To be annoyed that I get glared at for having a blue badge

[Sparklebelle1024]

I try not to let it bother me but I’m young ( 35) and I have a blue badge because I have a few health problems which put me into the category of disabled and entitle me to pip and a blue badge. I do work (only part time as that’s a struggle but I do it for my own mental health but I think even that might have to go soon but I’m trying to last as long as I can) and almost every time I pull my car into the disabled spaces I get dirty looks and “badge checked” by the older generation and it’s ALWAYS older people !! It’s like younger folk can’t have disabilities!! Yet I can literally go from being okayish one day to hospitalised the next (I have a very understanding manager) and my car is a lifeline. I do try to brush it off but today I had a run in with an older man and he asked to see the photo on my badge to prove it was mine, I obviously told him he’s not entitled to that information and it’s not an elderly badge it’s a disabled badge and I cried when I was driving home.
it’s not fair…. I’m sick of being judged because I’m not “old” and don’t “look disabled” whatever that should look like. I know it shouldn’t bother me but it really genuinely does. So AIBU to be annoyed at being judged by the older generation because I use a badge I’m legally entitled to??

You can repeat the words “harangue” and “harass” as much as you like, it doesn’t mean that I have ever suggested anyone do either of those things.

A bloke shouting from his car to strangers is harassing.
He is doing it to challenge people that is the whole point of the interaction.
Many people with disabilities on this thread have highlighted that they dislike this experience when using BB spaces.

You kind of have/

To be fair you actually are but justifying it by saying it’s always blokes and he’s always right. Which I’m not really sure anyone is buying. The point people are making is hidden disabilities are a thing, blue badges are visible and disabled people do not wish to be challenged, harassed, or harangued. They have as much right to use the space as your brother and do not need to justify themselves to him.

That’s fairly useless if you are a disabled person who needs the space. You have to ask them there and then so they will move if they don’t have a badge. If, on the way back to his car my brother happened to notice a badgeless car parked in a neighbouring BB space I’m not sure he’d care all that much about reporting it tbh

That does not say at any point that he only does this if the other person does not have a badge displayed, and at no point earlier did you say that on a thread about people who do have their blue badge displayed being hustled and harassed about if they are entitled to park.
Please can you just accept that you have accidentally misrepresented what he does and doesn't do and have then expected others to be mind readers. Consequently people are saying your brother has no right to be doing what you have implied he does.

“to be fair”? In what way are you being “fair”?

I think you maybe need to look up “harass” and “harangue” in the dictionary.

It’s bleeding obvious that he would not ask if he could see the badge. Doesn’t have to be stated.

Zebedee999 · Yesterday 20:49
YABU.
OP I don't see your issue. My elderly mother has a blue badge and gets frustrated when the disabled space she uses is occupied by someone not entitled to it”

OP is entitled to hers. It’s irrelevant what your mother thinks.

Ok. You’re now coming across as very irate. Please take the message the way it is intended, disabled people come in all guises, and they do not like to be challenged on using a space they are entitled to use. There is no way your brother always gets it right, no way, so he is causing people distress.

You said that he cannot always see the badge. So, why is that the problem of the BB holder? They have a right to put their badge on the dashboard and leave without your brother asking questions .

IF you are telling the truth about your brothers behavior, then as a fellow wheelchair dependent user, who also often can't see others dashboards and if they do or do not have a badge displayed and does not have the ability to get out and check and then be able to still do what I came to do, your brother asking others if they are entitled to be there based on his decision of how disabled they do or don't look in his opinion, is being an arse, even if it does mean he sometimes gets a space out of his entitled behavior.

No it isn't. There are plenty of highly entitled disabled men harassing others especially women, because they feel safe to do so.

I get this when I use public accessible toilets, which I have to because I travel for work- I can't just wait till i get home. I get the looks, the mutters and often if there's a queue, I can people pushing in front of me because I look very young and they assume I'm not disabled. I've asked a lot of shops, centres etc to add the 'not all disabilities are visible' sticker. Like others, I recommend you add some stickers to your car. You shouldn't have to but it can help. That or sarcastic comments to those glaring at you...

Hold on. Let’s not go down the route of suggesting that my brother sees a badge but decides just to harass women because gets a kick out of it. That is below the belt.

Yes, men tend to think they rarely make the wrong call when it comes to their behaviour towards women.

and rarely tell stories about how they got it wrong.

I’ve had to tell DM off a few times for her ignorant comments! She has 1 DGC with ADHD, 1 with ADHD and Tourette’s and 1 with ASD so she should know better. Only last week she watched a woman park in a disabled spot and said “does she look disabled to you?” I did firmly remind her that not all disabilities are visible, you know, like your Grandkids!!

You are the person who did not describe your brothers practices correctly in the first place.
You then doubled down claiming we should all know what kind of man your brother is and how he would only do this to those without a badge.
You then said what I already know but wasn't going to raise, which is much of the time he has no way of knowing if they have a badge or not, because that's the reality for those of us in wheelchairs.
Now you're trying to say we must assume your brother is a nice man who behaves well when you've already told us how he doesn't.

Disability doesn't turn men into saints. Entitled disabled men are every bit as shitty as entitled able bodied men, to everything from other peoples parking spaces to other peoples bodies. Disabled women put up with a great deal of crap from them because we get they're often compensating, but they don't get a free pass over pretending otherwise.

Your brothers behavior IF you are correctly describing it, is already below the belt, so I have no reason to automatically assume your disabled brother not to be one of the highly entitled men causing disabled women problems. You are the one doing all the describing of him and his behaviors.

I think you are now projecting rather a lot so I’m off. All the best.

Nope, I'm running with what you wrote, but All the best too.

Your brother needs to get a job as a traffic warden.

Excellent post.

I'm not a wheelchair user, but I am sufficiently disabled enough that I can't get in and out of my car and check if all cars in BB spaces facing away from me are correctly displaying badges.

I know how crap it is as a disabled and Autistic woman. I know how crap it is to be questioned and challenged in any way. It can and does have a profound effect on both myself and my daughter who is also disabled and Autistic / ADHD.

If I ever had an issue with blue badge users or spaces, I'd complain to the organisation directly or campaign for more spaces.

As a member of the public and a blue badge holder, I would never challenge people who are potentially perfectly playing their badges. If I can't see that, that is not their problem.

A man should be acutely aware if and when he challenges disabled women how it could impact them. It is absolutely not on.

And I've read more than enough detail of how exactly this presents in the case on this thread, to not be swayed on that front.

Good.

RainbowZebraWarrior
Thank you. I hope the thread stands and people will be able to go back and see exactly what was written.
How it developed, the opportunity to accept it needed rewording, and the simplicity of why no one regardless of our visible levels of disability or lack of them, age, gender, etc has any entitlement or right to demand of others with a blue badge that they answer to them.
If our disability prevents us from being able to see if others are displaying one, then tough, it's in the word disabled, and it isn't every or any one else's problem.

BTW though:
A man should be acutely aware if and when he challenges disabled women how it could impact them. It is absolutely not on.

Equally; A woman should be acutely aware if and when she challenges disabled men how it could impact them. It is absolutely not on.

Live in peace and have mutual basic respect, we all have enough to deal with.