He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

Kick him out! Of course he should at least be paying towards bills and food for him and his DC and doing his fair share of housework!

Not to mention a cleaner and housekeeper on hand so he doesn't have to lift a finger. He's a cocklodger and angry too boot, time to get rid.

Wow! He's a CF!! I don't think he's going to go easily, I'd change the locks on him if it was me.

Fucking hell, OP. How can you respect anyone who behaves like this. He’s using you. Kick him back out. What a joke.

He doesn't contribute to bills, food or rent. He doesn't do any chores at all in the house, doesn't take you out at all, quite critical and expects a clean house, quite a temper on him and I'd suppose you offer childcare services too. Audacity must be on steroids! And you are still asking if you are being unreasonable. You being incredibly unfair to your kids even you didn't want to consider yourself.

Hope you get him out quickly OP, but a bit sad to see so many tales like this. It's surely a big deal, or should be, to move in with someone especially when there are kids involved. Why are so many in such a rush to do it?

You should invite db and Bil for breakfast

good luck

Kick that cocklodger right out - do it now quickly before they get ensconced in your home

reconsider whether this is the kind of man who makes a good partner … I suspect you can do MUCH better

You've been had OP. He saw you coming.

Tell him to clear out. Fuck Off.

If he gets nasty ring Police.

When he's out change locks and block him.

Do this NOW for your kids.

@Maria1979 the victims are the children who have no say about living with someone they don't know, has no relation to them, but have to put up with it because mummy wants her boyfriend there.

Op had and still has the responsibility and choice here.

Hope the eviction goes OK, OP.

Yes he has moved in for a free ride. I hope you are not going to give him one. And 18 months is too soon to be moving a man in with your children, especially when he is bringing a child with him. I'm sorry but I despair at the number of mothers who insist on inflicting a virtual stranger on their children.

Put the freeloading poor excuse for a man out and change the locks.

Dear God 🙈

I’m really sorry. But I have to ask

• are u very young?
• do you have any life experience?
• are you easily taken for a ride?
• do you know what a cocklodger is?

Kick him out, do not move another man into your house.

You don't want your children to subject your children to any more hostile atmospheres.

Keep a cool head. You don't need to kick him out tonight. Get everything ready.

Can you book some emergency leave? Tell your DB and/or BIL that you need some back up as you want him out the house.

Get a locksmith. Change the locks when he's at work (doesn't work from your home, does he?).

When he gets back, inform him of your decision. Let him pack some clothes. Make him go. Decide if you want to pack up his stuff or if you will let him back at an arranged date to collect the rest of his belongings. Have someone there if you do let him back in.

Breathe a huge sigh of relief that you've dodged a major bullet and will not have to put up with his nasty temper or freeloading ways.

Wow, just wow. This thread’s been up for 1 hour 45 minutes. I’ve never seen so many comments all in complete agreement on any post on Mumsnet. Hope you are taking this in OP. This proves entirely you only have one reasonable course of action.

Never mind if you feel silly for moving someone in then back out so quickly. People would judge you far more harshly for undervaluing yourself and keeping your kids in such an unfair situation if they knew the facts. Just get him out.

As soon as he leaves in the morning, gather his things, put them outside, and get the locks changed. Don't ever allow him back in again.

It's staggering that you have allowed this to go on for six whole weeks. What an absolute disaster. He needs to go NOW.

Is your partner by ex, as he was like that.

I had it for 3 years. He’d buy himself expensive stuff. I made him replace the dryer and the fridge when they broke. But he saved himself shit loads of money as he wasn’t paying rent, council tax, gas, electric and internet. I also cooked and cleaned. He’d come home, have his tea, fuck off upstairs and play his games like a 15 year old.

Don’t put up with it. Tell him to move out. No “please can you start paying” just “sorry, it’s not working” he won’t change!

Looking back now I can’t believe I let it happen. I used to buy him food for his old home and cook there too. I was a massive mug. He was so manipulative and I used to feel bad for asking.

It's only going to get worse and soon you will be doubting your sanity if you haven't already.. ask him to leave asap. Watch all the tears and promises come.. don't fall for it. He needs to go.

Given there are children involved, you’ve moved him in very quickly. Get him
out and don’t make the same mistake again.

I'm no expert but I think after a period of time he will have occupancy rights so the sooner you get him out the better. Have a chat with a solicitor. Please get rid of him OP.

This man saw you coming 100 miles off. Kick him out.

But it is costing you more - at the very least you have lost the single person council tax discount and unless he sits in the dark or is never in a room by himself the electricity will have gone up.