He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

OP, I want to be you when I grow up. Cocklodger? Bye. 👋

W

OMG!
100% THIS ⬆️⬆️⬆️

Well done you, he is a cock lodger of the highest order and you’re doing the right thing by getting him out asap

Well done on your decision to kick him out OP! Please post an update once he's completely out of your life.

I can’t believe this absolute twat thinks the OP will just go ‘fair enough you’ve got a point stay here and me and the ex will bankroll your lifestyle’

And by acting like a cocklodger in plain sight, she’ll just accept it.

What an absolute tosser

Well done OP, do not be embarrassed at all, as someone famous once wrote ‘we are all fools in love’. The fact is you’ve seen him for what he is, you aren’t willing to pretend you haven’t seen that and you are putting yourself and your children first. Bloody brilliant I say.

Well done! It's going to be difficult so be kind to yourself. He'll probably start crying/emotionally blackmailing you once he realises. Stay strong, you're doing the right thing for you and your kids!

He obviously thought you were going to be easily bullied. Congratulations on showing him you're not!

Well done OP - sorted v quickly. Can’t believe the unbelievable cheek of the man (not that I’d say he is acting like a man). You will be fine - lean on your friends - tell them what has happened and you can proudly say you kicked him in to touch as soon as you realised what was going on.

You have nothing to be embarrassed about.

The most sickening thing about men like this is that the only reason they get close to you is for sex, someone to to look after them and to save money.

That was quick and decisive. I suppose the only positive is that he's shown his true colours pretty much immediately once through the door so your day to day lives are not too entwined.

Good for you for standing your ground, he's an absolute cocklodger.

If he kicks off at all call the police. Sending you positive vibes.

Well done OP for not standing for his nasty tactics to get you to back down! He showed you his true and you showed yours. You don't take bullshit!

Well,done Op! You’ve done the right thing for yourself and your children. In case he has keys to your home, you may want to consider changing the locks

Good for you for acting so swiftly!

ah well done OP! It's great to hear that you're not letting the grass grow under your feet with this arsehole. I hope he doesn't give you any trouble when he finds out and leaves you alone.

Never feel embarrassed by standing up for your principles and beliefs of not being treated like a piece of shit on his shoe.

Come back and let us know how it goes

Well done @Onceuponacookie but I think I would be a bit worried about leaving the house empty tonight? Might it be a good idea to stay with some burly backup and call the police immediately if he kicks off? If he's got a temper and he feels short changed you might need a restraining order and police involvement would make that easier.

OP you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have been taken in by a manipulator, the reason they are able to do what they do is because they are highly convincing. But you are taking swift and decisive action now you see the true man behind the facade, and for that you should be really proud of yourself. Take care and keep safe.

This bloke has got to be an Andrew Tate fanboy! !

Well done OP. Refreshing and reassuring to see someone recognise cockloding for what it is and take immediate action.

Regardless of anything else, when a man moves into the family home, he INSTANTLY becomes a male role model for your kids, even if they have a very involved father. He is, frankly, a disgrace. Good for you for taking swift action.

Op, you are awesome.

God how thick is he? If he had paid you a minimal amount he could have stayed treating you like a maid but by refusing to pay a penny he’s going to lose it all.
Please work on your boundaries. Can’t believe you moved someone in after a year and without firmly agreeing financials, etc.

Wow, I am so impressed by your decisiveness! You are definitely doing the right thing. Don’t be embarrassed telling people. I would be impressed if someone told me this.

What a nightmare. Huge well done for upholding your boundaries