him), not admonishing or telling off, just genuinely asking to get a deeper understanding.

Depending on her answer and the fact she did mention about feeling insecure I would then focus on that and encourage her to find ways to find more confidence in those areas she feels insecure about.

I don’t think it has to be mutually exclusive, all points matter here. She should absolutely have standards and stand by them. But she can’t control what someone else does. She also needs to have enough self confidence to say, hey you do you i’m not going to control you but I want better than the standard you hold yourself to so I’m gonna go find it and be happy and confident elsewhere ✌🏽

—edited for typo

No they don't , sorry you have not experienced a decent relationship.

Always lol at the incels arriving on these threads to tell you that ALL men watch porn... 😎

I think you need to check what the word "incel" actually means.

Well a lot of women like it too. Sometimes during the opposite of being an incel. Nice to recreate. Nice to revisit. And men are even more visual so it's hard to believe that any don't like it.

Does the thought of part of the process of your child being conceived being your husband pleasuring himself whilst viewing images of exploited women not make you feel sick?

And still they come... (pun intended) 😇

Do you think babies should only come from pure mental images of one's beautiful wife in sensible missionary?

Very well put, and also very succinct.

Thank you!

God yea, its so unsexy knowing that my other half doesn't have to watch porn, that my body is enough for him, im sexy enough, that I don't have to endure being smashed into for ages because he's not watching someone else, err, being smashed into for ages. (As per my porn loving exes. Funny how all my exes who were into porn were dog shit in bed)

So unsexy. Oh sorry, no its not 😏

Some women on here want men who have a high sex drive so that they find them attractive and initiate relationships with them, but they also want these same men to have low sex drives so they won't watch porn. The contradiction goes completely over their heads.

I don't think you get the nature of male sexuality tbh. Sharing fantasies visually is the point of porn. When we're apart for work or whatever we share favourite clips as well as photos of each other. Ideas for next time we're together.

@Megifer God yea, its so unsexy knowing that my other half doesn't have to watch porn,

How do you know that your partner does not watch porn?

that I don't have to endure being smashed into for ages because he's not watching someone else, err, being smashed into for ages.

Isn't the consensus that women prefer sex to last longer than it normally does? I accept that this may not be true and might just be a media stereotype, but I'm just pointing out that what you're saying contradicts the mainstream narrative.

😂

So you have to watch porn for that?

The mumsnetters I don't understand are the ones who think masturbation and watching porn are the same thing. So if you are opposed on ethical grounds to porn you are also opposed to masturbation. Very odd indeed.

That is complete and utter nonsense!

Please, enlighten me, what the nature is of male sexuality that requires porn?

No, but you have to have a grown-up attitude and accept that people are different, and just because someone might look at porn does not mean they are cheating, or unfaithful, or that they don't love their partner.

Better to be accepting of a man who watches porn than to end up with one of those weird, effeminate, progressive feminist men who pretends that they do not watch porn and they find it unethical, but it turns out they secretly do watch porn and they are dishonest in a myriad of other ways.

Here we go with the pejorative terms again

It's not prudish to not want to watch porn

Wanking.

Well done her!

Hopefully she, unlike many of her peers, won't be pressured into doing things she doesn't want to do. Younger men are demanding more and more from their partners in terms of providing for them what they watch on porn sites.

Males are extremely visually driven in terms of arousal. I think you know this.

Nope any conception that doesn't involve the exploitation and often rape of women is fine with me.