He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

This doubleplus!!!

@Onceuponacookie OP don't give him any notice. tell him to be gone first thing tomorrow. if you give him time to find a place etc. he will never leave, he will keep making excuses.

if he doesn't go willingly tomorrow, pack his bags and put them outside while he is out and then change the locks

This.
Any fucker can be added or removed to council tax.

Tell him and his kids to get packing...now. tonight.

6 weeks is about £600 in food alone....

Laughing at me would have been the last thing he did in my house.... so so so disrespectful

He’s livid and not speaking to YOU in your own house?!

Yeah I don’t fancy him being here for another month free of charge sulking around ignoring me because I’m sure he will be raging when I tell him.

I wish I’d never moved him in.

Not one person so far thinks he’s the one being wronged here. Not one. He agreed to contribute before moving in to make himself seem reasonable and the proposition attractive to you. Now he’s got his arse on your sofa, he’s refusing and trying to confuse you with shit half-baked illogical reasons like ‘only’ having 52 showers a year and ‘only’ needing to buy a small bit of food for himself (the selfish bastard) in six weeks. So who is funding the food, showers, lights, boiled kettles, washing machine cycles, cleaning products to clear up after him? And he can’t even be fucked to lift a finger to clean in a place he’s living in virtually free of charge by way of sharing the load? And your ex is paying for it? And he will be bringing his young child at least weekly to feed etc too? What an absolutely disgusting cheeky fucker he is. Outrageous. I’ll come round and help you pack his cases.

I said a month as I gave a month. Maybe I’m too generous 😂

Yes, I wonder how the ex might feel about him, especially if she continues to host him, and wether that might make the ex kick off about his payments?

Far, far too generous. I'd send him packing right now.

Ugh can women stop moving boyfriends into their home with their children?!

No thought for your kids.

What value is he actually bringing apart from your kids having to live with a random man wbo isn't their dad?!

COCKLODGER ALERT! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I can't believe that you've written this post and he's still there.
He has no respect for you and I doubt he has any for your children. Poor them having all this going on around them.

Apart from anything what sort of example are you setting for your children.

That it is ok to be taken advantage of, financially abused, treated like dirt and have your wishes ignored because you want someone in your bed at night?

If you don’t have self respect for yourself how will your children learn to expect respect in their relationships?

He has a real temper on him. I don’t think he would get violent but just incase I can ask my DB or BIL to come over when I speak to him about him moving out.

Why the fuck did you move a man with a temper in with your kids?

Get him out asap.

You and your teens\ Ex do not owe him a living!

OP, when you ask him to leave make sure you have someone with you if you feel uncomfortable doing it alone.

Pleaseeee don't get sucked in if he starts some "I have no where to go", "you're making my poor child homeless", "fine, I will give you some money" BS. He has shown you who he is, believe him.

Gently, OP, why indeed?

The sheer brass neck of him! It's bad enough to go back on an agreement, or if not an agreement then at least a clear assumption, and it's completely ludicrous to think he should be able to live anywhere as an adult for free tbh... But to then start criticising you and your kids... in your own sodding house?!! I don't know who the fuck this idiot thinks he is but sign me the fuck up to the list of people willing to help you chuck him out. I'll drive.

Fuck that, giving him a months notice! Tell him he needs to go now. If you think he won’t leave, change the locks when he’s at work, and then don’t let him in the house again.

Please, please follow through with getting him out!

Kick him out.

Money aside, who wants to live with a man with a real temper? Especially one that expects you to be a maid for him.

Get rid and enjoy your peaceful tidy home again.

OUT--the sooner the better. Good luck, OP.

I am so tired of reading posts on here from women with such pitifully low standards. From women who move men into their children's homes after a relationship lasting less time than a phone contract.

And yes, of course I could stop reading but then along comes another one with alarming regularity.