He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

Well done OP, you'll feel better once today is over.

I don't think I've ever seen a post on Mumsnet that everyone categorically agrees on! You've got a lot of virtual support behind you, as well as offers of in person support!

Don't be embarrassed, he's the one who should be embarrassed, get him out and give on xx

He’s happy to benefit from your kids father paying his upkeep!!! Wow what a disgusting man

Don't be embarrassed. Be PROUD you've seen him for what he is and acted quickly. Better to have taken a few weeks than many years before getting him out.

Well done OP. Stay safe

Are you guy I’ve been seeing ex wife? Honestly what the heck!

Well done OP! This must be so disappointing for you. Does he still have a key? Wouldn’t want him to get in while you are away at your parents on the weekend. You’ve made the right decision and life will feel much lighter once he’s out x

Not only does he want you to pay for him but his DC too. Time for him to go, don't listen to any rubbish about where will he go, how he see his DC, just get him out

Don't be embarrassed - be proud you acted fast once his behaviour became clear.

Don’t be embarrassed be pleased you’re not letting him wipe his arse on you !

Have you actually told him or are you planning on just locking him out and be done with it, thus giving him a shock?. I hope it's the latter.

And well done. It's another life lesson that will enable you to spot future chancers a mile off. Might have been worth it just for that alone.

Well done OP- nothing to be embarrassed about, you saw his behaviour and got rid. Power to ya!

Wow it’s so bad op, I can’t beleive what he’s doing, he’s a freeloading abuser. I hope it goes well and you’re free of him asap

Well done op, and don't be embarrassed he's the embarrassment. All these broke cocklodger men are. They have no self respect .
What a shit e.g he is to his son too.

I am very worried for you. This man is seriously, deliberately, self-consciously abusive. To be so transparently and unapologetically exploitative so early in the relationship means that he really does not mean you well. He intends to harm you. He won't go without a fight. I would also be worried about reprisals.

I'm glad you have packed his things but does he have a key? I would change the locks if so. And perhaps give Women's Aid and maybe even the police a call just to log your concerns. Let him know that if there is even a hint of abusive behaviour from him you will be involving the authorities. Well done on catching this early and acting decisively to get him out.

Good God! You need to kick him out today, tomorrow at the latest.

This!

This. He’s probably planning to save as much money as he can while living with you and then he can do what he wants including leaving at any time, which is what needs to happen now. It’s not the real world to be paying nothing at all.

Don't be embarrassed OP. You should be proud of how you realised what he was like and took action so quickly. Good luck with packing his stuff up and kicking him out. Hope he doesn't give you too much hassle. Glad you have some support around you 💐

I feel so embarrassed to tell people in real life what’s happened but I suppose with men like this they are clever and if they showed their true colours at the start, no one would put up with it!

You don't need to feel embarrassed, you done two things here.
Firstly... shown that you're not someone that's going to stand there and be a push over.

Second...Shown your friends just what some people are like once the mask falls off despite thinking you know them well.

I am so proud of you dealing with this.

The only thing I would add is to speak to the local police domestic violence team to make them aware and that you are concerned he may become violent. I wonder if you can do a Clare's Law application on him?

As I said to my sister when her husband turned out to be an abusive bastard, you should never feel embarrassed at seeing the best in someone. It's a lovely trait and shows what a good person you are. And you should be bloody proud of yourself for standing up yourself and kicking him out when you realised what he was really like.

Doesn’t the OP say it was all agreed but as soon as he moved in, he announced he wasn’t paying? Or have I misunderstood her.

I haven’t read any of the replies but just kick him right back out!

Probably a bad idea if he comes and smashes windows etc. Best he doesn't go near the house.

OP you have already got some amazing advice on this thread.

What an arsehole he is. You negotiated for him to move in in good faith, in the reasonable expectation that things would be split fairly. He has just been taking the piss all along I fear, and probably planned his free ride in advance.

I'm sorry.