He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

Tell him ' when we agreed for you to move in, I did not expect you to turn into a cocklodger. Since now I no longer want the cock part of the arrangement, as your freeloading attitude has clamped my fanny shut. You have until x day to move the fuck out of my house'.

Can your DB AND BIL be at yours tomorrow night or Saturday morning? Can you steal his key back off him so you can save yourself cost of changing the locks (if you don’t think he’s had a spare cut already?)

I wonder why his previous relationship failed...

Its sensible to ensure someone is there if he has a temper ask for the key back but have a lock Smith lined up to change the locks same day (back door too if you have an accessible garden)

But don't be having a little conversation with him OP. I know your hurting but he's showing you his cards which are all flashing red!

Get your brother, or whoever round, and get him out ASAP. What a cocklodger

Do this, and do it soon! Not 'speak to him about moving out', or ask him to move out if that's all right. NO. TELL HIM HE'S DUMPED AND NEEDS TO LEAVE.

He's rubbing his hands together with glee at this nice little set up he's landed in

He’s only developed one since moving in! He was just a bit moody before.

Tell him he has until the Saturday night to get out. Then get your family round and literally throw his stuff out the door and change the locks.

he has no rights and can’t make you let him stay but what he can and will probably do is suddenly turn on the charm, promise you the earth to try and manipulate you into letting him stay. When that fails he’ll try and guilt you about his son.

do not give in. He didn’t give a shit about you and your kids. I bet he started suggesting it would be nice to live together and that he could see a future with you about 5 mins after he found out that your ex pays the mortgage

He has a real temper on him so why the fuck..

Get the brothers over and get him out.

You say he’s got a temper. My advice to avoid him refusing to go - as if he has a choice - is to book the locksmith first. When you know the locksmith is booked in to change the locks, get your DB or BIL around and then tell him. It’s not your problem where he goes. He can use all the money he’s saved for 6 weeks to rent storage and an air bnb while he looks for a place. He’ll have had the deposit from his last rental place back and sitting in his account. He’s treating you like shit and that’s the consequence.

You didn’t think he’d be a cocklodger either did you? Definitely call db and bil immediately do not tell him alone or be along with him afterwards.

Stop being naive and kind. Get angry get him out and be safe.

Ewwwww.. what a scummy man . Throw him in the bin - absolute rubbish!

please, for the love of God, find another man to settle down with

Good luck OP. Definitely better to know early what he's actually like and get rid before your lives become more enmeshed.

Bollocks - he always had a temper but you chose not to see it. This is why you don't love in after only 18 months. You still don't really know him.

Where the fuck is your self respect? Kick this useless freeloader back out again.

ask them both to come. make sure they stay while he packs his stuff and then you get your lock changed

Wow just wow, didn’t even read all of your post before I got to the “he thinks he should only just pay for food he eats himself “
Yeah he thinks you have mug tattooed on your head.
Freeloading cocklodger.
He’s got that well played, somewhere to have his kid over and free board and lodgings for himself.
Get rid of this joker.

OP, does he go out to work? If so, take a day off yourself, arrange beforehand to get a locksmith round, unless your good at DIY and can change the lock yourself. Then put all his stuff out the door. If at all possible, arrange for a male relative, neighbour or friend, to visit just at the time he's due home, just in case he tries to break in, in which case dial 999.

You don't have to put up with this, and I'm sure that you can get the name on the Council Tax bill changed, but either way, he's basically just a (cock) lodger, and has no rights, as he has no Tenancy Agreement, and you own the house.

Get rid of him a.s.a.p. and put this mental blip behind you. You and your family deserve so much better, and he's basically just a con man, who under other circumstances would probably be done for fraud.

Make sure you come back and tell us what happens.

You absolutely should not be giving him a month's notice! He can be gone tomorrow, he had no legal standing in your home at all.

"It's not costing you any more"

You hear that so often.

Sharing your house should mean that you both benefit.

Sharing bills you would otherwise pay alone, should mean that both your living costs are substantially reduced.

The only one benefiting here is him.

At your expense.

Chuck him out now OP.

The brass neck of him.

@Onceuponacookie Get this arsehole out of your house and out of your life right now.

This …..

Why don't you get one of them to come over tonight and get him out? I wouldn't spend one more night with the cunt!