He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

COCKLODGER!

Well done OP 👏. Stay strong today and never feel embarrassed about this! You're a warrior in my eyes, and a true mama bear. I've got everything crossed for you.

I would let the police know about the situation and ask if they can send a car past occasionally as you are worried about his reaction to being thrown out. He might even be known to them if he has form for this sort of thing. He was obviously looking for the chance to live rent free somewhere and its definitely not anything you've done wrong, except for being too trusting. It sounds like you've got a good family to help you. Let people know what a shit he is and you might save someone else from the same trouble as he will be looking for his next victim soon.

As he has a child he obviously has an ex. Do you know her, or of her? Was he like this when they were together and why did their relationship end? He sounds like he sort of bloke who expects "his woman" to pander to his every need and pay for his every want. I'm so glad you have decided that this is not going to be you.

Even if you visit someone for a few days, a week or whatever you would take them out for a meal or two and contribute to the groceries. If you are living with someone you pay your way, either financially or in kind with housework, gardening etc. or preferably both. You don't just buy food for yourself as if you are living in student digs with random housemates. Did he label HIS food with a hands-off notice?

You are well rid of him, enjoy being man free for a while and don't be in a hurry to hook up with anyone else too soon. You are better off being single than with the wrong man.

I’m glad he told you that he had no intention of paying anything so at least you know where you are. Can’t believe his cheek though.

I agree with pps, don’t tell any man about your financial situation unless you are getting married. Just be vague. You still have to pay the bills like everyone else even if your ex is paying the mortgage.

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. He decieved you and now you know you have taken decisive action, that's a reason to be proud of yourself, not embarrassed.

Don't give him the opportunity to talk you round, he's shown you who he is.

Even though you know it's the right thing to do I'm sure it's still painful, take care of yourself.

Well done. You’ve absolutely done the right thing. Be strong.

II’m so glad you’re kicking him out and not letting this freeloading abusive lazy twat continue like this. Good on you for protecting you and your children.

Have you got security cameras? It might be worth getting a ring doorbell and security cameras around your boundary.

I personally wouldn't leave the house. I'd ask someone to stay there with me. If he has a temper he could go in an smash things up.

Would you accept this from a friend if they moved in with you. Is his magic cock worth the financial and domestic strain he brings. Plus his high expectations on you and you kids to keep "his house" clean. Throw this one back he's not a keeper. I would also make sure you have someone with you when you kick him out. He won't want to give up his free ride and could turn nasty.

Sorry OP just realised I didn't RTT. Glad you are getting him out. Take care

He’s on the council tax.

Well done OP, although I’ve a feeling he will be running back to you, promising all sorts.

This. I believe the appropriate term is 'cocklodger'.

So pleased to see you're getting him out. I made a similar mistake before. After dating for 2 months, I shipped my then boyfriend in. I instantly regretted it. He had zero respect for my home. It took me nearly a year to get him out.

It was the threat he said he's burn my house down and kill my dog that finally made me involve the police to get him out.

Haven’t RTFT yet but from the first page this chap sounds a worse deal than still having an adult child at home.

Most adult children with a job are expected to pay at least nominal ‘keep’ and do a few chores (and we grew them inside us so obvs have a closer relationship with them than a new boyfriend).

I could imagine a freeloading live-in boyfriend upsetting the equilibrium with a financially responsible/peacefully co parenting ex too.

Well done for acting so quickly. These men are so clever and you shouldn’t beat yourself up over his behaviour. You’ve been incredibly strong and you have no need to be embarrassed

Kick. Him. Out!

👏👏👏 Bravo OP. You're my hero. I love how you're swiftly getting rid of this t-wat with the minimum amount of drama in the minimum amount of time, well done you. I'm also shocked that you saw no red flags while you were dating him, it sounds like you were in a relationship with Dr Jekyll and then mr Hyde moved in (?). Didn't a divorced man living with his parents raised any alarms? How come you didn't discussed living arrangements/bills/expenses before moving in?

This. TODAY! He is only there for a free ride in life, get rid and do it fast.

You're not the one who should be embarrassed here OP, he is! Imagine moving in with your partner as a grown man and expecting a completely free ride. Don't be at all ashamed of telling people - be proud that you realised straightaway what a loser he was and got rid asap! I'd be shouting it from the rooftops, everyone should know what a waste of space he is. Onwards and upwards!!

OP I’m sorry you’ve been taken fora ride but some people can be very convincing and savvier people than most have been deceived.
You need to save for the future when your DC leave home and you need to find alternative accommodation and that plus the fact that you have only a temporary “tenancy” on your home puts your financial situation into a more realistic light.
What this useless man has done is to also steal from your children. Did he insist his child bring everything such as clothes from his home? After all, exbf was paying her child support and likely doesn’t contribute a penny more.
Good luck with the eviction and your future.

I meant on him for to get access as council tax he’d need the number for that and I doubt he’d have that on him surely.

another thought is he on the voter role at that address too as that needs removing asap

what a totally tossy,get rid you are better than that,my blood is boiling just reading your post.wow just pack his stuff and get rid now

Well done. Take care of you. Don’t get into contact. Ignore his messages that will play on emotions.
When I read this in your post- “He says he didn’t choose this house either so shouldn’t have to pay for its upkeep. He also got angry that he has to live in my home I once shared with my ex and how did I think that made him feel?! So he expects to live for free whilst I don’t! ” You’re doing him a favour because sarcasm..it was truly was tough for him living free in your home. It’s therefore a relief for him to not be living at yours. He’s freeloading at his parents instead. What an absolute loser. Enjoy your time now free of him.

You’ve nothing to be embarrassed about. If someone told me about this happening to them I would be so impressed at how quickly they dealt with it and took back control. You are brave. X