Sil asking inappropriate questions

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My 11yr old son had a sleep over with his cousins at my sil's. The next day she told me, whilst giggling, she'd asked him if he was attracted to boys. I was shocked and she assured me people are more accepting of gay people. My son was only 11 last month and just finishing primary school this week. He will be loved regardless but he's still a child! Am I overreacting being unhappy she's brought this up with him at such a young age, or at all?!

I’d want to know why she thought this was a good idea and I’d tell her not to raise it again, she isn’t his parent.

It’s inappropriate. He doesn’t need to be thinking about who he is attracted to and also it’s none of her business. I’d tell her that you don’t feel it was appropriate. How did he feel about it?

She's probably decided that he's gay and she's the only one insightful enough to have worked it out. She sounds like a tiresome and obnoxious person.

Depends on what you would think if she asked if he had a girlfriend. I wouldn't have an issue with either question but appreciate some people don't like children being asked about thing like that.

My niece spoke to me at around the same age about her sex ed lessons. She clearly had questions and wanted to check a few things with a trusted adult rather than her parents.

So I don’t think it’s necessarily unreasonable to have those types of conversations with a 11 year old but SIL should be talking plainly and maturely, not giggling and embarrassing him.

What an opportunity missed to have a lovely empowering and enlightening chilled out chat with a young person that you care about. (Her not you op!)

It’s not funny and she needs to butt the fuck out.

While giggling?

I’d be fucking furious with her for potentially putting him in an awful position just for her entertainment.

If he is, he’s either going to have to admit it (potentially before he’s ready) or deny it (which might make him feel like there’s something shameful about it, if he feels like he has to hide it because his aunt is sniggering).

And if he isn’t, is he going to be wondering why she asked that and thinking that he needs to be different?

How did you respond when she told you?

I don't think it was appropriate for her to ask no, very strange. I would think it was inappropriate if she asked if he had a girlfriend at that age too - just weird

she assured me people are more accepting of gay people.

Does she think you don't know this?

It still doesn't explain why she asked.

Why des she want to know?

That would be the last time my son would be staying at SIL, totally unacceptable to embarrass him like that, who would even think of asking a question like that to an 11y o boy. And she thought it funny, would she feel the same if you asked her children. What did you say when she was laughing about it? I would have been furious. No way would my son be staying there again, and I would be expected for SIL to apologise.

Unfair to ask an 11 year old, boy or girl, such a question.

Her thinking it was funny would piss me off and words would be had. Immediately.

Inappropriate for an adult quizzing an 11 year old child that isn't theirs about sexuality.
I would be having words with this person

It sounds almost like what a child would say to tease another child, giggling while saying 'do you fancy xyz'. Very immature behaviour from her.
What if he responded by saying, 'why, are you a lesbian?' people's sexuality is private.
And often not even formed fully at such a young age. I had crushes on girls even though I knew I was straight when I was a kid.
She sounds like a bit of an idiot. Just tell her not to question children about their sexual preferences, as it makes her look weird.

Inappropriate to talk to an 11 year about attraction, girl or boy. Your poor son.

Personally, yes, I would find it just as weird, an adult asking a child who they are attracted to. I also find it weird that she was giggling as she was saying it, as if gay people are amusing, despite what she said later went on to say.

Your SIL was completely out of order and inappropriate for asking YOUR 11 year old this question. And now laughing about it.

I would be very unhappy and angry with her for putting my child in this position.

Personally I won't even be having this conversation with my children. If they are gay, I really hope they feel no need to announce it and have a big discussion about it. I want them just to introduce their partner and that be that.

Your SIL is a creep. I wouldn’t allow my child alone with her.

Can you imagine an uncle asking an 11 year old girl if she was attracted to other girls?

Yes, if that was a post on here, you'd be getting very strong advice not to let the uncle anywhere near your child again. I'd seriously reconsider sleepovers at your sil's. Maybe say the cousin can come to yours, if they're close. Your sil doesn't maintain appropriate boundaries at 11. What the hell will she be talking to him about when he's 13 or 14? Until he's confident enough to tell her she's being weird, I'd limit his contact with her, at least in circumstances where she feels able to ask him inappropriate questions.

I agree, the question was inappropriate but it’s the giggle that really concerns me. It implies an immaturity and also some what if a strange delight in discussing your child’s sexuality and making them uncomfortable.

SIL is a creep and not a safe person for children to be around.

Your DSIS questioning her nephew like that is really inappropriate not to mention weird
I would be furious that she embarrassed him
My own DS is gay and I wouldn't even asked him at that age!

Unless he confinde in her but then why the strange giggling, it's is absolutely inappropriate to have this conversation with a child.

I didn't think about asking DD about her views, she came out to us as bi when she was 12. So, some children may know early.

Not appropriate for her to ask him if he’s attracted to anyone, boys or girls. He would have been embarrassed for sure!
What a very strange thing to do 🙄

No no no! There is absolutely nothing about this question that’s in your son’s best interest. It’s either because she suspects your son might be gay or she wants some entertainment. Either of which are a complete violation of your son’s boundaries for her own needs….Stupid cow, I’d be really cross.