He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

Late to the thread, but wanted to cheer when I read of the outcome. I also had one of these, many years ago, and he was also gone within a couple of months. He didn't state his intentions quite so clearly as yours did, but they became apparent quickly enough. I came home from work one day to find him using my mixing bowl as an ashtray and firing the heating at full throttle whilst I'd been out working all day to pay the bill. To add insult to injury he'd also put his name on post-it notes on two of my kitchen cupboards, with the injuction that this was his food and I wasn't allowed to touch it. I threw him out then and there.

Brava for not putting up with these useless men and their shit. How convenient that he showed who he was so early, making things so much less complicated than they might have been. Cheerio, CL!

You have nothing to be embarrassed about, that leech does. Well done to you for nipping it in the bud! GO YOU!

Yet another cocklodger thread and even worse...has moved him in when there are young kids in the house . Good for you getting him out asap.

Did you miss the part where OP discussed this with him before he moved in or are you just ignoring that?

How on Earth does someone ALWAYS find a way to spin ANYTHING and make it the fault of the woman??? Just how??? @$$#○|€

OP, rooting for you here!!!

You are doing the right thing that man has totally manipulated the situation and it’s quite unbelievable that he thinks it’s ok not to pay anything towards his keep. He misled you so dont be embarrassed. You let him move in in good faith and he has let you down.

OP has been brave. This kind of man is abusive and counted on OP not having the guts to kick him out having moved in. Then over time he could work on destroying her self esteem and using intimidation and threats to get what he wants- a nightmare for the OP and all DCs involved.

Well done OP and don't feel embarrassed, he wasn't who he pretended to be and manipulated you into free board and hoped you would just go with it. Hes scummy.

Well done OP. Hope you are okay x

I do hope when cocklodger regales this incident to his mates that he is called out for his shoddy behaviour.

I cannot think how anyone could find his behaviour acceptable

You’re an absolute legend op. He’s done his best to dupe you but you’ve sussed him out and taken decisive action.

Please know that you have nothing to be embarrassed about. This dickhead on the other hand should hang his head in shame expecting a single mum to foot the bill for him and his child. He’s a fucking disgrace and you are well rid. Onwards and upwards op. I’m proud of you.

💪 incredible @Onceuponacookie

Don't worry about what others say, if you feel you need to say anything just say "he turned out to be a freeloading knob and I'm not running a free hotel so he's gone"

All people will think is how strong you are

Are you even allowed to move this guy and his part time kid in?

If I was the ex-husband paying for the house I would be raising it with a lawyer that my ex moved a man and another kid in with my kids and expects me to cover the full housing costs. That won't have been taken into account as part of the settlement the courts made in the past.

Of course he doesn’t have any rights.
What an extraordinary comment.
Can’t believe you’re even paying the cocklodger’s council tax but I do understand guys like this are sneaky.

Hope you get your 25% single person council tax discount back asap OP!

Presumably you previously got a 25% reduction in your CTax for being a single adult so that’s one large added expense, plus any loss of Universal Credit if you got it so he’s talking shite. Time for him to return to wherever he came from

@Onceuponacookie how did he take it??

Dump immediately.

I don’t even agree with 50-50 relationships as the woman does so much mental labour running house and children even if she works. But this is more like 80-20!!!

What is he bringing to your relationship?? It sounds like nothing

Well done. I wish I'd been as strong as you and kicked my cocklodger out. He really thought he could relax and ride the freeloading wave. What a shock he's going to have! Expect some major tantrums but stay strong, you are doing the right thing.

You didn't know he would change like this. Maybe next time a partner moves in, talk to them about contributing beforehand. If they agree then great, if they don't then they don't move in.

Perhaps you should read some of the 30 odd pages of the thread before deciding to be “harsh”

Do not be embarrassed by his arsehole behaviour!!!
If anyone asks you can just roll your eyes and say that is a whole other story, or you’re just glad you booted him out.
Fingers crossed you get no hassle from him. Don’t hesitate to call the police if necessary.

(And fwiw it took me years to see I was manipulated into marriage so he could give up his job and live off me. Which he did a month after the wedding. We live and learn!)

You are amazing and I am so impressed with your resolve. Bravo!

Bye then . . .