He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

You absolutely must have somebody with you when you have the conversation that he needs to go and also when he does actually go. Chuck his stuff in bin bags if you have to.
You must change the locks.
Then carry on with the rest of your life knowing that you did the right thing.

💯

Cocklodger of epic proportions! Please for the love of god get rid!!

I sometimes think we need a Mumsnet eviction force for these situations.
Send the team round to support and see it through.

There was another thread a while back, I think OP was a widow and house fully paid by life insurance. The boyfriend was eyeing up her financial security and suggesting she should pay for him and his children to come on the summer holiday and her own older children should pay their way instead iirc. The replies were much like this.
Hope she dumped him.

When are you going to tell him, OP?

Boot him out. You are an utter numpty for even letting this wanker stay for a week never mind six.

What kind of man wants to live in a house paid for by his girlfriend’s ex-husband and be kept by his girlfriend’s wages and her children’s maintenance (paid by her ex-husband)? A user, that’s who.

He has no respect for you and is laughing up his sleeve, cannot believe his luck.
All that’s left for you to do for him is bloody well bend over!
Waste not another moment, he’ll have plenty socked away - feck all outgoings for the past 6 weeks so no need for sob stories and delays when you tell him to pack. I also would not be swayed by offers to pay his way if you tell him to move out - he has shown his cards; not to mention he’s a lazy bastard expecting a housekeeper (and that’s while paying nothing, can’t imagine what he’d expect if he was forking any money out!)

He’s here for a free ride. Kick him out now.

He's a waster op, sadly there are many men like him out there and it utterly boils my piss! I had the misfortune of meeting someone like him recently. He basically made a whole story up about being self employed etc.. then he was living with his parents rent free so he could save for his own place... truth was he was a bum who sleeps in until lunch time and rows with his mum when she tells him to sort himself out. The man was 45 ! I nearly joked with my son earlier that if he tidied himself up a bit he could become a cock lodger as a future plan but i thought better not. Broke men like this are very unattractive.

Yes this sequence of events is best - start Googling locksmiths and get one booked for tomorrow. If he works you need to have it done before he gets home tomorrow night and get your DB and BIL there ready for him to try his key in the door. Have his stuff already outside in bin bags so he can call a taxi and fuck off quickly and block him on your phone. What an arsehole.

Don't give him a month's notice. You need to give the nasty fucker 10 mins notice and that's more than he deserves.

I'd be tipping his stuff out the window but I'm probably more erm hot headed than you.

I bet he started suggesting it would be nice to live together and that he could see a future with you about 5 mins after he found out that your ex pays the mortgage

This in spades. It's all a bit Debbie McGee.

I'd be leaving his bags on the front doorstep for him when he'd finished work. He can use the money he's saved freeloading off you to stay in a hotel until he finds his own place!!!

Clear cut case of dump him and kick him out. He’s using you. No man worth being with would think it’s acceptable to contribute zero in this situation.

This. Completely irresponsible for you not have done the absolute basic thing and sat down and discussed the exact logistics with him. Clearly you were not thinking about your kids.

He has no rights .. get your db / to get him to leave . Where he goes isn’t your problem . The longer he stays the harder it will be

He needs to be out ASAP. Get reinforcements in. Don't be afraid to call the police if that temper surfaces and you feel even slightly threatened in any way. He's a nasty user and abuser.

I’d be hoofing him out.
Not even over my dead body would he be living with me.

I can’t believe he laughed at the suggestion that he should contribute beyond his own food: When someone shows/tells you what they are about, believe them.

You need to tell him that he needs to look after his own family and you will look after your’s. In different houses and with no ongoing relationship.

He says, he’ll pay when your kids have gone…when your ex doesn’t pay the mortgage/CM. He’s a chancer.

Too many red flags. Get rid in the morning. Personally I'd tell him as ex H pay bills he needs to move back out immediately.

Get DB or someone to call round casually to borrow something and not leave. Take keys off him.

I'd probably finish the relationship due to temper alone. But you may want to wait so not no provoke him until he's gone.

Do not worry about where he'll go. He's live rent free so is cash rich to rent somewhere/stay in an air B&B

I also.reckon he'll have told you a story about his ex that is miles from the truth.

Get rid of him. He's a freeloader. Not a proper man.

Jesus Christ, read this back OP. You need to dump him, he’s a waste of space.

Congratulations you’ve got yourself a cocklodger.

Tell the freeloading prick to pack his bags and he came where he came from.

Presumably he had living expenses before he lived in? Piss taking twat

It's irrelevant that your ex is paying for things. The money your boyfriend isn't contributing is money being taken out of your pocket that you could be saving or putting towards your kids.

Tell him he needs to go. And if he promises to change / suddenly agrees don't fall for that. You've already seen his true face which will inevitably come back if you give him the benefit of the doubt.

Wait til he is out, change the locks and then tell him it’s over - have his belongings ready on the doorstep with family member nearby for you.

How utterly ridiculous of him.

Purely for the sake of his child who is not at fault I would perhaps establish that the mother is not away or something and the child has somewhere to be, but essentially what he does now is not your problem at all!