He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

Well done OP. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Well done. And absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about, no one will judge you honestly. If anything, you should be proud that you were decisive and didn't put up with such a horrible man for too long.

OMG this is terrible. I am so pleased you are doing exactly the right thing and packing up his stuff. What a user!

Don't be embarrassed. You loved him and trusted him. He is a snake, he showed a different side until he got his feet under the door. You gave him a chance to change and begin contributing as he had agreed - he refused, he's out. You have handled well. He is the one who should be embarrassed, trying to leech of a single parent.

This. Well done, OP.

If someone I knew was in this situation I would be in awe of their strength and ability to handle an awkward situation like this so decisively.

Well done OP, you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.

I had a rule which was I never let a man move in with me at all, I need my own space. The first man I let move in with me was my now DH as we were expecting a baby. Well done on getting him out.

Scary that people like him exist. He would go on to abuse you too if he stayed.

Don't be slow to call the police if he gets aggressive.

Don't be guilted into letting him stay until he can find another place. He's not safe to have around your kids.

No decent man would let his partner out his way and do all the housework like his mammy. He's a user and a loser. And I hope you tell everyone who knows him so its harder for him to trick other woman in future.

I am going to be harsh here... what on earth are you doing?? Why oh why do women put up with this sort of behaviour and make such poor decisions??

Women up and chuck him out unless you are one of the women who cannot do without a man - any man.

Come on you are better than this and I suspect your ex might well realise what is going on and have something to say too.

Read the OP's comments. OP has kicked him out already.

Glad you have help getting his stuff out of your house and tossing him.

He was absolutely a cocklodging, gaslighting cheeky fucker who needed to be immediately put out on his arse.

Change the locks when he is out . Box hus stuff up and leave it in the step. Have a mate round for some back up. It’s not even a conversation I’d have. He is massively taking the piss.

Keep up!

This cocklodger gives a whole new meaning to 'get his feet under the table.'

Well done op

The only person who should be embarrassed here is him. Trying to freeload not just off you, but off your ex. What kind of man would ever choose to do that except a complete and utter loser.

Beats me how he thought he'd get sway with this.

@Gettingbysomehow my guess is by ramping up the emotional abuse, grinding down her self esteem, then ramping up to physical threats and abuse so that OP would be scared and trapped. OP is escaping early, thank god.

This is a perfect example of why we should help and empower women to trust their instincts and stand up for themselves early on.

With "birds of a feather" and all that he probably has mates who are doing exactly this, and may even have been swapping tips and chortling with them over how he'd managed the same

And if so I guess he'll have to change his story now ... shame eh?

This man sounds totally un-embarrassable and also consciousless. Also the potential to be dangerous so good job you're heaving him out and getting your lock barrels changed. If you don't already have a door chain on the inside of your front door do get that installed. Use it EVERY time before opening the door when you're home.

Also I think you get get rim locks which open/close with a special key (looks a bit like an Alan key) to give you a bit more security so do think of getting one for your back door. Do your windows have a proper lock with a key? If not do consider those too. If you have french windows you can get additional security there too (some look like a car's krooklock) so he can't easily get in through there.

Tell him to get his mail redirected (can be done online on Royal Mail website). HE needs to do it as there's a fee. Any mail you get for him in the short term just return unopened with "no longer at this address" - those should be caught up in his mail redirection once he does it.

Also do ensure you change all your passwords which he may have the tiniest possibility of knowing - particularly bank and utility accounts, streaming accounts, internet router, Sky and any shopping websites like Amazon or supermarket websites/apps which he could spend on/lock you out of. Ensure they are unique.

Change the pin in on your credit/debit cards and regularly check your credit history (eg with Equifax).

Good luck OP. 🌹

Massive well done OP. Great that you are acting swiftly and decisively.

Complete cocklodger.

This.

He sees you as a free lunch.

He doesn't respect you.

It won't end well.

"Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved."
This is an easy one - "no, that wasn't the agreement you made - I don't want someone I can't trust in my house, out you go"

Good for you.

Hopefully Bullet Dodged.

You need to get this freeloading cocklodger out ASAP.