He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

Poor op he lied to get into your house then thought you’d put up with all that.

have a good plan for moving him out. Warn your DB and BIL, think about changing the locks.

xxxxxxx it must be a really shock !

He has no right to be there. Pack up everything into black bin liners, whilst he is at work, and change the locks. Place his things somewhere safe and dry to be collected.

He is taking you for a ride.
Be glad you are neither married, nor share children together. This will be pretty painless if you put your mind to it. I sense your teens will be relieved and delighted.

It is okay to say this hasn't worked, back to the drawing board. Freeloaders don't walk around with flashing lights on their heads, some are very good liars. Be glad his mask dropped as quickly as it did. You have a very option to get rid.

Does he go out to work? Does he have a key?

When he's out, pack up his stuff and leave on the step. Or take to somewhere like his parents and leave on their step. Change the locks. Text him that it's over and his stuff is xyz. Tell him not to come back.

This cocklodger is taking money from your children.

Bin him off without delay.

A lot of these posts have complexities that make it hard to simply 'kick him out'. It's often possible to see both sides and not know the right answer. HOWEVER, this post is not one of them. The only option here is to kick him out. There's nothing else. He sounds awful!

Have never typed the famous LTB 🤣 but you have one serious cocklodger there, sorry you need to get rid.

The OP has already answered this.

And he can move right back out again. Cheeky git

Of course, it isn't real. No one is this stupid!

This. Get him out. Your poor ex H having to bankroll another man living in his house?! Your poor kids having a random man moved in.

He’s on the council tax and that’s it so far.

And who is paying for that uplift - surely it isn't you?

MN has a name for men like this, I expect you'll find it in threads above. OP, nobody should allow themselves to fall into the vulnerable position you're in now. He and his child need to,leave. NOW. Pack his things and put them outside. You don't have a blended family, you have a parasite acquired by mistake. Get rid of him before he claims half your house.

He can easily be removed from the council tax bill. Especially if he has no intention of actually paying for it!!😑

@Onceuponacookie I can’t belief what I am reading .
You must be crazy

He is using , you , your ex husband and your kids. .

He had told you where he stands now it’s your turn .
Tell him he has to leave immediately . Even if he offers to pay a tiny amount now to save his ass it’s too late .

This man needs to move out for you and your kids sake .
He will have everything you own from you now and in the future .
Tell him to go find somewhere else that’s free to live .
He seen you coming and now you have to stand up to him.

Tell him to move out. He is clearly using you. He's told you to your face, he isn't going to contribute anything! Not a nice man at all, taking advantage of you like this.

Get your DB and BIL around not just to tell him but to get him out.
So many women on here have issues with an ex not helping to provide, but in this case you and your children have support. This man is no man if he wants to take advantage of that.
But even worse he’s taking advantage of you. Likes to keep a clean house? Tell him to go and clean his own.
It has only been a few weeks but this man sounds like he could be abusive. He’s already being financially abusive, and once that settles in add in the tantrums and silent treatment and you have a recipe disaster.
Whatever he was like before he moved in was a calculated act.
Get some support from your family and friends you are not on your own and get him out. He’s adding nothing to your life. Do it now and you are saving yourself more agg.

The reason he's not speaking to you is because he has no defence. I'd take the day off work and pack his stuff up and get the locks changed, then I'd ask two guys to wait with me for when he gets home this evening to tell him to sling his hook. I wouldn't care where he went to.

In the future do not let any boyfriend know about your financial details. Don’t tell them that you are living mortgage free, don’t tell them your income. You want a man to love you for who you are and not because you are a meal ticket.

@Hummingbird75 I am aware of that - I'm just wondering if OP is actually paying for the increase herself. I guess she will be.......

But yes, easy to get him off the register once he moves out!

This parasite is what is termed on MN a cocklodger. Don't ask him to leave, TELL him.

Absolutely. He definitely had ££££ in his eyes and saw you coming OP. I bet his eyes lit up when he realised he could live the life of Riley bankrolled by you and your ex

Hes put a lot of work into his cocklodging long game so don’t expect he’ll go quietly. Definitely get your brother, BIL and other able bodied men to help him move out and change the locks. If you’ve not already got a ring doorbell then get one installed because it’s unlikely this freeloader will give up his meal ticket without a fight.

You sound incredibly naive if you think you need to research whether you can get him out legally just because he is on a council tax bill he doesn't pay.

It baffles me that women still do this shit to their children. Luckily yours are older not like most on here who move random boyfriends in.

You need face to face counselling to work on yourself before moving another random in with your children to take the piss out of you and them.

This man will gradually erode your self esteem OP. If you let him.

If the situation was revised and a women moved in with a man what would people say then?

Women are no more special than men

They would say kick the fucker out. Just like they have here