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He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

1000 replies

Onceuponacookie · 18/07/2024 20:24

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

OP posts:
Dayoldbag · 19/07/2024 00:29

I can only imagine what the OPs children must think with this angry man now living with them.
Absolute disaster.

Waffle78 · 19/07/2024 00:33

He's cocklodging pack his bags and change the locks.

endingintiers · 19/07/2024 00:40

Kick the cocklodger out

Biggleslefae · 19/07/2024 00:56

His expectations are incompatible with yours OP, ergo: the situation will have to change!

Girlking · 19/07/2024 01:03

Drop him like a hot cake… he’s got some nerve!

Incakewetrust · 19/07/2024 01:11

I'm very much looking forward to the update where you've dumped him 💖 what an absolute cunt of the highest level!

Oodiks · 19/07/2024 01:43

Why didn't you discuss any of this before he moved in?

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 19/07/2024 02:13

Congratulations OP you’ve got yourself a cocklodger.

User628291938949 · 19/07/2024 02:18

No man falls in love quicker than a man wanting somewhere live get your control back and get him out darling you'll be better off! What a joke making out he doesn't need to contribute

Tarquina · 19/07/2024 02:30

He has a real temper on him. I don’t think he would get violent but just incase I can ask my DB or BIL to come over when I speak to him about him moving out.

This puts a different slant on things. If you are scared of him and to scared to ask him to leave, you are entitled to call the police to supervise him leaving your house. Intimidation of a Woman by a man in her own home is an offence.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 19/07/2024 02:47

Oodiks · 19/07/2024 01:43

Why didn't you discuss any of this before he moved in?

Did you have some trouble reading the OP? It's right there in the second sentence.

Nanaof1 · 19/07/2024 02:50

You allowed hi to move in so feel free to show him the door. I am sure he has saved enough money already to put down on an apartment.
Moving men in without having bill sorting figured out and in writing, is not smart.

Right now, he is nothing but a cocklodger. How embarrassing for him to be so little in mind that he actually thinks he deserves a free ride. I doubt his "endowments" live up to his ego.

savethatkitty · 19/07/2024 02:54

As everyone else has said, get rid of this loser. Pack his bags, change the locks & block!

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 19/07/2024 03:01

“It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!! Yup.

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.”

CF cock lodger.

kkloo · 19/07/2024 03:22

Get him out.
And do not fall for any "I'm sorry, I'll pay X amount crap".

He has shown you who he is and he's awful.

Horses7 · 19/07/2024 03:30

He needs to go immediately - use family help if necessary.

sashh · 19/07/2024 03:50

What exactly do you get out of this relationship?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 19/07/2024 04:01

The unreasonable part is that he is still your boyfriend. It's very sad a child is involved, but you need to kick him out and end the relationship.

momtoboys · 19/07/2024 04:06

That's a cocklodger if I ever saw one.

Cakeandcardio · 19/07/2024 04:22

You asked a reasonable question and he laughed at you. If he is willing to share the bills 50 50 when your children are 18 then maybe you should live seperatelt until then when you can have aother discussion.
I am not sure why he expects that your ex should pay for him though, which is essentially what is happening.

Petitchat · 19/07/2024 04:31

Badburyrings · 18/07/2024 20:29

Cocklodger, but why on earth did you not have this conversation before he moved in? Surely this was part of the discussion prior to him moving in?

They did.
He said he would contribute.

User016529 · 19/07/2024 04:35

Get him away from your kids asap
I would just pack his stuff and leave it out then change the locks

Giving him any notice is a recipe for disaster if he has a temper. It gives him time to do damage to your home, not to mention the potential violence to you or your kids.

This is dangerous. Get him out today !

HomeTheatreSystem · 19/07/2024 05:05

I would be very careful to tell him that it's completely over between you, rather than leave him thinking this is all about bills in which case he'll probably fling some cash at you, as if that settles it.

You moved him in after really a very short time, you don't know him that well and frankly he sounds like he could be big trouble. He is showing you enough of his temper to make you wary of crossing him. He has no right to stay in your house once you've decided you no longer want him there and what he does for a bed for the night after you've slung him out is categorically NOT your problem. If your 2 male relatives can't help, the police will.

HomeTheatreSystem · 19/07/2024 05:05

I would be very careful to tell him that it's completely over between you, rather than leave him thinking this is all about bills in which case he'll probably fling some cash at you, as if that settles it.

You moved him in after really a very short time, you don't know him that well and frankly he sounds like he could be big trouble. He is showing you enough of his temper to make you wary of crossing him. He has no right to stay in your house once you've decided you no longer want him there and what he does for a bed for the night after you've slung him out is categorically NOT your problem. If your 2 male relatives can't help, the police will.

CheekyHobson · 19/07/2024 05:29

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

LOL so easy to imagine himself as generous when he doesn’t actually have to follow through.

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