Sil asking inappropriate questions

[banannabreadforme]

My 11yr old son had a sleep over with his cousins at my sil's. The next day she told me, whilst giggling, she'd asked him if he was attracted to boys. I was shocked and she assured me people are more accepting of gay people. My son was only 11 last month and just finishing primary school this week. He will be loved regardless but he's still a child! Am I overreacting being unhappy she's brought this up with him at such a young age, or at all?!

Agree. Anybody with half a brain would know this line of questioning would only cause embarrassment for a child.

I don’t see an issue unless she was haranguing him. A simple question isn’t it.

11 year olds dating ! The parents need a shake.

It's not a question you just randomly ask anyone, nevermind your 11 year old DN.
That's inappropriate. Did you tell her so?

Yeah I’d be really fucked of with this,

1. it’s none of her fucking business

2. why should an 11 year old put himself in a box describing sexual preferences.

I’d totally wiping the smirk of her face

Noo! Not a simple question at all. "Are you attracted to boys" (or girls, it's all the same) is a creepy question to ask of an 11 yr old. And then giggling about it?

An outsider, ie not a parent, should not be having any conversation of this sort with any child, let her restrict it to the usual Who's your favourite team How's school going?

This!

Oh dear she doesn't sound very bright. What a strange and inappropriate thing to ask a child.

Discussing your 11yo’s sexual preferences with him is beyond shocking. I’d want a proper explanation, and an apology to DS. No more time alone with her or sleepovers.

What does you DH say? Or is she your brother’s wife?

Shes more than overstepped- there isnt even mark!!!!!!! 1)wtf hs it got to do with her? 2)how dare she? 3) hes 11- ANY sexul ctivity\preference is not until 16.
i would have swung her.
unless your son confided/aasked led questions she a witch

Meh. It’s a bit weird.
But what you said about being only a child - by 11 you know. Imagine if she’d picked up on something you hadn’t and she was the first adult that made it ok and gave him space to talk. I think I’m being a bit generous here because giggling is weird and it sounds like it wasn’t the way I’m suggesting, but kids by 11 do get a good idea of who they fancy.
I think it really sucks that gay kids have to ‘come out’, and that it’s seen as so exciting by adults who really should get a bloody grip and not be interested in the sexuality of other people’s kids.

Assuming this didn’t come up in general conversation and your DS didn’t initiate it I would be bloody furious .

1. it’s no one else’s business what his sexuality is 2. she’s crossed a massive boundary - she has no idea what discussions you’ve already had with your son and seems to have embarrassed him
2. She probably had suspicions for whatever reason and her need to confirm them is greater than your DS privacy .

I would ask her to keep sex and sexuality out of conversations with your DS as it’s inappropriate and none of her business.

Why do the parents need a shake. The kids are in class talking to each other arranging to meet up at the shops or swimmers or football pitch to hang out - they call it dating. They may hold hands shock horror. High school is literally a couple of months away. How do you stop kids "dating" ban them

I am invariably suspicious of adults who want to talk to children about sex unless asked.a.question.
As for asking your son if he's into boys she may well have put a worry in his mind that there.is something gay about him or that there is something wrong with being gay.

It might be an idea to avoid sleepovers at.her house for a while. You might tell her that your son was embarrassed by her questions and that she had better cut it out.

no its a very personal question. If I was asked this question as an adult I would say its none of their damn business.

Kids this age can find all the sex and sexuality stuff so confusing she was totally out of order asking him and I would be furious.

yes but its not HER business.

Even if it was innocent family banter, which I doubt, the laughing at his embarrassment pushes it right into spiteful bullying.

Not in my family either. Children are as worthy of respect as adults.

OP doesn't say that the SIL giggled at her son, only while speaking to OP about it. Could it be that your son has said something to her which has made her suspect he may be gay (a bit like a previous poster who said her niece wanted to ask her a few questions about sex Ed) and SIL is kind of giving you the heads up...and feeling a bit embarrassed hence the giggling?

in that case surely you would go very gently? answer questions but not questions like "Are you attracted to boys"

Unless there is some additional context here, I would say no it's entirely inappropriate. Of course 11 year old children are on the cuap of puberty and may feel attractions to others but that doesn't mean people need to go around asking children of that age whonthey are attracted to. It's age inappropriate and also just generally inappropriate. Why did she ask about boys and not girls? Does she suspect he is gay? If that is the case, it still isn't appropriate. I have nephews of a similar age and it's just not something I would ever think to ask. If when they were older I suspected they were struggling with their sexuality I may have a quiet word with my sister, and make it known I am always available to talk.

What does she care? It's 100% none of her business and she's totally crossed the line there. YANBU

It's awful because what if he is but isn't ready to talk about it? Especially as it sounds like she was asking as a shit joke. It's none of her business.