He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

You have nothing to be embarrassed about in real life @Onceuponacookie he sounds highly manipulative but good riddance to him anyway.

You have nothing to be embarrassed about, OP. When he showed his true colours you acted quickly and decisively. It sounds like you have your head screwed on and you are very wise to change the locks and have BIL around this afternoon.

He sounds mean spirited.

Sit him down and explain that you preferred a quieter house without him moved in and this situation will make you ill in the long term so it has to end now. It's early days to you can admit it was a mistake and move on with your life.

Are you for fucking real OP ? Seriously just get a grip and kick him out.

Erdinger
RTFT. You can click on see all and all OPs replies will show.
HTH

@Erdinger the OP has got a grip. Please read the thread. Manipulative people are not easy to evict. He is also potentially violent.

You've done the right thing. Good luck.

Bravo to you @Onceuponacookie, what a woman you are for seeing this man for what he is and getting rid.

Really bad advice. Do not show him this thread.

@Flatdog do you think he'd read it and see the error of his ways and have a personality transplant? 🙄

What a horrible man.

So glad BIL is helping you out. I would also need a man like this gone TODAY.

Id never come across the word before until MN but he’s a true cocklodger isn’t he?

I can’t wait to see the smile wiped off his face when he sees what being such a stingy git means and he’s left with nothing.

You are changing the locks OP? Is that right? What is a barrel?

Doesn't matter what has gone before as long as he goes. But be honest with yourself if there were signs you chose to ignore due to having feelings for him.

@Blackthorne the barrel is part of the lock mechanism which includes the part where you insert the key. changing the barrel essentially means changing the locks.

Well done so far OP. You’ve made a good decision for yourself and kids. This will also show the kids you won’t be walked over. Take time for yourself going forward.

I hope this is a fucking joke. Why would you accept this? He hasn't one iota of respect for you and you'd be nuts if you did anything other than tell him to leave.

Sorry! Hadn't RTFT.. Good for you.

I wrote a similar post a few years ago about my ex. The only bill he thought he should contribute to was 25% of the council tax as I’d still be paying the mortgage/water/electricity regardless if he was here or not.

I put up with his shit for three years!!! I remember his face when I finally kicked him out for good. He was crying as ’how was he going to financially recover from this’. I was perplexed as he hadn’t really spent a penny. He said ‘I’m going to have to go back to living with my parents, everyone else has their own houses and nobody will go out with me as I’ll look pathetic’.

Now I’m married to DH, who immediately offered to pay all the bills as it was only fair as his living costs were a lot less than living by himself.

Ex went found himself a single mum with her own house. I’ve been very tempted to message her letting her know about his secret gambling addiction.

This!!

Well bloody done!

On behave of all women everywhere in the world, well done OP!
Men around the world need to know, we won't put up with your shit.

Agree with this. Think we’ve all been guilty of not seeing red flags through our rose tinted specs before.

Sometimes it’s only way after the event you can look back and see the signs were there all along

Well done for having the courage to do what’s right by yourself and your children! You’ve shown true strength in your actions and should be very proud of yourself. A man who can think of you as a slave, leech from you, deceive you and take advantage of you when he thought his feet were under the table would have gotten so much worse with time. It doesn’t bear thinking about. You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. Being a kind and reasonable person is nothing to be ashamed of, none of what you expected of him was unreasonable whatsoever. He was lucky that you gave him the six weeks that you did. He should be ashamed for being such a disgusting low-life! Let his mother have him because that’s about all a man like that will ever be good for. He’s a total loser, but with him gone you’ll be winning.

Don't be embarrassed, he's the one that should be embarrassed!

I’m delighted that you are throwing him out op. He is vile.

Well done, what you’ve done is amazing!

Can your brother stay over at yours tonight even if you are out? He will know children are away and you should be home alone, bet he tries to come round. If your brother answers it helps put him off coming round.
even better if it was brother and BIL. He won’t be so brave.

I think you've taken on another child to be honest! Kick him out, he doesn't want you, he wants your convenience.

You know the answer. You're his free ride and meal ticket. Don't delude yourself. It's not a pretty senario but he's using you.
Either he pays you £500 or £1000 whatever per month or you tell him to leave. It will only get worse.

I really wish people would read OP updates before posting 🤣