He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

Good idea, I think you definitely should, but also, what happens between telling him and his actual leaving?
Perhaps its best he move there and then, eitherway you need a plan and others involved.
Good luck!

Ah, felt able to drop the mask and show you who he really is. Depending on you to be too afraid to throw him out.

"He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage."
Clearly, this was always his plan.

"I don’t think he would get violent but just incase I can ask my DB or BIL to come over when I speak to him about him moving out."
I would ask both of them to come over - and they can help him move his stuff out. I am being perfectly serious here. The only alternative is for your brother/BIL to stay over, because you should not be alone with a man with a temper with reason to be angry. I take it it's just clothing/personal effects, no furniture? It should all fit in his car. If not, I'd entrust what can't go in his car to your brother or BIL, so that he has no reason to come back for his stuff.

And change the locks. Maybe get a chain too. Seriously.

I came on to say exactly this!
Read your post back OP, just read what you are putting up with.
You are being taken advantage of, get rid asap. He's a disgrace.

Bloody hell!!!

Get him OUT op. Even if he has a sudden change of heart don't change your mind and say he can stay. He's despicable.

Have someone with you when you ask him to leave.

He developed a temper in just 6 weeks? Come on, be truthful at least because your entire story doesn't add up. Remember it's you who thought someone you dated for ONLY 1.5 years was long enough to move into your kids home. Poor , poor decision on that alone. You say he was 'moody', even that didn't stop you from bringing that around your kids? I think you let them down badly. This man didn't do a 180, you knew he was something like that but 'hoped' for the best at the expense of your children. I think you should do right by them and kick him out asap.
I

If he is still living with you in 72 hours then it's your own fault. Don't be a doormat.

Are you a man by any chance? Because if you arent then you must know by now that exploitative men like these dont show their true colours until its too late,
obviously.
Frankly thats a pretty shitty comment in the circumstances

LTB

If he’s this awful so early in what the hell would he be like after a year, 2 years? It’d be hell for you and your kids.
I agree with pp who suggested booking the locksmith, then getting a couple of male family around to move him out. If he contacts you after this call the police.

You must be loads worse off, you'll have lost the single person discount on the council tax and do you not get some universal credit as a single parent?

I'd get him out tonight, what a dickhead he is.

Isn’t he the gift that keeps on giving! Get them both round, and tell him to pack up and leave white they’re there, and hand his keys back too.

So sorry this has happened OP, hope you can get him out asap.

Do not give him a months notice he needs to be gone now.

He has 6 weeks savings he can go to a hotel.

One word: LOL

His bags packed and he leaves immediately - as in right now. No notice needed. Get your brother there and get the keys off him. He’s a loser. He should be contributing. Your dh could say that he will sell his part of the house now that you have loser partner living there. This will make you and kids homeless if you can’t pay half and the mortgage. The kids dad can still pay child support but at a lower level than the comfort you have now. Is this partner worth deleting your comfort for? The loser who says he won’t pay his share? You have a nice home and life and don’t need this man and his child(get ready for his kid to be moving in) ruining your life and that of your own kids. He can pay to live somewhere else.

@Omlettes don't be too quick to dismiss accountability for her own actions.

Moving a man into her children's home after ONLY 1.5years

Having no set discussion about exact contributions

Knowing he is 'moody' but suddenly he has a temper that's out of character

Op had a lot of choice here, SHE brought this man into her kids lives after 5 min. She is the only one responsible for doing that to her kids.

He saw you coming. He leaves tomorrow and you change the locks.

Every additional penny you've spent having him there is a penny less for your DC. Have nothing more to do with him.

What is it with some people that think they are so special they don't have to pay their own way?

Ah, he's an unwanted house guest then.

Get some friends round and boot his arse out. He doesn't even have the rights a lodger would have.

Dump his shit outside, change the locks. Job done.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could all go round and help OP get rid of the fucker.

We could set up a MN group to get women free of these bloody cocklodgers.

This about him saying he's not paying for you and your kids. I'm sure you weren't expecting him to.

But he doesn't even pay for himself.

I've read this before, pretty much word for word.

I realise in MN land one must have had a relationship with someone for at least a decade before they even clap eyes on the kids, never mind move in...

But in what way does that change the fact that the OP needs to get shot of this cocklodger immediately?

Victim blaming, not very nice. Op might have been naïve but she is not the villain here. Some people are really good at charming their victims, once they get what they want they show their true colours.
Get the brothers and the locksmith over OP and tell us when this cockroach is out of your house💪

Becareful about moving in partners and id check the details of your ex paying the mortage until your youngest is 18. This is why this orders don't work your ex shouldn't be funding your new dp and his child alot have situations like this written in where by this prohibited or they stop the payments and your made to sell.

I'm a solo mum with a kid - adult now.

There's no way in hell I would ever have moved a new man into my home while my kid lives there. It's his safe space, mine too.

Sorry you're going through this OP. Luckily you have family men who can come and enforce it.

I'd still change the locks though after he's gone. Who knows, he may have made a spare.... (sounds devious enough, having an attitude like that).

Straight out of the cocklodger’s playbook. In a way he’s done you a favour by making this so fucking black and white that the decision should be easy and you need never look back.

He doesn’t sound very nice at all though … perhaps call Women’s Aid for advice on how to break the news to him?