Sil asking inappropriate questions

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My 11yr old son had a sleep over with his cousins at my sil's. The next day she told me, whilst giggling, she'd asked him if he was attracted to boys. I was shocked and she assured me people are more accepting of gay people. My son was only 11 last month and just finishing primary school this week. He will be loved regardless but he's still a child! Am I overreacting being unhappy she's brought this up with him at such a young age, or at all?!

What was the context of the conversation?

On fence. A few on dc primary class are interested in dating and meeting up. Girls seem to be lot more mature than the boys and more interested in dating (lots have started periods).

I don't think there's any harm in asking if there are any boys or girls that he likes

Hopefully you have talked to him about sex and relationships and consent etc. He will need it going into high school

I don't know what the "proper" answer is. But I would be annoyed too.

Whatever his sexual orientation might be, it's no-one else's business, and I don't suppose he really knows for sure - or maybe hasn't even given it a thought.

I would rethink sleepovers at her house for a while.

I wouldn't be happy - I always find it creepy when random adults (including aunts and uncles) are preoccupied with a child's sexuality. Especially when they wait until the child's parents are absent and the child is in a situation they can't easily get away from.

Can you imagine an uncle asking an 11 year old girl if she was attracted to other girls?

What was the context? Was it a general do you have a girlfriend, is there anyone you like at school type of thing? In that sense I think asking do you have a girlfriend no what about a boyfriend is an inclusive and accepting way of discussing crushes kids might have. In an ideal world nobody would need to come out because we wouldn’t assume straightness in the first place.

She seemed to be just asking him if he was gay. I'm not sure what led up to her asking but he was very embarrassed and she thought it was funny.

Adults who deliberately embarrass children (or anyone really) are arseholes. It was inappropriate from the start, but she should have noticed his discomfort, briefly apologised, then left it. Poor boy.

None of her business.

A child's sexuality is not something for an adult to look into if they're not the parents.

That was YOUR conversation to have had, as his parents, in an age-appropriate way, at the right time.

And why did she wait until you were out of the way? What's she trying to do - groom him?

If this was an uncle asking an adolescent girl if she fancied girls ... 🧐

I'd be sending an email setting out why this was a wrong move and that this conversation will not be repeated.

That's so completely weird and creepy of SIL. What the hell.

Would you be just as upset if she asked him if he was attracted to girls?

Mind you, it seems a bit strange that she only picked one sex.

Asking on either is weird, who asks 11 year olds that.

She saw this as something entertaining for herself, very unpleasant behaviour. I'd feel the same about boys or girls.

100% this

She sounds like a twit.

Totally and especially if he was with a load of other kids, I would be pissed off.

This

And I also agree with posters who think making children uncomfortable for their own random amusement are creepy, inappropriate and essentially arseholes.

I'd be furious

I would be angry - she has no right and it was inappropriate. Does she have form for being an arsehole?

What a weird thing to ask. I say to my nephew ah when you’re older and you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend…..but I would never ask him who he is attracted to.

Tell your ds that if she or anyone asks him uncomfortable questions in future to ask
‘why do you want to know?’ On repeat.

What the actual fuck is wrong with her? Has she demonstrated such ignorance and stupidity in other ways?

I think it’s none of your SIL’s damn business and it sounds like she was delighted that you and your son are uncomfortable about her questioning. Silly woman.

I would be so furious at this, really. Who is she to be asking him that and WHY? Is she trying to imply something and then get everyone else in on it ? That's awful of her.

If his cousins had asked then I would think it’s normal (I assume that they are a similar age since they do sleepovers) but it’s weird for an adult to ask because it’s none of their business.

I don’t think it’s any of her business, and no one should be asking a child, or an adult, who they’re attracted to. Even asking just enforces that straight is normal and anything else is other. Eleven years old may well have romantic interest in others, but it’s none of her business who it is, unless he’s volunteered that information.