He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

Exactly. The work of the sahm is thought of as nothing by most people. It’s a tough job.

In which case you should have got him out the very first time he showed his temper.

Good luck @Onceuponacookie in getting this man out of your house.

I hope it doesn’t hit you emotionally too hard. What is it with a grown man that he thinks he can behave towards you as you describe?

it’s almost psychopathic.

Don’t blame yourself. You’re normal kind loving person who has been taken advantage of by a nasty man.

Apart from anything else - when you and your children are there you have to pay it all, but if it were you, him and his child he'd only pay 50:50? Does his child only eat air?

These two posts are spot on.
Stay strong op. Be ready for emotional confusion and pressure and perhaps violence when he sees his meal ticket and housing disappearing.

If that's the case, you need people there to move him out. You can't talk to him about moving and have him stay under your roof after that as it might not be safe. For god's sake get him out.

Dump immediately and move him out. I expect your financial set up was part of your attraction for him. Exploitative, freeloader piece of scum. This man is a parasite.

Pack his stuff, and show him the door

Thank goodness you are not married

..... and out he goes .......

Get the support round today.
Tell him to leave, get the key back and change the locks
No notice required....he will have to find somewhere else to stay for free!

Haven't read the whole thread yet and glad you're asking him to leave, but my mesher order said that if I lived with someone for 6 months or more then my ExH was entitled to end the agreement, so that's something to check for the future.

You've got yourself a cock lodger. Get rid.

I assume he is at work today?
Pack his stuff, put it outside then change the locks!
Job done

He’s a cocklodger taking you for a prime mug.

Rightio- tell this cheapskate to pack his bag asap.

get your kids out the way first though

no decent person would do what he is doing!

this is cock lodger-ing

why does he suddenly end up living rent free?!
why don’t you all eat together?

he is showing you very clearly that he has not moved into your family.
he has moved into your house.

i imagine your ex-husband will have a lot to say about this.
because providing rent free accommodation to another man was not what he envisaged when you agreed on him covering the mortgage

I think 6 weeks is enough for you to have a sense of what living with this man will be like and it’s clearly not the start of a well blended family.

HE NEEDS TO GO NOW!

I'm telling you that now, in capitals, to save us all 5 years of threads where he takes advantage of you and slowly wears you down to the point where you are questioning your own sanity.

When the kids are 18 and it's time for him to contribute (by is calculations), he'll leave.

Please accept that this relationship is over.

Once he leaves for work call a locksmith, changed the locks and secure his belongings outside.
If you try to talk to him and tell him it's over, he will try to cling on for dear life by offering you money and promises of change, it won't happen.
There are some men that target single mums because they know they have a place to stay and cupboards full of food.

I would tell him he needs to leave this weekend. Change the lock. Make sure you do that. You won't feel safe otherwise.
Get your brother to be with you when you tell him to leave.
A friend had this type of thing happen to her. The guy targeted her and her home. He paid nothing for his board or his child.
He was very difficult to remove and nasty turned to violence.
His behaviour would have impacted your children. I even know of one parasite who waited ten years to divorce a partner and took half of everything. He brought nothing to the household. He is living it large now on her equity.

Kick that freeloader to the kerb!

He hid his true colours.

They have now been revealed.

Change the locks now. Good riddance.

Unfortunately another cocklodger who wants a free ride.

You were naive in letting him live with you. However it’s happened, so now you have to get him out. Get your brother and BIL to help you get him out and change the locks. Sorry that it’s had to end like this.

I’m more worried about his temper than his cheapness. So I’d be making sure you had family around when you get rid of your freeloader.

Of course you don’t need to give him a months notice. Just end the relationship and tell him to go. Obviously not when any of the children are there. And not the day he is due to have his child overnight as that would not be fair on the child. Could you have a friend with you? Just tell him to move out. If he has lots of stuff you will obviously need to allow him to come back to collect it at some point. By arrangement. Again when you have someone with you. Best of luck.

Wow. You definitely need to get rid.