Sil asking inappropriate questions

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My 11yr old son had a sleep over with his cousins at my sil's. The next day she told me, whilst giggling, she'd asked him if he was attracted to boys. I was shocked and she assured me people are more accepting of gay people. My son was only 11 last month and just finishing primary school this week. He will be loved regardless but he's still a child! Am I overreacting being unhappy she's brought this up with him at such a young age, or at all?!

He’s 11, it’s not appropriate and it’s not ok to embarrass him. Arm him with stock phrases like ‘it’s not ok for you to talk to me like that’, ‘I’m a kid it’s weird to talk to me like that’, ‘my mum will seriously kick your ass if you keep talking to me like that.’ He doesn’t need to understand consent because as a minor he can’t give it so if an adult is making him uncomfortable, he needs to know how to deal with it. Telling them they are making him uncomfortable and being clear he will tell you should be enough.

Whaaaat??? Dating…. At 11!!!! Wow 😮

Totally agree.
Unnecessary line of questioning and unkind reaction.

This is horrible. Bad ro ask ar any age, but to put a young child on the spot like that. Completely out of order

Definitely. An absolute twat. No way would I let her get away with this crap. Why do people put up with SHiTE like this??

My boys were still ten at the end of primary and were thinking about Pokémon, not sexuality. I remember them talking about the minority who were interested and they thought it was odd (and boring because it meant spending time with someone less interesting than your friends).

Has your SIL got a limited social life? I don't get why she is so interested in what kids are doing.

No it sounds like you’re more annoyed she pointed out your child is feminine :0 it is what it is

Asking an eleven year old about their sexuality is weird and inappropriate.

Oh my goodness, totally inappropriate to ask. Why embarrass your nephew like that, it’s got absolutely nothing to do with her either way anyway.

Time to distance yourself and your son from her. Adults who ask young children embarrassing questions for fun are a disgrace

Exactly. It shows a total lack of respect towards you and your child. TBH, I don't understand why people feel it's okay to bring up other people's sexuality, let alone a child's (unless it's their own). I would only accept this kind of situation if my child trusted a family member to the point of bringing it up with them. Other than that, it's inappropriate and embarrassing.

Discussing sexual Preferences with a 11 year old is pretty inappropriate (unless initiated by them and handled appropriately)

Giggling about it and embarrassing him is appalling. I assume she thinks he's gay and decided to be down with the kids and talk openly about it.

I'd be pretty Annoyed tbh

To be honest I think she is a silly cow. She shouldn’t be asking anything, not her place.

Being feminine doesn't equal being gay (or trans). nor does being masculine mean a child will be straight. And at 10/11 I don't believe it means much at all.

It's inappropriate. A lot of kids aren't interested in dating until quite a bit later. I used to hate being asked if I had a boyfriend from a young age by adults. I felt embarrassed.

She’s completely out of line for asking this. Also deliberately asking when his parents were not there…Yikes.
Also she was laughing when she told you? Just awful.

That would be the last time DS was with her unsupervised.

She didn’t ask his sexual preferences, she asked his sexuality. I don’t think that’s weird at all. My daughter is 9 and will state that she’d date boys or girls when she’s older. Kids are open about this stuff now. It’s weird older adults making sexuality ‘a thing’ that’s wrong.

I cannot see any reason for her to ask him such a question - nor for her to think it is funny.

This, precisely. Why should relatives be questioning a child about this at all, in the absence of the parent? Especially with a boy who is only 11. I would find it creepy.

Is she ND?
I have combined adhd and I say inappropriate things and can ask inappropriate questions.
Maybe she was playful teasing in the question?
My 10yr old DS knows about homosexuality and I’ve explained to him that it doesn’t matter who he loves, just so long as he is a good person and treats people kindly, I couldn’t care less about if he has a boy/girl friend (obvs not into anyone right now, he’s 10).

Thank you everyone. I haven't seen her yet but I've spoken to my husband who agrees she shouldn't have asked him but thinks I'm overreacting.
I've seen other sil who was shocked at her stupidity and understood why I was unhappy. She offered to speak to her but I said no I will.
I'm glad I posted you've made me feel better

Its not a thing to playfully tease anyone about, unless they start it, and under no circumstances is it ok for an adult to tease an 11 yo about.

Right. OK 👌🏻

Context matters. If there was a conversation instigated by the children about girlfriends/boyfriends no harm at all in her speaking about him being attracted to other boys. If she apropos of nothing asked him that question its really inappropriate of her.