He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

don’t get too cold in minority corner

Get rid.

I can't believe you asked him what he wanted to contribute rather than telling him!

Who does his washing? Who feeds everyone? Who cleans?
Where is he sleeping?

What the hell is your ex going to say about subsidising him?

Where is your self-respect?

Pack his shit when he goes to work tomorrow, change the lock and leave his stuff on the street. Cheeky Fucker

Really? He would be put back out without a second thought with that attitude! Get rid and up your game for for a future partner.

@nellyroser reported you for being a goady troll

he is a cocklodger and you are his cash cow, get rid asap and tell him why, what a chancer!

Please read back what you've written. How on earth are you even giving this freeloader the time of day, let alone pretty much financially supporting him and getting absolutely nothing in return.
You are allowing this cock lodger to completely disrespect you in your own home, and in front of your children.
You need to take your key back (change the locks) & slam the door shut on this chapter of your life.
He sees you as his own personal cash cow, not a partner. Get rid!!

Do explain.

I'd be changing the locks next time he's in work. And dumping all his stuff on the doorstep!

I have a lodger who pays £650 a month.

I know it's different with a partner but that is the general cost of a room including bills .

Does it invalidate the agreement with your ex to pay the mortgage if someone else lives there? I know that is the case with some peoples agreements.

He has gone back on what he has said and he is being unreasonable. You need him to leave now. Even if he suddenly stumps up a few hundred pounds it's too late as he has tried to take money from you and your children.

If you aren't short of money then the money could be saved for driving lessons/ uni for the kids or an emergency fund for you/some savings for when ex is not paying the mortgage.

He isn't a nice person to have done this to you

Buy new cylinders for your locks (they're cheap and even I can swap them in five minutes) and have DB or BIL bring a screwdriver when they come round to help boot him out. Then once he's out, swap the cylinders.

Don't talk to him about it. You will give him a chance to talk his way around it, or linger for even longer than is needed.

In the morning, you need to:

• Make sure he is away to work/left the house then call your own work for emergency leave
• You need to call a locksmith who can come ASAP to change the locks on your doors
• You pack as much of his belongings as possible and leave them outside the door
• Call for back up from DB/BIL and tell them you need their assistance. If they can't get to you before he comes home, you ask if you can stay at their house until they can accompany you
• Arrange for your kids to be away during this time with a family member/friend as they don't need to see this pan out
• Along with your support, you greet this freeloader outside of your house, you tell him his belongings are outside the door and he has to leave tonight. If there is anything left, you will arrange DB or BIL to take them to him over the weekend
• Tell him bluntly that your relationship is over, he is leaving your house immediately and you do not want any further contact

If he calls/tries to contact afterwards, you ignore the calls/texts but keep them logged. If he lands at your door, you tell him to leave without opening the doors etc and if he doesn't, you call the police.

Make sure your doors are locked 24/7 and consider installing some cameras/ring door bell if you havent already!

Tell him that living together isn't working for you and you want to go back to living separately while continuing the relationship (if this is what you want).

Also - what a nasty cheeky fucker..

book the locksmith asap, get his stuff packed and invite your burly relatives to yours.
Tell the cocklodger he’s leaving in half an hour.

Get rid of him. What a freeloading twatt!

GET. HIM. OUT!!!!!! PLEASE!

I'm a bit worried that the OP is going to quit this thread, having been called a 'numpty' and other fairly nasty things, and not get it together to chuck the bloke out (because he said 'no') and we'll see her in 6 months or a year with a much worse tale to tell.

Take tomorrow off. Pack his things when he leaves for work and text him they will be outside the house at 6pm for him to pick up. Get DB or DBIL to be there too.

Definitely get a locksmith in.

Check your agreement regarding the mortgage. It's usually written in that another partner can NOT live there with you. Don't lose your house over a golden cock ever.

Get it sorted tomorrow. Rip off that plaster.

Change the locks then send a message and leave belongings outside. He's not paying, he's not on any paperwork saying he owns or has legal entitlement to the house, he sounds unhinged and you have yourself and the childrens safety to consider. Would inform him and not let him back in your property once informed.

Have a couple of people there for the time you expect him to be collecting belongings and film&call police if required (I know that sounds extreme but you don't know what may occur)

I voted YABU.

This was allowed to go unmentioned for 6 weeks.
He has started displaying 'a temper' in the OP's children's home.
He's laughing at her in HER HOME. The home her children's father is paying a mortgage for them to live comfortably in.

AND she hasn't thrown him out. She's being bloody unreasonable.

Well he has shown you who he is so now you need to get him out I’m afraid. You’re allowed to be hurt, shocked and upset. This is nasty and it’s always awful when someone turns out to be something other than what you thought. On the plus side he’s shown is colours early so you can act now.

This. Do not expect him to play nice. You already know he won’t. You already know that he feels entitled, so he will not be a happy bunny at his nice little set up being taken away.

Get rid of him now. He planned it!

I would be calling 101 for support to get him out.
You have brought angry scum into your home.
Gather his shit together and get him out.
It is terrifying to believe you would move someone in who clearly thinks you are a mug, who is now a bully and thinks he can live for free at your expense.
He 100% thinks you are desperate for him.
How unbelievable.
Get family to help get him out, but ring the police at even a hint of aggression.