He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

And this is why relationships shouldn't move quickly when kids are involved.

You've only known him 18 months and you've moved him in with your DC and then found out he's violent 🤦🏻‍♀️ (& a freeloading pisstaker).

Get this man out of your house ASAP and you're right to have some back up there if you think he's going to kick off.

He needs to be moving back out.

Your boyfriend is a cock lodger or to put it in plainer terms he's a ponce. Tell him to leave.

Get rid of him. U don't need him, he doesn't contribute anything to your relationship apart from additional problems.

Seems his mask has slipped now he's got his feet under the table.

Good idea having someone there when you tell him to leave

He doesn't need any notice. He's paying nothing, so OP owes him nothing.

Nailed it

Get rid

Oh my he's a complete idiot isn't he? Paying half of your bills would be quite minimal costs compared to running his own home, and he's not even go the gumption to work that one out.

To be honest, I wouldn't recommend telling him. If it all kicks off it could get quite difficult. I think you should wait till you know he's gone out for a few hours, change the locks, pack his stuff up and put it outside the front door.

Never mind asking him to cough up, just boot him out of your home.

This. It's worrying you even have to ask if you're in the right. Your poor kids (and ex!)

OMG and I bet you would end up minding his child as well. He has strung you along

God he really is a shit, hiding all sorts until he moved in. Honestly, the more you add, the more I think you may be escaping a situation which was potentially going to get a lot worse. I think having your DB or BIL there when you tell him is a good idea. Frankly I don’t think you need to give him any notice, get him out on the spot.

Im sorry, this is a really shit thing for you to have to go through.

If there is a tiny silver lining, it is that you not taking his nonsense will be an excellent example to set your DC, show them that they must not take advantage nor allow themselves to be taken advantage of.

Obviously OP would be best advised to terminate this arrangement asap.
(Does anyone else have a déjà vu feeling with this thread?)

OP. He isn't on Mumsnet himself is he?
Just wondering who the 2% who thinks you are unreasonable are.....

Totally this,

You need to get rid of him now.

Because it'll only get worse.

You don’t have to give him any notice to leave. He isn’t your tenant. He isn’t even a lodger. He is a freeloader with no rights. Tell him to pack his bags and go. Where he goes is not your problem.

I agree with pp that you don’t have to give him notice. He isn’t a tenant or a lodger. He doesn’t pay anything.

He can put his stuff in storage, sleep at one of his mate’s houses or pay for a room at hostel or backpackers.

He can use the money he saved while freeloading off you.

Book in the locksmith first and charge the locks.

He is ridiculous and you must be an absolute patsy. Is the sex really worth it? He either pays or goes.

I think you’re unreasonable for moving this guy into your home that your ex pays for!!
Your single persons council tax allowance will go up now… he should pay half of that… if you claim UC that will stop…
All that aside he’s a cheeky arse hole expecting to live rent free and bill free…. Tell him it’s not working out for you and ask him to leave immediately!
He sounds like a horrible man taking advantage of you. Does he think he’s so wonderful that he’s paying you with his great company?! What a joke!

Freeloading, cocklodging, lying prick.

As many have said before me, remove him from your home and life, but keep yourself safe so please have your brother or bil there or on standby.

Get both your brother and brother in law round, take his key off him and tell him to leave immediately!! Tell him you will bag up his things and leave them outside at an agreed time or get someone to drop them round when he’s found somewhere to go!
this will only get worse!!

Don’t except a sob story, he can either sleep in his car or book a B&B with all the money he’s saved the last 6 weeks!!

He is a selfish manipulative shit. He is treating you appallingly. You and your kids deserve better.

I wouldn't give him any notice. I'd invite your brothers round, get your kids out for the day, tell him it isn't working, it's over and he has to leave immediately. Locksmith same day.

He'll been an aggressive shit whether you give him no notice or 6 months notice so just do it. Your kids will be grateful.

Also think about getting a ring doorbell, if only to put him off coming back and hassling you later.

I wish your strength and courage. There are better days ahead.

Or when he leaves for work have a locksmith come out and change your locks. Once changed text him and say it’s not working out and you’ll be packing up his things and he needs to find somewhere else with immediate effect!